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Parade of the Dragons

Paul Crilley Posted:
Columns Chronicles of One Telaran 0

Hello faithful readers.

Who would have ever thought I’d spend time in an MMO standing on a beach shooting people out of a cannon? And not because I’m laying siege to a castle and we’ve run out of ammunition. Simply for the fun of it.

Welcome to the Carnival, folks.

"Fly, my little friend. Fly like the wind."

Yes, that’s right. I spent more time than I should have repeatedly firing this chap out of a cannon in Shimmersand. I call it stress relief, because once again I was there to try and kill Monte, the guy who was stealing loot from the festival goers. This time there was a group of us, but I think everyone had tried and failed already because we were all slightly… cautious.

And a good thing too, because no matter how many times we tried we couldn’t kill Monte. I eventually decided to leave it. Life is too short. So I fired the guy out of the cannon one last time, then logged off.

When I logged on again it was Phase 3 of the Carnival. And ooh, what’s this? Things have taken a turn for the worst. And what else can we expect, seeing as Phase 3 is called The Morning After?

Yes, that’s right. It's the morning after the night before, and as I’m sure we all know, things can look pretty grim on these occasions. Most of us are waking up with pounding headaches swearing never to touch that stuff again, but you always get those who just don’t know when to stop, don’t you? The ones that track down that crusty bottle of coconut and orange liqueur and want to keep drinking.

That’s what Caedryn is dealing with today. Being of a dwarven constitution, he can handle his booze, (that’s not species-ist, because he’s a dwarf and is allowed to say it), and Carmichael the Clubfoot (the guy who welcomes you to the Carnival), wants to deputize me so I can clear out the drunks who are stumbling around punching walls and screaming about their ex-girlfriends. Plus there are a few general troublemakers sneaking around the area, and I’m authorized to kill them stone dead! Score! (Apparently there are 10,000 troublemakers who have to be dealt with. This… may take some time.)

Apparently, arresting drunks in Telara means you're treated to a light show as well.

I spend some time wandering around Sanctum, pouncing on drunks and cutting down anyone who looks at me funny. It’s good fun, but I eventually tire of it and head back to Carmichael to get my reward. There are two more Phase 3 quests, these ones handed out by Captain Toria, who lurks behind the stairs heading up into Sanctum.

These quests are… slightly more dangerous than what Carmichael asked me to do.

Some Defiant troublemakers are causing hassles on the Parade route, saying the Guardians stole their float ideas or something. Captain Toria asks me to go and speak to one of these Defiant party-poopers to try and sort out the situation. That's not too bad. But it's the second quest that seems a bit… extreme. Captain Toria wants me to kill, (as in murder), 10 Defiant players. Not NPCs, you understand. But players. Any one of you reading this now, you might turn around to see Caedryn running at you with his axe held high, screaming blue murder as he readies to cut you down where you stand. Heavy.

Now I know this is nothing to those of you who take part in PVP play, but it’s new to me. I’ve never taken any other players on like that. It’s a whole new experience for me. Will have to do it though. Caedryn needs a shiny new steed.

Anyway, I see off to have a little chat with this Defiant character who’s causing trouble. He’s located a few miles away, and when I find him, he seems a bit drunk. (Surprise, surprise.) So I do my thing, you know, talking softly, asking why we can’t all just get along, to take in the bigger picture, to put our differences behind us for the duration, etc etc.

His answer? Two of his mates materialize from thin air and all three of them attack me! Just like that! And a second later I’m dead. Because drunk Defiant dude is level 50 and Caedryn is only level 21.

I respawn and head back to the location, pondering what to do. Caedryn won’t give up on this. He wants that Pyrite Doubloon. Only three more and he can buy a Festival Mount. He watches from the distance as someone else heads over to try their luck. The result? Instant death. This is going to be trickier than I thought.

Caedryn hangs around a bit, and then an Ascended Rogue wanders over. Her name is Seraphima and she is level 50.

Hmm, Caedryn ponders. I wonder…

This is Seraphima. She's cool. (Ignore the photobomber in the background.)

So Caedryn politely asks for assistance, and Seraphima says sure and we merge our groups together. Then she goes to talk to the Defiant guy while Caedryn hangs back. To… keep an eye out for reinforcements, you understand. Just making sure no one launches a sneak attack or anything. Yeah. Yeah, that’s it.

Anyway, Seraphima takes care of those Defiant scumbags pretty damn quick, and Caedryn is all like, “Yeah, we did it! Man, we really showed them huh? High-five!”. And Seraphima gives him a mildly scornful look, and Caedryn wisely says thank you and shuts his mouth.

So that’s that quest taken care of. What's next? Oh yes. Now to turn into serial killer and hunt down 10 Defiant players.

Watch your backs, people. Caedryn is coming.


Paul Crilley