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Battle Royale | Setting:Real Life | Status:Early Access  (est.rel 12/31/17)  | Pub:Bluehole Studio
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Why Are We So Bad?

By Joseph Bradford on October 27, 2017 | Columns | Comments

Why Are We So Bad?

In this week’s PUBG Journal:

  • I use a crossbow
  • Joe (Ralph)’s game decides to not game anymore
  • Shank abandons reason for madness

In the face!

There are few satisfying things in this world: a good beer, video games that work when you pay for them instead of relying on day 1 patches, and using a crossbow in a game with high powered assault rifles. Joe (Ralph) and I found ourselves split up from each other in a duo match (a recurring theme this week) and unfortunately, he was surrounded by another team and taken out early in a game we played. I, on the other hand, was blessed by the PUBG gods to go through four buildings and leave with only a pistol and a crossbow to my name.

Thinking I would go out in a blaze of glory so we could quickly start another match, I made my way towards where Joe met his demise. I started to take hits but thankfully an unsuspecting person from the building to the left of me started shooting at the player taking me out. I used this distraction to sneak up behind him.

I ended up getting taken out by his friends moments later, however, I cannot begin to tell you how incredibly satisfying it was to get a knockdown with a crossbow in this game. In the face. Had I felt I could reload and finish the job with the crossbow before his teammates showed up to save the day I would have. But I’m pretty sure I ruined that guy’s day.

Speaking of ruined days

I mentioned a recurring theme this week with our PUBG matches. We had a rash of Chicken Dinners last week, so the Rule of Three decided to kick in and start hampering our progress in PUBG again. Crashes would abound this week, hindering our progress. Yet we did the majority of the damage to ourselves thanks to our inability to decide where to land at the outset of the game. As we confused ourselves, I predicted Joe and I would be the only ones left standing at the end of this match. Only for this to happen:

Now thankfully Joe was able to get back into the action, but it was simply a reminder of the fact that, collectively, we are the worst PUBG team ever conceived.

Tell me, friend - when did Shank abandon reason for madness?

So, Shank and I have a long history of me meeting my demise at the hand of his actions. I’ve lost count, but I think Shank has killed me a total of around 100+ times across all the different games we’ve played.

Like this perfect example:

Or this one, where I didn’t die, but he put me in a position to do so:

So, it’s only natural that something along those lines might happen in PUBG right? As each one of these incidents happened, a madness began to manifest itself in Shank, resulting in a lack or reason and turning into reckless abandon. Like the VSS Impasse:

See? Madness!

However, of all the times Shank has cruelly shut me down in a fit of rage and panic, I’ve never once taken him out in a video game on purpose. 

Now, in my defence this had nothing to do with his Lord of the Rings slurring going on - though I would have been justified. I felt really bad for shutting down my friend Leif, but at least it made for some stupendous theater after the fact.

But seriously, how many times does something like this have to happen to you until you finally snap?

Fly you fool.

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