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Rollo talks games. (And Pie)

Just another gamer pretending to know what he's talking about.

Author: Rollotamasi

AoC, The Hooters of MMO’s.

Posted by Rollotamasi Tuesday May 27 2008 at 8:26AM
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There I was.  Standing in line at EB Games with a AoC box in hand.  While I generally don’t buy a game without a trial or demo I figured I would give it a shot if for nothing else then to remind me why I don’t buy games without a trial or a demo.  I hand the guy behind the counter the box and he says.  “Dude, This game kicks ass”.   I was starting to get a bit excited.  You can read all the reviews on the net that you like but nothing beats talking to a real live player of a game.  So of course I have to ask “Really?  What makes it so good?”


“Dude, You can actually SEE boobs!  Nipples and everything.  And  when you get a fatality blood sprays EVERYWHERE!!”.  That was it.  I couldn’t go through with it.  I told the guy I didn’t want the game.   I had what my friends refer to Hooterphobia.  What is Hooterphobia?  Well, it’s the fear of Hooters.


Not Hooters as in boobies, Hooters as in the restaurant.  I can’t eat there.  Most of my friends make fun of me for it.  Allow me to pose a question.  If there were no waitress’s walking around with tight orange shirts and their boobs hanging out would you still eat there?  Most people are going to say no.  But then there is wings guy.  That guy that says “I go to hooters for the wings!”.  Shut up.  No you don’t.  You go to hooters for the TnA just like everyone else.  The food is overpriced and mediocre at BEST. 


Why can’t I go there?  Because it makes me feel like “That guy”.  Its kind of hard to explain.  It just makes me feel dirty.  Don’t get me wrong here.  I am a guy and like most guys I like boobs, butts and legs.  But for some reason I can’t go to hooters where those things are in abundance.  I feel like all the waitress’s are looking at me thinking “Just another dumbass guy coming to gawk at the TnA”.  Because when you strip away the TnA your left with crappy overpriced food and frankly there are plenty of restaurants in town where I can get a burger and a beer and generally have it served to me by a fairly attractive bar tender.  Difference is I can carry on a conversation with her without feeling like “That guy”


How does this relate to AoC?  AoC is hooters.  Strip away the TnA and excessive violence and its just another fantasy MMO.  Open PvP is reduced to getting ganked at spawn points.  The huge world is reduced to tons of instances.  Sure, the graphics look great but much like hooters it takes more then flash to make a game good.  Bottom line here is that the 3 main selling points of this game don’t make a game good. 


Great graphics – Check.  This is like dating a REALLY hot stripper that has a IQ of 13  Sure, its fun for a few weeks but after a while looking at her is going to get old and you going to realize there’s not a whole lot underneath.

TnA – Check.  Has NO impact of gameplay.  Strip it away and the only thing that would change would be that you would probably have ½ the population of kiddies.


Open PvP – Check.  To bad it’s reduced to ganking people at zones and spawn points.  The same thing that people bitch about playing online shooters,  Yeah, yeah I know.  Roll PvE, carebear, blah blah blah.


Bottom line is that this game does everything it says it does.  Has plenty of violence, TnA, pretty graphics and open PvP.  The problem is, does that make it fun?  Honestly, TnA and open PvP seems like the type of environment where you could manufacture jerks by the thousands.  That reminds me, How is the community?