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Speaker for the Galaxy, speaker for the dead

Star Wars Galaxies was the greatest MMORPG I ever played. I miss it and I want to talk about the game I once knew and loved, hoping upon hope it will return again in all it's glory and wonder.

Author: Ichben

Can HE help be a winner again? Can you help me stop losing?

Posted by Ichben Monday March 7 2016 at 6:28PM
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When I was a child I was a winner. I won all the time. My mother often said she was proud of me and she often said I was brave. She'd call me her little cheese cake poodle every time I did something good. She told me I would grow up to do great things one day and I believed her. I mean how couldn't I. I was at the top of the world. The top of my game. The highlight of my fame couldn't have been ever brighter than it was on those glorious sunny days.

But now those those are dead and gone. The happiness and cheer that once exuded my heart with joy and cheer are now a mystery left unsolved because now a days I am called a loser by the people who were suppose to love me. The people I thought I could count on when I was down and out in Paris and London. The people who were suppose to be my friends when I needed friends, but now those friends are dead and gone and things have never been the same. I often find myself alone, stuck in a house of cards waiting for a woman to love me but no woman will ever love me because I am a goddamn loser waiting for the universe to do something for me but every time I ask it for help it does nothing but shakes its head and walks away. I mean WTF man!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!! The universe is screwing me and it didn't buy me any wine!!! That is so not cool and I hate it bro's, I really do.

Gosh, it has been so long since I've won anything, so long since I've held a trophy in my hand. So long since I've been worth something more than just a simple smile and a friendly handshake. My fellow gamers, my comrades, my lovers of elves and ghouls...I don't know much more of this I can take. This perpetual state of failure is maddening. I mean it just sucks the living shit out of you and leaves you sore and raw. If this crap continues I won't have any more shit to give those who count on me to do great things. It will be all gone. My reservoir of feces will have vanished and I will die a loser forever and forever more.

My gamers, my friends, my comrades in arms. Is there hope for me to succeed? Will I ever be a winner again? Will my mother ever love me the way she used too? Will my father think I am sane? If elected president will Donald Trump help me win? Will he help me become a winner again?

The clock is ticking and I don't know how much time I have. Winter is coming, and I'm afraid it is coming for me.

The Children of Azeroth

Posted by Ichben Sunday January 18 2015 at 11:55PM
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I’m not wow’ed by wow any more either but I still love the game as if it were my long lost friend from a long lost galaxy far, far away from here in a place in space and time where animals can talk and roads are as sweet as gold. I was banned from the game I loved a long time ago, not because I was a bad boy but a good boy trying not to be bad to those who didn’t understand the purpose of the quest they were embarking and the world of which they lived and played for hours at a time. 

You see Poultry, the game taught me to love others as if they were my sacred friend. It taught me to love those who didn’t know me and even those who hated me for being a hippie or a Jesus freak. The game told me to love them because it was the right thing to do because they needed the love and the kindness in their hearts because it was missing and it was killing them slowly. It was killing them softly and hard.

It was like they were missing a piece of a puzzle somewhere in the World of Azeroth. They didn't know it was missing but they had a feeling something wasn't there and deep down they knew they had to find it or else they will die a death not of the body but a death of the soul. And to make matters worse they didn’t even know what to look for and this frustration, this rage made them angry. It made them want to lash out at the world around them, making them want to hurt those who only wanted to help them with their struggle and their pain. They wanted to hurt me and they called me dirty names but I didn’t let that bother me. As a matter of fact, I embraced their anger, took their pain into the belly of my heart hoping upon hope my sacrifice will help they anger dissipate, never haunting their nightmares and their dreams ever again.

My friends as I’ve told you before and I will tell you again I am not WoW’ed by WoW anymore. My days and nights in the world of Azeroth are long gone. But this does not mean I still don’t think about the crying children of Azeroth who need me to care for them, to hold them, and to love them as if they were a cherished lullabye in a sweet tender song.

I hear their cries all the time when I am asleep at night. I hear them and I want to help them but I can’t help them because I’m always so far away from their agony. I’m so distant from their pain and this makes me mad because I know I can do a better job at making their world a better place for all involved in this War of Warhearts.

Sadly when I awake from these dreams I am reminded that the Lich King is still supreme in the hearts and minds of the children looking for gold and looking for quest. The mad man encourages such behavior and I think this type of attitude is downright wrong. But how can one reason with a madman full of liches and worms? How can one reason with a King who has lost his way in the hallowed nights of the world that has long since moved on? I suppose only time will tell I guess. Time and love and happiness. Time and a little bit of loving full of sweet dreams and candy canes all throughout the land.

What happened to my galaxy?? What happened to my girl??

Posted by Ichben Saturday September 11 2010 at 1:24PM
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What happened to the girl I use to care for?The girl I use to love. What happened to her? Where did she go? I miss her bad because I am lost without her. I am lost without my baby by my side, holding my hand when I am lonely, holding my hand when I am cold.

I get angry sometimes when I think of her. I get mad because I had her in the palm of my hand and I let her go. She fell from my grasp, slip through the tips of my fingers like quicksand from a bottle of liquid glass. Why did this have to happen? Why did the red monster have to come into our lives and take away the only thing that matters to us? The only thing that cared for our safety and happiness?

I miss touching her at night. I miss seeing her face when we make love, having sex together all throughout the night and into the day. We made pretty noises doing nasty things in the process. Things I can't describe on this forum, things I'm not allowed to say out loud because it was our little secret, it was our little thing. The kind of things capable of making a grown man blush and a grown woman smile and laugh. We did things together that was special, it was all love.

Guys and gals, as you all know, I am in pain. It hurts to talk about the past but I have no choice but to talk about the past because the past is all I am and all I ever will be, and let me tell you my friends, it sucks man, it really does. I can still taste her in my mouth as she rode and bucked on my tongue. Her juices were sweet and her lips were soft and so damn tender, so damn soft and damn gentle. Her screams when we made love were magic to my ears. Her moans made my heart melt. Her tears made me spill tears of joy.

“Fuck me harder baby, suck me good” she said. I did what I was told to do and I did it well. I grab her nice soft breast, play with her nice firm nipples and suck her nice firm tits. Her nipples stand at attention to me, they love me the way I love her. She loves me and I love her. I stand up, admiring my glorious galaxy. “Oh come on suga, come back to bed baby, come back to momma so momma can rub your sweet little head” she says. I obey my baby and she rewards me with her tongue, and the rest, well, the rest is history.

All of that was a long time ago. It's a thing of the past now. A distant memory in a time and place where stars and wars were common. A time and place where galaxies were filled with light and hope galaxies were filled with dreams of destiny and dreams of peace. But now my dream, my galaxy is dead, she is dead and her dreams are gone and so are mine.

I couldn't protect her from the monster of the darkness, the bad man of the night. I couldn't protect her from the clown who came into my room. The clown with the balloons, the clown with the intention of destruction, it's intention was foul and dirty and I could do nothing to stop it. I felt powerless, I WAS powerless, but it doesn't matter how I felt back than because the monster did what he wanted to do. He took my girl from the palm of my hand, seduced her in ways that were not understandable to me. His methods were maddening, his will was something that was, well, out of this world.

“Don't go to him my love!! Don't TOUCH THE BALLOONS!!!” I scream to her these words but she doesn't seem to hear me. She's lost in the eyes of the clown. The balloons capture her attention, captivate her imagination. Something is happening to her, something is wrong. I go to her. I try to pull her back but when I touch her she is cold, she feels like she's dead. “Baby? You there darling? Are you all right???” She says nothing, she is silent, she is cold. The clown laughs, his teeth are yellow, flies are going in and out its mouth, its disgusting, it's bad. “I love big brother, and the balloons are pretty” she says. Her voice is flat, it's a voice of a robot, a lifeless human being.

“No, no, no!!” I scream “You don't mean that, you don't...YOU DON”T!!!” “Oh yes she does” said the clown “She loves me and I'm gonna love her like a whore loves grass. I'm going rape your bitch, shove my cock up her ass 'til she bleeds, make her eat my shit and drink my piss. She's gonna love me boy. She's going drown in my vomit, suffocate on my cum. She's mine now boy, your little peach is mine.”

I protest, I scream, I tell him I will stop him, “I will not let you take my GIRL!!!” I say. The clown opens his mouth, flies come out, they attack me, I pass out. When I come to my senses, the clown is gone and so is my galaxy.

Will I ever see her again? Will I ever be strong enough to defeat the monster, the clown, the Crimson King??? I don't know what has happened to her but I know she's out there, somewhere in the land of the dead, the badlands of empathica in the evil hands of the king. Someday I will find her and when I do I will hold her hand and she will hold mine. Until than, I will continue the struggle to find peace and happiness in a world that is all to often filled with pain and hardship. She will return to me someday. She will come home and bring light to a world that is getting ever so darker by the day. I love you my darling galaxy, always have and always will.

Speaker for the Galaxy, Speaker for the Dead (Entry #2)

Posted by Ichben Thursday November 12 2009 at 9:55PM
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Today I went to a bar and I drunk a lot of beer and liquor. I got wasted, I got hammered and I got drunk. I nearly passed out and was barely able to make it home before I became a victim of my own darkness, a victim of my misery.

When I entered my house on that dark and dreary night I entered a house that was dead. I had no friend to comfort me, no partner to hold my hand and not a companion who could possibly understand what I was going through because my friend, my partner and my companion were all dead and gone. They had died along with the galaxy and they had died and gone to the stars.They died, and with their death, a little part of me died along with them. Little parts of my soul and spirit are dying every day and I don't know how to stop the blood from bleeding through my brain. I don't know how to stop the blood, from driving me insane!!!

I think about them often and I miss them terribly. I miss them so bad it hurts to even breathe!! I love them more now than I ever did when they were alive and it pains me to admit that, but it's the truth. When were were alive and well and together as a family we had some great adventures. We had good times and bad times. We laughed and we cried. We kissed and we loved each other the best way we could. We loved each other until the night was blue and the day was young. We did everything together, we were a family.

Everything was fine in our world until the dark man came. When the man in the black suit came he ruined everything and everything we knew and loved were lost. He turned the stars into dark clouds and the rainbows into frightening storms of thunder and lightening, striking at our hearts and souls with devestating hunger and unbelievable pain. The terrifying storm was killing softly, it was killing us slow and we knew we couldn't live in a world like this. We knew we could not live in a world full of thunder and lightening, full of heartache and suffering, created by an evil man dressed in black with an evil smile and wicked grin. We knew we had to go away, and go away we did. We said our goodbyes. Kissed our loved ones goodbye. And said our final goodbyes to the galaxy. The galaxy that filled our hearts with gold.

Tonight I went to a bar today and tonight I drunk a lot of beer. I nearly drunk myself to sleep that night, I nearly drunk myself to death. Sometimes I wish I had died because the lonliness I feel when I walk into that empty house is unbearable. With no galaxy, who do I go to talk too? Who do I share my secrets with? And who do I share my dreams? What am I suppose to do in a world with no lights and a world with no sabers?

Almost everyday I cry myself to sleep. Praying I don't wake up, praying I have a lovely dream about the galaxy and its glory days of old. Luckily for my sake, most of my dreams are sweet dreams because my dream takes place in the galaxy. It is here where I am most happy, here where I am most alive. I wish I could stay alseep forever and never leave for good. That way i would not have to resort to the bottle and drink myself to sleep.

I wouldn't have to take drugs and swallow a lot of pills to feel like I"m in heaven because I would already be in heaven, I would already be a god in the sky. Instead I am a mere mortal, forced into running in a rat race with no end in sight. A race with no finish line, only circles of pain and circles of darkness all throughout the race. I am stuck here with the rats and the prolls of this dark and dreary world when I'd rather be somewhere else, somewhere other than here.

Sometimes I wish there was a magic door I could go through. A door that would take me to other worlds and other places than these. A world that could take me to another galaxy in time. I know there are other worlds out there. And I know there are other places than these because my friend told me so. My friend, Jake, a boy from the galaxy I once knew and loved, told me there were other world's than these. I didn't believe him at first, but than he showed me and I was a believer, I knew it was true!!!

He showed me the world's right before he died when the galaxy was ripped into pieces by the dark man, the man in the black suit. When he died my hopes and dreams died along with him. The galaxy was destroyed and so where my hopes and dreams.
Someday we will meet again, my galaxy, my friends, my lovers. Someday we will all meet again in the place where there is no darkness. The place where there is no time. And we will be happy again. We will love each other the way we use too. We will love each other the way brothers and sisters do when they are playing together. The way husbands and wives do when they are making love. We will love each other and the galaxy will love us back. All will be WELL!!!

But for now that love will have to wait. The galaxy is gone and the world as we know it is dead. I am lonely and scared, frightened and alone and I do not know where to run or hide. The only thing I know how to do is drink the juices of the green fairy, and smoke her beautiful grass. Until the day comes when I see her again, my galaxy, my baby girl of old.


Speaker for the Galaxy, Speaker for the Dead(Entry 1)

Posted by Ichben Tuesday November 10 2009 at 7:45PM
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I do not know if the galaxy is gone. Hell I don't even know if it is dead or alive. The thing I remember most when I left the galaxy on that fateful day in November of 2005 was the feeling of utter despair and misery. I felt pain for the galaxy and pain for her children apart of this galaxy who loved it just as much as I. I miss the galaxy, and the galaxy misses me. It misses each and every one of us who were apart of this once glorious world now gone forever in our hearts, and gone forever in time.

Everybody played a part in making it a special place. Everybody played a role in making the galaxy feel like a second home to all involved. It was my second home, my second place of comfort and safety. It was my second home and now my second home is gone. It has gone away forever and my life has not been the same ever since.

My life has been a living hell without the galaxy. I lost everything I ever loved. I lost my friends to the combat upgrade and I lost my loved one to the NGE. The NGE killed my baby!! It killed my baby girl and and I never saw her again. My baby girl was dead, and now so was I.

It has been a long time since I've felt alive. And it's been even longer since I've felt happy. On November of 2005 when the galaxy fell to the hands of the dark side all those years ago, I tried loving someone else, I tried to play WoW, but the experience simply wasn't the same as that of the galaxy.

Nobody wanted to roleplay. Nobody wanted to hold my hand, smell the roses or go fishing on a day when the air was cool and the sun was bright. Nobody wanted to lie down on the grass and gaze into the sky admiring the bright and shiny stars in the bright and shiny night. I tried making friends with the common folk, but that experiment was a complete diaster. Most of the citizens of this world were mean to me. They called me names, telling me to "fuck off" and "grow a pair you fag!!!"

Yes you read that right they called me a fag. They said I was a "spry little cherrypicker" and told me to go away and never come back again. So with a heavy heart and a tear in my eye, I packed up my things and left the world of Warcraft, I left the world for good. I didn't even bother looking back. I just kept right on walking, looking straight ahead into the distance. Ignoring the shouts and the catcalls from behind me as I move on teh my next destination. .

On my way out the door they threw objects at my head, calling me a crybaby, calling me a queer. And maybe I am a crybaby and I just might be a queer. If being a queer means taking pleasure in roleplaying with your fellow brothers and sisters than so be it...I AM A QUEER!!! Chicken soup may be good in a bowl but roleplaying is good for the soul.

So call me a crybaby, call me a queer, I don't care anymore because I miss my galaxy. I miss my baby girl!!. Sometimes when I sleep at night I dream of the galaxy. I dream of the dead that once were, the dead souls who once roamed this glorious and beautiful galaxy and made it the special place it once was, but now they are gone, now, they are dead and gone and so is my heart and soul. 

I dream of the sabers and the stars in the sky. I dream of the dancers in the catina, the cooks in the kitchen and the doctors and nurses in the hospital room making everybody well. In this dream I am alive again. I am free to be the man I want to be. In this dream I can role play to my heart's content. I can roleplay with others and sing my song of songs without feeling guilty, embarassed or ashamed of my actions and behavior.

In this world, this glorious galaxy, I can be innocent along with everybody else. That is what made the galaxy so great and special, so great and so grand!!! The freedom and ability to shape the world the way you see fit. The ability to to build a house, start a family, become a mayor of a town or a bounty hunter of the night, traveling the world in search of Jedi to hunt and kill. This is what life in the galaxy should be like, this is the world I use to know and love.

I awake form this dream with tears in my eyes because I know the dream is over. And I know the nightmare has begun. It begins everytime I hear that alarm clock and every time I wake up. This nightmare has been going on for years and has made me a very nasty and bitter man. I am no longer the person I once was. I am a shadow of my former self. I can no longer dance in the galaxy the way I use too. I can no longer sing my song of songs in the starport of coronet.

I miss my pink hotpants and I miss the warm sun on my beautiful soft skin as I dance nude in front of an audience of eager travelers and explorers of different races and different professions, going to different places to do different things. Right now, at this moment in time I am lost. I am unfound, but as the galaxy as my witness, I will find a way out of the darkness, I will find the light at the end of the tunnel and me and my galaxy will be together again. We all will be together again as one big family and one big community.

I will find my baby again if it is the last thing I do. The galaxy and I will be together again, but in the meantime. I will speak on behalf of the galaxy and all it's long lost souls. I will speak of it's good times and it's bad. I will be the speaker of the galaxy, I will be the speaker for the dead.