So there I was ... trying to maneuver around Marleybone during Sparck’s community livestream last week. He’s currently questing in the dark gang-infested world and I wanted to join in on the fun. Being a max level wizard, I don’t have a lot of reasons to go back to Marleybone nowadays. Although it’s nice to revisit old areas and take in all the tiny details I missed before, unexpected trips can also lead to unpleasant reunions. While on my way to Digmoore Station, I saw her. The side NPC that still irks me to this very day: Abigail Doolittle.
Now, it’s not uncommon for side NPCs to be a bit helpless. They ask you to help them with seemingly easy tasks quite often, but Abigail takes it to a whole other level. While some side NPCs have somewhat understandable predicaments, almost all of the “problems” that Abigail needs help solving were created by her in the first place. Basically, Abigail Doolittle is the worst self-proclaimed party planner I’ve ever seen and here’s why.
She has the wrong intentions. In theory, a Policemen’s Ball is a neat idea. Giving back to the cops who try and wrangle Marleybone’s crime problem would be a great gesture. It’s too bad that’s not why Abigail is doing it. When Abigail first gives you the side quest, she needs help collecting supply crates that cats in the Ironworks have scattered about. Her reasoning for enlisting your help is that, “I don’t have the time or manpower to do it myself, and the police are quite busy enough.” Well, hold on. She’s supposedly trying to give back to Marleybone’s finest, but she CONSIDERED asking them for help with this? Yes, she decided against it, but only because they were busy. If she actually cared about making things easier for the cops, it wouldn’t have even crossed her mind. Gathering party supplies would be pretty low on their priority list. Abigail’s lack of good intentions is confirmed when you return with the supplies and she admits, “I love planning balls, as all the policemen look so dashing in their uniforms. Especially that Barkely ...” It doesn’t get any more surface level than that.
She makes her lack of preparation other people’s problem. Right after you return with the supplies, Abigail asks you to drop off to-do lists to the other helpers. The problem is, this isn’t the first year Abigail has waited until the last minute and many of her “helpers” are quite sick of it. Ms. Conrail says, “That Abigail always waits until the last minute. Then we must work twice as hard to pull it off in time.” Emily Chesterfield chimes in by saying, “Oh, pooh! My list is always biggest. Abigail expects me to do the lion’s share of the work!” As you can see, Abigail’s laziness is not new, and she fails to acknowledge how her “planning” methods complicate those around her. I’m surprised these ladies are still willing to help her at this point.
Her invitations usually arrive late, if at all. After she discovers the post is down, Abigail asks you to deliver the invitations to the officers. That’s when Officer Darby shares that the invitations usually arrive late, if they come at all. Later in the questline, Abigail sends you back out to deliver more invitations because she had “bad addresses on file.” This party happens every year, and it’s not a big town. How does that happen?! Something tells me she doesn’t check her records often because Officer Ness, one of the bad address holders, says he’s never received an invitation before. I wonder how many years that’s been going on for. It’s hard to throw a successful party without guests, and it seems Abigail still hasn’t grasped that. Without you, this year’s party would’ve been empty.
She immediately resorts to violence when sweepers are occupying the venue. I know Marleybone isn’t the most welcoming place, but couldn’t we at least have asked the sweepers to move from the pavilion before forcing them out? Knowing Abigail’s communication skills, I doubt there was a sign that said “Policemen’s Ball happening soon.” Those sweepers were just minding their own business. In true Doolittle fashion though, she asks you to rough them up instead of taking a less hostile approach.
She basically had nothing ready for the event itself. As predicted, Abigail tells you that the “finances for the Policemen’s Ball are not going as far as they did last year.” She needs to go to her friends for help who end up supplying crystal, a punch bowl, china and silverware, and table settings. These are party ESSENTIALS. What would the guests have eaten with without silverware? Additionally, entertainment for the event was a complete afterthought. The very last task Abigail gives you is to get David Beeman to play his fiddle at the ball.
So there you have it ... proof that Abigail Doolittle is the laziest and most inefficient party planner to ever exist. And after all that, she didn’t even invite me to the ball! Honestly, I don’t know why Abigail is still in charge of this event. She should be fired. I vote Ms. Conrail for Policemen’s Ball organizer. She’d get it done. #MsConrail2020