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All Things Warcraft: Hellfire Ramparts... Again!

Editorials By Guest Writer on July 18, 2011

Hellfire Ramparts... Again!

Regardless of the fact that this instance is only available for four levels of play (or so the dungeon finder would have me believe!), it seems like I lived here for a few days.  I can’t begin to fathom how much longer it would have been if my level 68 buddy hadn’t been running it with me, but together we pulled way more dps than the dungeon required, so it went quickly (the dungeon crawl, not the actual extremity of my stay at the ramparts of hellish accord).  I’ll admit, I did enjoy topping the dps charts infinitely (are mages OP?) and running an instance to the point where I barely had to pay attention and could listen to my Game of Thrones audio book, but after my twentieth odd run any semblance of fun I could garner from this perilously perched protrusion had waned significantly.  I mean, I can only pull 15 mobs and survive it (basically) solo so many times before it just became…droll.


So what was a poor blood elf mage to do?  Why am I now a mage instead of a super awesome healing shaman like I said in the last article?  Fine, I suppose that deserves an explanation.  Basically I recalled that I had levelled a toon before to around the level fifty benchmark, but being the paragon of brilliance that I am I bought the cataclysm pack on a different account (WoW account 1, whereas miss mage was on WoW account 2, genius!).  Instead of blazing through those fifty odd levels as a super shammy  (admittedly I wasn’t enjoying my cow too much) I dropped the cash and got my mage into fighting form.  However I forgot that she was of the alliance, so I was effectively shoehorned into another transaction.  At this point my self-directed rage was palpable, so I jumped into whatever instance I was of a level to engage and killed copious amounts of poor, unsuspecting creatures.  I’m sure you all will inform me that those levels go by really quick and I’m an idiot for “wasting” my money, however, do refrain please for I already feel the impact of that blunder sharply enough.  Thank you in advance for your condolences.

Anyways, what was a poor blood elf mage to do when bored of the extended brimstone troll?  Obviously I should go quest and interact with this world, where all of this so called “content” is located.  The first order of business was to defeat a 3-man group quest elite mob by myself, because, what could be more fun that going up against a 3 story giant with tentacles for chins and living? Dying to a random passer-by level 85 Alliance deathknight is much more fun, for starters.

I can still be a noob...

Likewise, after discovering there was some awesome capture-the-tower world PvP going on in Outlands, I instantly flew forth to capture said insidious towers!  Much to my dismay, you basically sit there for 2-5 minutes to capture it to full “allegiance” or whatever that bar signifies.  After capturing my second tower I came to the unsavoury conclusion that lvl 85 Alliance players also like to camp these objectives as well.  One was so kind as to have a catch phrase every time he killed me before I could mount up to fly away.  It was “NO! Not this time horde scum!”  To this day I am still confounded how one could seemingly be proud of swatting a fly, perhaps human Alliance players have some mental deficiency stemming from their dire lack of large ears, glowing eyes, or abnormal body proportions?  Someone do a study on that please.

Even while I was partaking of all the raucous and invigorating questing shenanigans the draw of the 5-man dungeon still pulled on me.  I knew that my experience per second quota would be much higher in a dungeon, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it just yet.  I needed excitement and adventure, so I flew up to the top of the skybox and dismounted.  Luckily a mage’s Iceblock also makes you immune to falling damage (I did not know that when I attempted this feat).  Not-so-luckily for the druid friend of mine I was competing with his druid cooldowns that reduced damage didn’t work the same way.  Sucker!

As my Outlands escapades continued I was struck by the beauty of the world on more than one occasion.  While Telara was a graphically-inspired paradise (for those of you with monetarily-inspired computers) Azeroth seems to be a much richer visual experience.  Like the screenshot above shows, there is a very nice spectrum of colors in the world, and more oft than not there are entirely epic locals to feast my eyes upon, like this once-frightening demon lord (I named him Mr. McRib!) taking a nap in a pool of acidic desolation.  Stopping momentarily (or longer) to take in a vista has never happened quit so much in a game for me, and I’m enjoying it immensely.

Poor Mr. McRib!

Carrying on I finally levelled to the point where I could take on some different dungeons.  As much of a common affair they are, new locals and new defenceless mobs to slaughter liven up the action a bit.  Oh, did I mention how much of a joy it was to see the need button greyed out for the first time?  By the gods Blizzard must have some snarky intellectuals working for them, I mean, the audacity of them!  Now I can’t ninja some plate?  BUT IT LOOKS SO COOL IN MY INVENTORY!  WHY OH WHY BLIZZARD!?  In all seriousness though, I was getting tired of the cry-baby ninjas.  Why would someone quit after boss one because they lost the need role on gear they didn’t need was beyond me, and will likely always be beyond my simpleton’s mind.  I haven’t run into a single rage quit since I entered burning crusade territory though, which is wonderful.  Speaking of burning the acid this guy poops out when you stand behind him burns, a lot!

Supposedly a nearby NPC gives you a buff that negates the damage from the acidic diarrhoea of death, but I’ve always been too cool for school, which includes reading quest logs, so I missed that memo.  The thing is these Stay Puff Marshmellow Men of World of Warcraft are obscenely annoying when it comes to battle positioning and….viewing.  I mean, look how much I had to zoom in and tilt the camera JUST TO SEE MY NUMBERS!  Do you all know how lonely and depressed mages feel without their floating numbers?  We are like ant eaters without a big, floppy nose, it just isn’t right!  Sure I feel like a boss when I shoot a tiny ball of ice at them to poke them in one of their four(?) eyes, but I also can’t see my teammates on the other side of him, or even tell when the excrement of doom is going to spray forth and annihilate me.  Having spectated some Ice Crown Citadel bosses a year or two back, I’m painfully aware that this trend in humungous bosses isn’t going anywhere though. 

And I'm dead... again.

All that being said (written), this life-devouring entity game is entertaining is oh so many ways.  I think the best parts of it have been the random trolling of dungeons (“Hey Ian, should we pull the next three groups of pats?  Really? Okay…..hahaha we lived!  How’d we live?  The tank died?  Screw the tank man!) and the entirely unplanned but remarkable events that happen in the questing world.  I’m still not thrilled about only having two specs (although who needs arcane or fire when you have frost?) and man oh man do battlegrounds suck sometimes, but that’ll get better at 85, right?