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MMOWTF: Behind the Madness

Just in case you can't get enough of my weekly published trash you can read all about the crap that never got it's own article. Enough the blog.

Author: Danmann

MMOWTF Recap #8: Teh Game

Posted by Danmann Saturday June 23 2007 at 5:05PM
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This little rant was perhaps one of my favorite ones to write. There are definately lots of gems in here depending on how you read it. Obviously the whole thing is just a gaint mock of expected features for most games. I was partially inspired by Distortion0  and his great thread about his most original game ever.

The GAME was somewhat aimed at certain casual players who expect to have everything served to them on a silver platter in any game they choose to play. The Filtering system though is great idea if someone could get it to work. There were a couple edits to my original work including the removal of the ™ from the title even though he left it in the rest of the article and chopping off 'Third World" from my comment about countries needing a dictator...wouldn't want to piss off  Ethiopia right?

Anyway..Let's take a look back at it shall we?


                            The GAME™


I’m sick of playing other peoples’ crappy online games. Everyone should be able to play one game that gives them exactly what they want. Whether you prefer instant gratification or a rewarding grind we should be able have the best part of all games in a single package. I decided the only way to make this a reality was do it myself. That’s right you heard me, I’m making my own game and it will appeal to everyone. It’s known simply as "The Greatest All-Player MMO Evah" (The GAME™) and I’m giving you, my biggest fans and critics, a sneak peak!



The problem with all other games, which we’ll just collectively call ‘Teh Suck’, is that they all favor a few certain types of players so that you have to jump from game to game just to find the one that suits you best only to have it go bankrupt or change completely. This is where The GAME™ comes in, because not only is it completely original, but it combines all your favorite elements into one beautiful package and has features that have never been in another game, let alone an MMORPG.



It seems like every MMO out there has the same old setting. In most games you can pick from either a Fantasy, Sci-Fi, or some odd hybrid of the two, but in The GAME™ I decided to create an entirely original universe to experience. The players can choose to be one of the hundreds of playable races ranging from the brooding Ovanmitts who have the innate ability to resist heat to the peaceful and helpful Kee’Chayns that can carry lots of useful items and even have a dangerous snap attack. Each of the races can be customized to an insane degree as well. For example, you can stretch and bend your avatar or even change their texture. Even the normally rectangular Remoat’Khantrol can be round or completely made of gelatin with our incredible character creation process. All the races have been thoroughly tested on paper and I can safely say they are all completely balanced.



Unlike most boring games that start out all players in a single ‘noob area’, in The GAME™ you can start in any of the thousands of colonized worlds! Your adventure can begin on the planet of I’hop in the Gran’ola sector of space which is a world made completely of hash browns and smothered by a cooled layer of pepperjack cheese. Explore the caverns of Bel’le’Buton which are beautiful but dangerous, being infested with the evil servants of Lynt. I’ve spent literally dozens of minutes detailing these worlds to be as realistic and original as possible so there will never be a dull moment.



Each of these fantastic worlds is seamless with no loading times allowing people who love to explore a chance to discover hidden ruins or make contact with lost civilizations. For those who prefer to not waste time traveling anywhere there are ‘instaporters’ every hundred feet that connect all the civilized worlds in the universe. Just simply select your destination and you’re off to any part of the galaxy. If that’s not instant enough, all players have a portable device that can teleport them to anyone on their friends list anywhere in the game with the click of a mouse. You’ll never be out of the action!



Taking the idea of making everyone happy a step further, I decided to throw a twist into the character advancement. Some people prefer a linear progression with simple and straightforward classes while others prefer to choose your own skills and make the kind of character they want outside of the boundaries of a rigid class-based system. In The GAME™ you can choose which advancement system you want and you can change your mind at any time! Staying true to my original design, I completely renamed the classes and skills so no one could claim I ripped off my ideas from anyone. For example, I combined Fighters, Nukers and Healers into one class, gave it stealth and named it the Corpsemaker. Don’t be intimidated by the thousands of choices in making a character, you can respec at anytime and all the options are explained in detail in the small-print instruction novel.



The real feature that is sure to win everyone over is the all powerful ‘Filter System’. Using completely new and untested technology, I’ve developed a way to have each player determine their perfect level of immersion. Similar to most ‘normal’ games that offer sliders and settings that maximize performance, my Filter System allows you unparalleled control of your online experience.



Using this revolutionary system, any player can choose to filter ANY aspect of the game at any time! Tired of being annoyed by those higher level jerks who keep stealing you kills and training mobs on you? Just filter em’ out! With a stunningly simple interface you can keep players, objects, monsters, even entire cities from affecting you at all! Of course unless they filter you out players can still see and interact with your character. A griefer can kill you, but unless you have him filtered in you won’t suffer any ill effects, while on his screen you die quickly. My bleeding edge then AI simulates your response allowing him to see you whine incessantly. You can even filter out all the other players and make it a giant single player game if you choose to...It’s the best of all worlds!



In The GAME™ I created a detailed faction system to allow players to gain prestige with the NPC and player created groups throughout the universe. By completing various tasks and quests for the different empires and groups you gain points that eventually allow you to purchase goods and services at a discounted price. At the highest levels of influence, entirely new areas are unlocked like the "Harem of Duke Flexible" and "The Tomb of King Tooeasy" who purportedly left his most epic treasures guarded by a bunch of grey mobs. For the overachiever in your guild the ‘Trials of Ownage’ allow players to even gain real world power, although I’m still in negotiations with the various Third World countries that need a new dictator, this feature is slated for a future expansion.




While most of these ideas are almost completely converted to paper from the Wendy’s napkins I scribbled them on, there is still plenty of time to see your ideas implemented before The GAME™ goes gold. Be part of the next big thing in gaming, if you have an idea or suggestion that would make it even better please submit it to me via the forum and I’ll make sure you don’t get the credit for it when it comes time to pay out royalties.



Till next time,

- Dan Fortier