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ee equals em see hammer

another useless and never updated blog clogging up teh intertubes

Author: Trucidation

another useless mission statement

Posted by Trucidation Friday July 31 2009 at 10:28AM
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Move along folks, nothing to see here. Just another useless waste of space that some dude put up randomly on the spur of the moment and never returns to update.

I suppose I have to actually put something here instead of in a separate article. Whatever. Friends, countrymen, bumpkins, lend me your jeers. I come not to praise your games but to bury them.

Take a good long look at your character sheet. All those stats. No, it doesn't matter what game. Because I'll tell you right now they're junk. We live in an age of CPUs with computational speeds measured in GIGAHERTZ and storage space in TERRABYTES... and yet our games still feature characters defined by four lousy stats, and I bet each stat has a measly 2-byte sized cap at most, allowing for values up to 255 or 99 max. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I love to rant but since I'm not interested in keeping this blog alive I'll just skip the explanations and just insult you. Where was I... oh yes, measly stats. Speaking of which, all MMOs feature item systems with mods like +1 hp or +1 strength. OH FOR FCKS SAKE. What good is 1 extra freaking hitpoint when players have like 1k base totals? Hot tip, if it's less than 5% it's a failure as a mod. Check out the dungeon crawler game named "Fate". Yes it's crap, yes it's a mindless dungeon crawl. BUT it's the ONLY game I've seen which sports mods like +25% to a stat ON AVERAGE. No itty bitty stupid +1 hp bonuses here. It's called a goddamn "BONUS" for a reason, you should be able to feel it. 1 extra point of strength isn't going to make your 50 Strength barbarian overpowered. Game designers are pussies if they can't handle a little extra.

One more thing, item variety. I am utterly, utterly sick of linear item progression. You know, where you start with a wooden sword, then X levels later progress to a stone sword, then X more levels later you trade that for a bronze sword, then X levels later you upgrade to a steel sword. No, no, no. Fail. WHERE'S THE GODDAMN VARIETY? Are you designers so blind? We aren't playing 8-bit RPGs, this isn't the era of the NES, HELLO?! Players should be overwhelmed with choice. You should have gear swamping them up the wazoo. Only then will you get people to actually use their goddamn brains and THINK, instead of being blind sheep who immediately jump onto a game's forum and start screaming "GIMME LEVEL GUIDE PLZ KTHX". Games which feature complete step-by-step, level-by-level "guides" are absolute frackking failures. You can take your cookie cutter disaster and shove it. If I'm going to play a 1-dimensional game with a bunch of unthinking PvPers I'd rather go offline and play a LAN game, at least I know my buddies aren't mindless 8-year olds with 5-second attention spans you can distract with a picture of a busty lady on your front website page.

GTFO off my lawn.

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