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Fancy Cosmetic Mounts!

Joseph Sanicky Posted:
Columns All Things Warcraft 0

There I was just outside the gates of Arathi Basin eagerly awaiting the skirmish to come as I adorned myself in majestic ice armor and fascinated my allies with my arcane brilliance.  Approaching the entrance to the field of our forthcoming skirmish I began speaking the invocation to summon my trusty stead, Tyrael’s Charger, to carry me onwards and cast death down in icy sleets upon my foes.  As the majestic beast appeared beneath me I turned to call back encouragements and battle cries to my comrades only to be horrified by the site before me!

Beyond the grotesque rear-end of that devil-beast there were two other combatants sporting my Tyrael’s Charger!  With alacrity that surprised even myself I assuaged my doubts away about these doppelgangers and patted Pony to calm her (yes I named my Tyrael’s Charger Pony) as the gates opened before me.  Before I could even pass the barrier I was overwhelmed by unholy golden terrors who took to the skies before my very eyes!  Bewildered and slightly worried for the integrity of my smallclothes I galloped after the hulking monstrosities.  Then the dragons rose above us ever so slightly and, running ahead of everyone, blocked all forms of forward-facing vision!

Needless to say the battle did not go well for us.  Our first confrontation with the Alliance constituted my following the bespeckled golden allies into a death trap of enemies while any further attempt at moving about the battlefield in even a semi-informed state was foiled again and again by these floating bronze behemoths!

That day the Horde was defeated not in grand battle against powerful foes but by the large, protruding appendages of those hapless dragon-riders.

The bane of my soon to be short-lived expedition.

The above written words are obviously not an entirely accurate retelling of that battle and I did indeed miss quite a few stuns that could have changed the tide of the fight (Maybe…we had no healers you see and mages don’t have a healing spec.), but my original horror of seeing numerous giant golden dragons blocking much of my vision still stands as a testament to the downfall of Blizzard’s pay-to-obtain mounts: their giant particle-spewing asses block a lot of vision.  Frankly I have gotten tired of seeing shiny white wing particles and floating dragon tails when I queue up for a warfront!

We can all agree that this isn’t the most pressing problem ever, yes, but my heart goes out to every player who blindly runs into a battle because there are erroneous partciles blocking their vision.  Sure we can take the time to move to the side a bit and run outside of our comerade’s mounts but then we are slightly behind the pack and a split second could decide a fight in random PvP encounters, yes?  Why should we take that chance because Blizzard likes enticing people to buy attractive shiny things?

“Oh, but Joe, you have one of these mounts yourself!  HYPOCRITE!” Okay yes, I do indeed have one of these mounts, you caught me!  However you’re missing the point people, it is really awesome and shiny!

The red section is how much of the map that was blocked from my entry perspective. Scandalous!

So how do we go about convincing Blizzard to take action against this visual injustice which isn’t really an injustice until multiple copies start occupying the same space on a battleground?  Obviously there needs to be some sort of majestic mount particle reducer of some sort introduced into Azeroth.  I’m sure the gnomes or goblins have some such thing stashed away somewhere, perhaps even give us a fun little quest to go abscond with such a device in the Pandaren starting zone or something?  Anything Blizz?  Pretty please?

Speaking of Pandaren…how large will this seemingly vacuous problem be by the time we start running around as oriental-themed monks?  At the rate Blizzard is spitting out these unarguably badass mounts we might be looking at five or six types of floating particle machines by then!

How are any of us going to see anything?

I hold not the answers fellow travellers, however, I do know that this problem is quite serious and demands basically all of Blizzard’s attention so be sure to leave your comments below about how astral ponies, winged white horses, and glowing moat-dispensing dragons are ruining your PvP experience because regardless of the actual situation – they certainly are!


Joseph Sanicky