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The Rant: Holiday Boredom Massacre

Columns By Guest Writer on December 28, 2010

Holiday Boredom Massacre

Seeing as how the holiday season isn’t technically over yet, I figured I would try my hand at spreading little holiday cheer… at the very least some kind of STD. The nickname for herpes isn’t “the gift that keeps on giving” for nothing. That’s one hundred percent true too, you can ask anyone (Make sure they don’t have an STD first though or you might offend them). Because that is what the holidays are all about. Giving.


In addition to giving and receiving gifts, most of us have holiday traditions that involve some light to heavy travel. A four hour drive has been added to my holiday mix recently and let me tell you something, that drive is boring. I have yet to make the drive myself as of yet, luckily my in-laws have been the ones behind the wheel every year I have gone. Thank (insert deity here) that they have been too, because driving for long periods of time is no longer my bag. Here is a simple equation that sums it up: Me plus driving a Car multiplied by time equals narcolepsy.

As a person just along for the ride, on the other hand, I don’t get tired nearly as fast. When I was a kid the previous math problem would apply except “driving a car” was replaced with “being in anything with a running engine”. Currently, the only way I can fall asleep in a car as a passenger now is if I force myself to do so. I like to try steering clear of that option because I snore so loudly that I often wake myself up, which is embarrassing and counterproductive to say the least. That only leaves me with staying awake to face the unholy tedium of the backseat.

Unfortunately for me I don’t own any sort of portable gaming system I can lose myself in, nor do I have a laptop that I can entertain myself with. I do however own a decent smart phone and I was lucky enough to find a few apps that were capable of smashing up the monotony of a long holiday trip. “Did these apps have something to do with MMO’s?” you may be asking, to which I would happily answer “Of course they do, why else would we be here?”

Pocket Legends is the one that caught my eye first. 3D MMORPG for your phone which is free to play was too good to pass up and what can I say about Pocket Legends? It is a free to play 3D MMORPG for your phone, yes indeed. Look, for what it is Pocket Legends does a good job. I’m just saying don’t expect much from it. I know it is redundant to say this again, but I really want to drive this point home. Pocket Legends is a free to play MMORPG you can play on your phone. There is nothing spectacular about it at all. It’s quite boring really; I wouldn’t choose it over anything I could play on my PC. Although, if you have nothing better to do and you think to yourself “I wish I could play an MMO right now”, Pocket Legends is there. It’s only game in town that can offer you anything close to the feeling of playing a 3D MMORPG, and it knows it. Pocket Legends flaunts its excessive mildness in such an average way that you will have no choice but to say quite plainly with as little inflection as you can “I’m playing an MMO on my phone”. All of that is to be expected because, you know, phone game. Here is all you really need to know about Pocket Legends. A Pocket Legends pocket guide if you will. Ready? Go!

Three classes to choose from: Warrior, Enchantress, and Archer. You collect and complete quests. You get to level up. You can get loot. You don’t have to pay for it (assuming your phone has a data plan). You can chat with people. The interface and controls don’t completely suck. It’s a 3D MMORPG. You can play it on your phone (sorry it had to be said one last time).

Make a character and kill some mobs then shut if off after about ten minutes and play something else.

Needless to say my time wasn’t completely consumed with Pocket Legends; it only made a tiny dent. As much as I hate to admit this (deep breath Adam, you can say it) most of my holiday travel time was gobbled up by a little game called Ninjas Live and other games developed by Storm8. Not privy to what Ninjas Live is? Well allow me to enlighten you; it’s akin to those Vampire and Gangster games that people play on Facebook. All you have to do is just tap on stuff until you run out of energy (or whatever the game you’re playing calls it) and then wait around until you can tap on more stuff. Yes I know, shame on me. I can’t believe it got its dirty hooks into me either but it defiantly got the job done. It’s painfully simple and I think that is why it is so efficient at wasting time. I’m fully aware that games like Ninjas Live or anything else Storm8 has to offer are more or less scams akin to Farmville. If you run out of energy to tap on stuff the game gives you options to download more of their games for points, which you can redeem for more energy so you don’t have to wait as long to tap on stuff. The kicker is that all of these other games are exactly like the game you’re currently playing but cater to whatever your interests may be. If you don’t like ninjas maybe you’ll be interested in street racing, war, mobsters, vampires, or zombies. Did you use up all your “points” from downloading all that other garbage? I’ll bet you know someone who would like the game you’re playing now, invite them to play. Spread the sickness to them (like an STD) and we will give you more points. If you don’t have any friends they accept actual money too.

After all was said and done I didn’t end up paying them actual money to essentially power level my ninja clan or whore out any of my friends, but I was playing four different games that they developed at once. We can put a check mark into Storm8’s win column for that I suppose. I realized that I was doing a preposterous amount of game juggling about the time that we pulled into our destination. Four hours of drive time gone in what seemed like half an hour. In the end I guess simplicity won the battle over my boredom.