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The Rant: Unhappy Valentine's Day

By Guest Writer on February 16, 2011 | Columns | Comments

Unhappy Valentine's Day

Oh the sweet joys of Valentine’s Day, how heartwarming and numerous they are. With the candy, jewelry, and card giving it might possibly be the happiest day of the year (or is that Christmas, I can never remember). Unless you’re me of course, I loathe Valentine’s Day. I always have and I think I always will. This Valentine’s Day I was incapacitated by a horrible cold unable to do much of anything but sulk around and be a jerk to my wife. Because if I don’t feel good, damn it, I’m going to make everyone around me feel like crap too! Just so everyone knows that strategy worked for about two sentences of me being nasty before a huge fight erupted and I had to apologize. For the record, I don’t think it was my fault at all. I blame Valentine’s Day for being the single most depressing and stress causing holiday of all time.

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Valentine’s Day just makes lonely people even lonelier; at least that’s what television has taught me and why would television lie to me? I can’t think of a single show that I have seen in which every single character is with someone and happy. There is always that one lonely dude who is crying about being single and not ever being able to find that “special someone”.  The most depressing part of that is that’s how that person feels all the time.

Valentine’s Day just magnifies this person’s loneliness by bombarding them with candy hearts and whispers of love they don’t have.

FACT: The suicide rate among single people is higher on Valentine’s Day than any other day of the year. (Note: I didn’t actually do any research, but it sounds like it would be true.)

The single people aren’t the only ones who feel the evil grip of Valentine’s Day either. Anyone with a significant other has more than likely felt its crushing grasp as well. The stress that this unholy day causes to those of us married or dating is completely uncalled for.  I know from experience that forgetting about Valentine’s Day ranks right up there with forgetting a birthday or an anniversary.  I had no idea that flowers, candy, and folded colored paper were so damn important in the middle of February. I’m a great husband the rest of the year (except for when I’m sick apparently) so why does my love have to be proven on just one day? If I’m an asshole the rest of the year is Valentine’s Day my get out of jail free card? I think I’ll let someone else answer that last question I’ve caused enough trouble I think.

Alright, now that I have gotten my general anger out for Valentine’s Day I can get back to the real problem I have with Valentine’s Day which is this: why the hell do they have to have representation in MMOs?

Almost everything that has to do with Valentine’s Day in an MMO is going to be extra mild weak sauce, from the quest chains to the items. I can’t even blame the developers either; they are just doing what they can with the source material. Valentine’s Day equals love, hearts, candy, and general lameness.  What does that translate into? Mostly quests with the word “love” in the title or gear that has hearts on it or is somehow “sexy”. Despite the complete lack of imagination people still go bananas for that garbage just because it has to do with Valentine’s Day.

As much as I hate to say it, I did stumble across some actual kick ass content for Valentine’s Day. Sadly as of this posting most of these events have already run their course so I can only hope that they make an appearance next year or they come up with something even more hard core.

The first one I have to mention is Fallen Earth’s Valentines themed mission titled “My Bloody Valentine”. If you complete the mission you will receive a special item and a crafting recipe. Sounds pretty normal up to this point, however, the awesome part is that with the item and the recipe you can rip out your own hearts and give it as a gift. If only actual Valentine’s Day were like that I might respect it a little more. Nothing says “I love you” more than severed body parts, just ask Van Gogh.

The only other one I found that I thought was kind of cool came from RuneScape. They had a Valentine’s Day Massacre event that spanned a 48 hour period.  For the Massacre everyone was invited up to “The Wilderness” to beat the PVP the crap out of each other. RuneScape’s website also had a mini contest to guess the kill count over the 48 course of the event. The winner, who guessed the closest to the actual total, won a free t-shirt. Six hundred twenty five thousand three hundred and forty seven people (that’s 625,347) were slaughtered during the event and it makes me think that for a second, maybe Valentine’s Day isn’t so bad.