Mistaken Identity
I had resigned myself to the notion that this corporation war was a non-starter. My pleas in chat to go on a scouting or murdering mission gradually fell on death ears and so I decided to head out on level 1 missions for the day. I headed to an agent, a warp or two away from my home station and set about my objectives: I was to clear a sector of enemies and bring back a cargo of "scientist" simple enough I thought as I equipped iron charges and more missiles.
Whistling a happy tune, I undocked, right-clicked my encounter and set about my violent dealings. My new ship cut through enemies in such an elegant manner, explosions, and quick death were handed to all who stood in my way, and I simply grinned with triumph. Completing my mission objectives and looting everything in sight, I returned to the space station to collect my reward. Ah... sweet ISK, what a beautiful virtual currency.
)
For the next few hours I repeated missions and collected pillaged bounty and wealth. I would leave and return routinely to a space station, accept missions and refill ammo. Sweet and serene in my progress. After undocking once more, I noticed that my cargo container was full to the brim and nothing more could be taken on board, not even my quest parameters. Casually I jettisoned an errant mining turret, and further, one or two hull upgrades, a bit of loose ore, and other random items that held no value. Pleased with the space I had I carried on my mission.
Virtually I was enjoying life, but physically my stomach began to grumble, and the smells of cooking alerted my sense. Stretching and detaching my sweat stuck buttocks from my leather seat, I rose and went on the hunt for food - the kitchen being my main priority; a cup of tea and a small army of Jaffa Cakes my fancy. I left Eve Online running, my character AFK, safely docked.
Around 20 minutes later I returned to my PC, crumbs around my face, stomach relaxed to a gentle purr, and backside ready to be assimilated with the crusty leather once more. Shaking my monitor out of the screensaver mode, I resumed my Eve Online session. Casually scrolling my mouse, I noticed some hum and buzz around the corporation chat channel - it was in the midst of a frantic conversation, I decided to scroll up. Oh shit.
;)
It seems that in my absence, a fellow ally patrolling for enemies had warped into the same system as I was currently running missions. Searching for hints of an enemy, this sentry had found something, something very alarming - a small floating cargo container containing the spoils of what seemed to be a destroyed ship. Not only was this an odd find, but it belonged to a name that was known, a name of someone in the corporation.
Whilst I sat in the kitchen munching my own body weight in snacks, a call had gone out to my AFK avatar, asking why my, what appeared to be remains, were littering the outside of a station. I didn't answer. The call went out again. No answer. At this point the corporation surmised that I was attacked, killed, and subsequently either "rage quit" or went away to sob quietly in a corner, destroyed that my friends had failed me and now I was an impotent pod person. Crying slowly I wasn't, eating jam off a spoon I was.
So within the 20 minutes of me leaving the PC, the corporation having found my fake remains decided to take action against the enemy in retaliation for something they didn't do. I had essentially created a Cuban Missle Crisis, and then inadvertently set off a nuclear war. All online members hastily assembled and raced towards the known headquarters ready to bring the space pain. And I 'effing missed it!
)
Finally after reading the chat channel I read the live reports of what was happening. One member frantically wrote that he was receiving "Heavy fire, someone help! I'm jammed!" And then it went quiet "Oh great, I'm dead." The same happened to another friend, and another. The would-be docile enemy was kicking our asses, and apparently messaged our leader telling us to prepare for a real raid. Oh no! I don't want to lose this ship. Speaking calmly into the chat channel, I decided to emulate Ghandi "Hey guys, you do know that stuff was jettisoned, I wasn't attacked? Make peace with those guys."
I had never heard such colourful language; it was the type of wordplay that I have been lead to believe the sailors dabble with. I blushed a little and told them that it was them, not me that overreacted. This made the chat channel turn even bluer. Realising that time wasn't on my side and apparently a "Real raid" was on its way I decided to get the hell out of dodge. I promptly bid goodbye to the corporation, wished them good luck and god speed and quit. I brought war, I perpetuated war, and now I have left it behind me like an arms dealer. I think I might stick around in Eve Online a while longer.
Thank you for following my weekly adventures within Eve Online.
