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Girl on Game

Gaming from a gamine perspective.

Author: Sumeragi

DPS Ain't Nothing But A Number, Baby

Posted by Sumeragi Tuesday September 22 2009 at 6:34PM
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Once upon a time, I was a dirty Elvaan WHM/SMN in a faraway land named Vana'diel.  As a White Mage, my job was to heal, and so, when I got invited to a group or went off for an adventure with my Link mates, that's what I did.

I'd make sure our Protects and Shells were up, I tossed Regens and Cures on my party mates to keep them topped off; I was an  Erasing, Cursnaing and Virunaing fiend, and in between  I even made sure to toss in a few Holys to help out with a Magic Burst.  I didn't know how much healing I did. or how hard my heals hit for, but our tanks always lived (except for the occasional  NIN/WAR tanks miscounting Utsusemis), our DDs kicked ass, we mocked Tarus, we went to Sky and beyond, and everyone had a jolly old time.

We lived to loot without breaking a sweat.  That's how I knew I did my job right.

Fast forward a few years to a game called DDO, where I played a Rogue.  Not a sword and board Rogue (which I saw a ton of later on), but a real, honest to goodness, "DANGER DANGER!" trap disabling Rogue.  I knew where the traps were from experience, and if not, I could sense them and disable them with a happy little click.  I dual-wielded my +5s and stole a lot of kills off our Fighters (thank you Weapon Finesse), I tossed a few heals (thank you Magical Devices), and I could swim in Lava for hours on end thanks to my Robes of Greater Resistance and sexy ability to make all my saves.  I don't know what my "DPS" was, nor do I know how much damage I did, but we ran Giant Caves in under 2 min, were the first to down the Dragon on our server, and everyone had a jolly old time.

We lived to loot (and I picked those pesky locked chests for more locks) without breaking a sweat.  That's how I knew I did my job right.

Fast forward a year or so and as a dirty Shadow Priest (and occasional Holy Priest), I watch this little box in the corner of my screen and IT tells me if I did my job right or not by proclaiming to all how much damage I did, what did I do my damage to, how high my spells hit for, and how much better my GearScore is than JoSchmoe's.  And if this little box doesn't happen to work, NOT TO WORRY, my friends on the Internet are more than happy to broadcast how I did based on their little boxes as well.

It does not matter that on ToC 10, I was the only DPS that didn't stand in a fire or eat the wrong colored balls; who cares that I was the only DPS to survive the Flame Dance until the end, eventually downing the boss while others got their drinks or what not.  Here is what happens:

  1. Arcane Mage 5900 DPS
  2. Arcane Mage 5300 DPS
  3. Marksman Hunter 4900 DPS
  4. Shadow Priest 4500 DPS

Followed by, "Step up your DPS, Priest."  To which I post something akin to:

  1. Shadow Priest 27% Damage Done
  2. Arcane Mage 16% Damage Done
  3. Arcane Mage 13% Damage Done
  4. Marksman Hunter 9% Damage Done

Apparently, it doesn't mean anything to the raid leader because on the next boss, he's back to spamming DPS.  Don't make me even start on HPS, because I know exactly what I need to spam as a Holy Priest to get my HPS up too.  But I choose not to; casting what I need to cast to make sure everyone stays alive.

When, I wonder, will people ever learn that you can do 10K DPS, but if you're dead as a door knob within 2 seconds of the fight, you're even shittier than the DK in greens doing 700 DPS for the entire fight.


But then today, a light at the end of the tunnel, for as I open up Aion again, I see a blank canvas.  No more boxes, no more other boxes.  Just me, my mace, my Victory Mantra and a party with full health.

That's how I know I did my job right.


Raising A Mini Gamer: What I Need to Know In Life, I Learned By Gaming

Posted by Sumeragi Wednesday September 9 2009 at 5:13PM
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I should probably preface this entry by saying that I pretty much grew up gaming myself.  My father moved around a lot and on one of our destinations, we were to stay in Japan for a term, just about when the Family Computer came out.  As a welcoming gift, my aunts got me a Famicom, and I haven't looked back  at gaming since (even during that fiasco that was the Jaguar Gaming System).

I never once thought of gaming as something "weird" or "uncommon" as that's what my friends and I did (practically, all the girls in my class), and only when I came to the States for High School did I discover that gaming was an anomaly, the fate of gamers at my preppy school to be ridiculed and/or stuffed into lockers.  Shamefully, I was forced to go into the closet as a gamer for those sad high school years and *gasp* play sports instead, but soon enough, college came along, thanks to which I was free to game once again!

And trust me, game I did.  Yes, in the years before I had my daughter, I played a LOT of games.  I MUDded--worse, I built for MUDs--my friends and I would hold Quake/CS LANs at the Library under the guise of study, and on the weekends, we'd hold a Tekken for Shots/Food Tourneys (you drink something or eat something awful if you lose).  Queue the mighty flood of awesome console RPGs like Dragon Quest, Final Fantasy and MMOs that followed Ultima's success and sleep became a thing of the past.

I still play quite a bit now (when my daughter's asleep or napping of course), and though it's not as much as my wild and crazy college days, I still definitely fall into that "casual hardcore" category.  Luckily for me, my husband was a gamer when we met (big plus for me), so I never got too much "hubby aggro" about my habit, and now, 10 years later, we're raising our daughter to be a proud gamer.  (With a side of geek thrown in.)

In addition to Cookie Monster, my daughter gets to snuggle a stuffed Big Goron (and you better believe we do the dance for her from "Ocarina of Time"), and when she was small enough to fit, I admit I took a picture of her sleeping in my Imperial Backpack (the one which Rota the Hutt was carried in).  We are forever "OM NOM NOMing" her to make her giggle, and every so often, when she flails about in her awkward attempts at walking, she will "pwnz" me just a bit in the face.  Just a few days ago, you cannot imagine the joy I felt when I saw her crawling towards the XBOX, picking up the controller and holding it in her little hands in perfect position to score a "headshot BOOM*  (Though I do hope she'll pick a PC over a console for all her FPS needs when she's older.)

Big Goron

That being said, no, I won't be feeding her Cheetos, Jolt Cola and last night's cold pizza for breakfast (like there's ever any left), I will not be raising her to call our basement the "Command Center,"  (it's too long for her to say anyhow) and I certainly will not be teaching her Klingon (I prefer Huttese).  I will not allow Uncle Mario and Luigi to raise her, and she will spend her time in the sun, riding her bike or playing soccer so she can have a more Tauren tan than looking like a pasty Undead all her life.

On the other hand, I will teach her the following things I learned from gaming (in addition to all those pesky other things like, numbers, letters, and of course, nuclear physics).

  1. Team work gets you points and is just as important as kills!  (But FFS, don't de-frib your friends in the line of fire to pad your scores--I'm talking to you BFII medics!)
  2. Bigger isn't always better.  (Gon vs Bryan "My Low Kicks Don't Hit the Shitty Dinosaur" Fury)
  3. When you see demons burst out of Hell Gates, NEVER PAY FOR THE LIFETIME SUBSCRIPTION.
  4. Don't play with fire.  (If it's red, it's dead(ly)!)
  5. Looks aren't everything.  (Even a pudgy, middle-aged plumber with a porn-stache can get the girl.)
  6. Food is good!  (Don't shoot--waste--the food.)
  7. Money doesn't mean happiness.  (For just $14.99 a month, I'm pretty damn happy!)
  8. Believe in yourself!  (Elvaan are just as good at being WHMs, and don't let little know it alls tell you differentaru.)
  9. "Exploring Vana'diel is a thrilling experience. During your time here, you will be able to talk, join, and adventure with many other individuals in an experience that is unique to online games. That being said, we have no desire to see your real life suffer as a consequence. Don't forget your family, your friends, your school, or your work."  (I know I know, I ignored it a couple times myself.)
  10. Don't judge a book by it's cover.  (The cover art for the US release of Mega Man.  Need I say more?  Fun, iconic game though!)
  11. "Being polite while in a group with others will get you invited back!"  (But just AFK if it's that one creepy dude trying to tank in DPS gear.)
  12. The Contra Cheat Code.  JUST BECAUSE.

Contra Cheat Code

Love the cover art and live it!

A Friendly Warning To All You Menfolk Out There...

Posted by Sumeragi Friday September 4 2009 at 6:19PM
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**Disclaimer:  There is some bad language in this post.  Why?  Because it's about FPSes.  And for some reason, lots of people get butt hurt when they are shot.  In a First Person SHOOTER.  Go figure.**

Noob Tube

I was playing a little COD4 the other day on Vacant when all a sudden some heated bitching about a noobtuber scrolls up on my screen:

"You fuckin' noobtubing pussy."

To those familiar with FPSes, pillow talk like that is pretty normal and actually, pretty  tame faire, especially for the COD4 crowd.  But for those of you who prefer MMOs and aren't familiar with FPS terminology, a noobtube is usually an over powered but easily accessible weapon that takes little to no skill to use (for example, a rocket launcher or grenade launcher with sexy splash damage that you kinda' sorta' mabbe' aim in a general direction and rack up kills with.)

I don't think much about it, since I've heard much better and much more original insults with that one, usually involving someone's mother, a donkey and some cheese.

"You can't aim so you gotta' fuckin' use the noobtube, you fuckin' noob?"

I check the score.  The noobtuber's only  rank 14/55.  He probably hasn't been playing very long, and when you start, you pretty much got the noobtube and nothing else perk wise.

I continue playing, hear some more bitching and drop an Airstrike on B since lots of idiots like to hide there in them weeds.  Score!  Here comes my Chopper.

And then, something that catches my attention.

"You play like a fuckin' girl."

Whoa whoa whoa whoa.

I check the leader boards.

I'm second.  Where are they?  Ohhh, both somewhere on the bottom on a 32 man server.

And oddly enough, I get ticked.  Ticked enough to speak out.

At the end of the game I type, "You just lost to a "shitty" girl, moron."

(I know I know, not the wittiest come back, but you don't have a lot of time to type between rounds!)

*               *               *

Some believe that women gamers simply don't exist, a myth like the mighty Chupacabra.  But in truth, WE ARE OUT THERE--we're simply stealthy and elusive.  Like a Ninja (or should I say Kunoichi), or better yet, the magnificent Jackalope.

You see, the majority of competent female players  tend to keep quiet, going about our business whether it be topping the DPS charts, dropping air strikes on vital choke points or "melting your face" without ramming our gender down your throat.  We are "gamers" just like anyone else as opposed to "ZOMGZ TEE HEE grrl gamers," and the few that you do encounter telling people to "LOL Stop shoting, I'm a girl,"  or "My DPS is low because I'm PMSing ^^" are the vocal minority that give us all a bad name.

We are confident in our skills and don't need to use gender as a crutch, we can get our own Epics, and we aren't just cannon fodder for your AK-74u.

So the next  time you're online someone calls you a "girl" think about it.

Is it really THAT bad to play like a winner?