Dark or Light

This Update Sucks!

Joseph Bradford Posted:
Columns 0

In this edition of PUBG Journal:

  • Joe (Ralph) gets a solo chicken dinner
  • PlayerUnknown’s BATTLEGROUNDS sees an update
  • PUBG Experiences it’s own Evo Moment 37
  • And Bradford and Shank defy logic to win a match of PUBG

A Pixel Between The Two

Joe (Ralph) is possibly the best PUBG player in the Tawdry Ballz eSportz League. And it makes sense: he’s the only one in our band of brothers with actual Marine training. However, one thing has plagued him in PUBG: The solo chicken dinner.

In a previous PUBG Journal, I showed us all getting a chicken dinner with Shank and myself valiantly helping our team as we needlessly drowned in our Jeep. One can (and has) made the argument that Joe got his first solo dinner that day, made all the more impressive by the fact that it was a squad match and his squad had been prematurely taken out by nature. However, I’d like to remind everyone that Shank and I helped in that match as well - again, our drowning spurred our friend to victory.

Here’s that video in case you need a refresher.


The other day, however, Joe finally did the impossible: he won a solo match when Shank and I didn’t drown to help our friend out. The blue zone closed in in the final seconds of the match. Mere pixels separated the victors. In the end, it is an exciting match to relive.

More Chicken Dinners??

I made the argument previously that we are the world’s worst PUBG team - and argument made all the more prevalent by Moment 37, which I’ll explain in a moment.

However, either the collective skill level of PUBG has gone down, or we’re actually improving. Within the course of a few days, Shank, Brian and myself had a Chicken Dinner. The first came with Shank and Brian finally securing victory for team Tawdry Ballz. It was a moment where the Rule of Three set aside her vindictive self and graced Brian with unfettered internet and audio, allowing the duo to achieve the much sought after victory.

The scary thing is, though, two days later Shank and I also got a duo chicken dinner. Two chicken dinners in three days for Shank. It’s one that almost makes you wonder whether the game recognizes our sheer awfulness and gives us a training-wheels mode, or we’re just actually getting good?

Watch the tape and decide for yourself.

Evo Moment 37

If you follow the fighting game community, you undoubtedly have heard about the legendary Moment 37. Daigo “The Beast” Umehara versus Justin Wong at the Evolution Championships in 2004 has become a moment synonymous with FGC greatness. “The Daigo Parry” as it’s been known ever since, shows a full parry of Justin’s ultimate as Chun Li, with Daigo hanging on by a sliver of health only to pop his ultimate and win the game. It sets the crowd on fire and has been one of the most, if not the most iconic moments in FGC history. Stories still are told today about that fateful Street Fighter III: 3rd Strike match, and the tension is palpable whenever the two combatants meet at Evo even a decade later.

Our Moment 37 is literally the exact opposite of that.

Shank runs away after losing a fist fight. Pete shoots a crossbow. The Tawdry Crew hold up in a building with no ammo, lackluster weapons and a group of actual skilled players around them.

Here’s the shortened clip:

This Update Sucks

Due to the nature of early access, PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds is a game constantly in flux. So when the newest and probably most radical update to date was announced, I knew we had to cover it.

In short: The Tawdry Crew were not impressed.

(In all seriousness, PUBG has nothing to worry about wit Fortnite’s Battleground mode. It’s a shell of an imitation and is objectively inferior to PUBG in practically every respect at this point. But hey, it’s free!)

Any interesting things happen to you this week in PUBG? Let us know in the comments below!


Joseph Bradford

Joseph has been writing or podcasting about games in some form since about 2012. Having written for multiple major outlets such as IGN, Playboy, and more, Joseph started writing for MMORPG in 2015. When he's not writing or talking about games, you can typically find him hanging out with his 10-year old or playing Magic: The Gathering with his family. Also, don't get him started on why Balrogs *don't* have wings. You can find him on Twitter @LotrLore