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Drak's Soapbox

An old time gamer who started playing MMORPGs with the Ultima Online beta test and has had a love/hate relationship with them ever since.

Author: Drakon911

Who decided that we needed to be able to jump?

Posted by Drakon911 Tuesday February 5 2008 at 6:03PM
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Who decided that being able to jump was a necessity in multiplayer games? If you're reading this and you were the one,  please punch yourself in the eye for me. Everyone else can continue reading.

If you haven't realized it yet, I hate jumping. I can't think of a single positive thing that comes out of having the ability to make your character jump in an online game, not counting being able to avoid flaming lava. Do us a favor and put a bridge over it for Pete's sake! If you don't PvP or play First Person Shooters onlilne, then you truly haven't experienced the full irritating potential of something that at first glance may seem harmless. So let me enlighten you.

Minor annoyance: Some little kid in town that wants to jump non-stop while he spams emotes and sends you a tell begging for money: "can i hav sum gold plz?????????"

Medium level annoyance: Grouping with a rogue (no idea why but it seems the majority of annoying jumpers I've come across in WoW were rogues) who thinks that jumping will somehow magically make him harder for the mob to hit, or perhaps they believe that their backstabs do more damage when they are done without their feet on the ground. I don't know what is going through their little pointy heads. I do know that it irritates me so they should stop.

Major level annoyance: PvPing in WoW is already a big enough pain without some ...*cough* enemy ... bouncing around like a flea on a hot griddle. How's that for a mental picture?  I used flea because I give them about as much credit for brains as I do the tiny biting creature and they are just as annoying. The Black Plague that killed millions of people was spread by fleas on rats. I bet those people that got bitten and caught it were a bit annoyed. I can't imagine living to the ripe old age of 27 in the middle of the Dark Ages only to get bitten by a flea, that had recently been feasting on rat blood no less, catching a good heavy dose of the plague, dying and then ending up in a pile of similar equally dead and bloated people only to get feasted on by the same rat that had started spreading the crap in the first place. Ooops, sorry. My train of thought got derailed.

Ultra major level annoyance: Playing a FPS online and some little ass is showing off his twitch skills by jumping non-stop and racking up a ton of kills while his teammates are getting slaughtered. All the while he's using his third hand to type taunts and talk smack. I've never personally seen it, but I've heard that those guys can do all that because they are mutated and have three hands. I can't imagine it'd be possible for a normal human to accomplish such a feat. Getting a kill is a kick, as anyone that playsd such games can tell you, but when you finally manage to surprise one of those little three handed bastards while he's using two of his hands to drink a gallon of Red Bull and you put an <insert weapon of choice here> up to his melon and pull the trigger, man, now that's a thrill that almost makes it all worthwhile. At least until you realize that the joy is fleeting and the little monster is now fixated on you and spends the rest of the game camping the spawn points waiting for you to pop up.

Being able to climb over an obstacle is important in some games but I do think that there are a whole lot less annoyance inducing ways than jumping. Some games have absolutely NO reason to have jumping in them but it's in there anyway. So please stop the madness before we all end up like those poor souls in the Dark Ages. If that's not enough reason to stop jumping and/or stop putting jumping in games that don't need it, well, your heart is so hard that my asking nicely to stop isn't going to work either.

I'll leave you with this final thought:  Jumping is for Donkey Kong. If you're not being faced with endless rolling barrels don't do it.

[EDIT: I guess I should have put in a disclaimer stating that the post was meant as humor. I was in no way implying that I wished anyone who chose to use jumping as their action of choice any ill will or hoped that they were bitten by fleas, caught the Black Plague or were nibbled on by rats. Judging by some of  the  responses in comments you'd think that I'd wished that fate on them or someone they loved. It's meant as humor. If you don't like it or find it funny, don't be offended by it. I'm not really annoyed that some people treat my game of choice as a multiplayer version of Frogger. I find humor in their actions and decided to post about it in my typical dry, sarcastic, rambling way.]