The developers over at Dark and Light have released a brand new piece of Apostles lore. This short story centers around Pilhey, a gnomish bard:
|
PILHEY, THE BARD GNOME by Elhavius Pilhey, the Bard Gnome (By Pildor, Bard Gnome, author of Dr’ Nichtgutwestrollzeehochbaumacher (the rainbow-maker of the bad Western ocean), compendium of 8712 pages, available at Zut Geld Editions, Armstallmenchgutloch, for a cheap price). Everyone knows that Gnomes are the best Bards one can find. Only they know how to present lies with this oh so beautiful aspect of truth, that makes it so even non-believers stop chatting and lay their Ravage-Bowel goblets on the table, with their eyes wet and their lips dribbling. Now this is poetry! For example - who but a Gnome will know how to express the magnificent greatness of a gluttonous Jarzlub extracting one of his eight legs from the marsh’s loam? A human would talk about slimy mud, an Elf would pinch his nostrils with contempt, a Dwarf would shake with fear, I’m sure of that... But a Gnome would know how to depict the atmosphere, the greenish light, the very smells, with such a force that you will think you are actually in that place! And for those who are still doubtful, let me direct you towards my last work; you will be enlightened. Pilhey was one of those. The great Circeliane herself was dazzled by his talent. "Philey", she used to say, "I am really flabbergasted!" And to thank her, in all his modesty, he would tell her a poem. She was mad for his poems. He could have done anything he wanted with her; but us Gnomes, we never developed any taste for women taller than 1 meter and 80 centimeters, so he ended up dumping her. He had learned everything from her at that point anyway. He ran across the world, appeasing his foes with his words, while others still believed in the power of the bludgeon. He was the best. Well, he was the best of his time... Since then, we made some progress. By the way, I cordially invite the audience to read my last book. A lot of Elliak and Vuuar’s adepts are still looking for the secrets of his knowledge. Are they looking for it at "Pilhey’s Sand" (or Pilhey Zand)? May they seek, those who need it. As for me, I do not need such accessories. My pure talent is enough. Wife, please bring my slippers - my ankles have swollen again. I really wonder why. |
For more on Dark and Light, click here.
