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The Rant: The Best Medicine

Columns By Guest Writer on February 08, 2011

The Best Medicine

Have you ever had one of those days where nothing seems to go right? It can happen to anyone at any time really.  It just seems to happen more in the winter time. It probably has something to do with all the gray skies and the fact that just stepping outside is a very special kind of torture.  I think that the worst part of having a sucktacular day is how unavoidable it seems to be and how very quickly it seems to all spiral out of control.  All of the crap builds and builds, stacking the crap on top of more crap until you have built yourself into a very smelly prison cell. I have recently been blessed with one such day, stink walls and all. So, sit right back dear reader and I shall tell you a tale. A tale of my awful day and the redemption I found at the end of it.

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I woke up with more than enough time to get ready and maybe even arrive to work early on that fateful morning. I must have accidentally stepped into some kind of time vortex instead of my shower however, because what is usually a five minute task took me a solid half hour.  I was pretty sure I was getting right down to business in there too. There was no man-scaping, singning of songs, or extra “attention” paid to any specific body part either! Time sped up for some reason while I was in there and if the person who took it is reading this, you owe me about fifteen minutes. Anyway, due to time jumping forward on me I was now in a rush to become less damp, polish my fangs, cover up my grotesque body, get my breakfast and head out the door. Strike one day... Strike one.

I get into my car and head to work. I have ten minutes to make a twenty minute drive. Thanks a lot time bandits…

I got into work about fifteen minutes late because of course I manage to catch every single red light and get behind every single moron who doesn’t understand what the speed limit is or how to follow it. Luckily, my lateness goes unnoticed because it is still rather early and no one really gives a crap at that hour. I sit down at my desk with my coffee and realize I forgot my breakfast at home, “I’ll just skip breakfast and get some lunch later” I think to myself. The worst is behind me.

I realize now how naïve I was. Looking back I should have been able to hear the avalanche pouring down the mountain side.  I can’t really get into the specifics of my job because… I don’t know if any of them read this.  I’m using my actual name on this stuff (which is probably a bad idea) and while my place of employment isn’t that big, it is large enough to where someone could be reading this and put two and two together. I can tell you that I work customer service in what is essentially a call center.  I’ll tell you this too, it was not a happy day for my customers.

Almost every single call I got was someone who was pissed off at me for something.  Not that I have a hard time diffusing hostile situations or getting people who are mega pissed off, a little closer to reason. I am actually quite good at it. The problem is, apparently I drew the short straw that day and had to battle the ticked off customer hydra. Every time I killed one problem two more were there to take its place.  I never got to eat lunch. I did learn something by skipping it however, I can only eat so many crap sandwiches before I get full.  I met my limit in about half way through my eight hour shift.  Even though I was beat down, hungry, and my teeth were ground down to my gums I never once took it out on a customer or co-worker… I waited until I got into my car on the drive home.

I was screaming and cursing anyone and everyone on my ride home from work. All I could think about was how bad I despised every single living thing. I finally knew how Edward Norton felt in Fight Club when he said,

“I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species. I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I'd never see. I wanted to breathe smoke.”

The unbelievable rage that was building in side of me had to find some kind of outlet or I was going to actually kill someone.  Then, like some kind of divine inspiration it occurred to me: instead of beating up an actual person in real life, I can beat up an actual person in an MMO!  The only problem with that is I would probably become one of those a-holes that I despise, spewing my hate unto the internets.

 I would like to tell you I took the high road and I wasn’t a total dick to random strangers in PvP, but I cannot.  It was either my sanity and my family or my integrity. I hardly have any integrity left anyway so I said screw it and let lose the venom that was blackening my soul. There were so many horrendous crimes against humanity crawling out of my face hole that my wife had to take my child out of the room for fear that he might become possessed by the devil himself.

I did take precautions however; I used my alt in DCUO so I could vent my frustrations with out completely tarnishing my good name. I also chose DCUO because it’s easy to just jump into some Legends PvP. Plus, the game supports voice chat so I can scream swears at people without having to know them. Granted most of those people were on my own team…

I’m not going to lie to you kind folks, it felt damn good. Screw laughter as being the best medicine, PvP is where it’s at.  Beating the crap out of people in PvP was the best stress relief. After about an hour or so I felt fine. The anger that I accumulated was all gone. PVP had exercised my demons.

Let my story be a lesson to all of you. Take out your frustrations in PvP and don’t hold anything back you’ll feel better after words.