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The List: The MMOlympics

Column By Suzie Ford on August 07, 2012

Unless you’re living under a rock, you are aware that the Summer Olympic Games are underway in London, England. Athletes from around the world are competing for dominance in sports as wide-ranging as synchronized diving to field hockey to table tennis.

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But what’s missing? Why MMO-style events! That’s right. We think that there are some great in game events that would make terrific additions to any Olympic celebration. Check out our list and then add your own ideas!

HUTTBALL – Star Wars: The Old Republic, Bioware

I mean come ON. How cool would it be to see teams of players going for the gold, not by following some namby pamby rules but by employing any means necessary to win? Bioware has gifted Star Wars: The Old Republic players with a *golden* (har har!) opportunity to do just that with Huttball, a game similar to American football with the caveat that “oh yeah…you can die” attached.


Grab that ball and run like hell for the opposing team’s goal line and try not to get killed while you’re on your way. Does it get any better than that? I look at it sort of like a “last team standing” kind of thing where the final group holding the ball and wildly taunting the defeated would take home top honors.

Nothing’ says GOLD like spiking the ball in your opponent’s face.

SWIMMING – Lord of the Rings Online, Turbine

Fans and players of Turbine’s Lord of the Rings Online don’t even have to think about this one. All I have to say is “EVENDIM”. Water, water everywhere. Groans erupt. Fists slam into the keyboard. Palms slap into faces.

But think of it: Players already have to swim and swim and swim and swim to get anywhere in Evendim. Why not make it a MMOlympic sport? Both short sprints and long distance swims could be included.

I wonder if Michael Phelps mentally trains himself by swimming in Evendim?

SYNCHRONIZED DANCING – Guild Wars, ArenaNet

One of the first times I ever visited Lion’s Arch, I was amazed to find a group of about ten players all dancing in synchronicity. I sat there watching with my jaw hanging down. It was the most amazing thing I’d ever seen. They were perfectly timed with one another.

I realize that Guild Wars isn’t the only game that this happens in. After all, dance emotes have become pretty damn popular, probably for exactly this reason. But if we can have synchronized diving, synchronized swimming, and synchronized whatever-else, why not virtual dancing? I’d warrant it’s even harder to pull it off than in “real life”.

Kind of gives you some thoughts about Dancing with the (MMO) Stars, doesn’t it?

CROSS COUNTRY MARATHON – The Secret World, Funcom

As a recent and avid player of Funcom’s The Secret World, I can tell you that running is something you get really used to doing. With the massive zones and no quick travel option within them, players spend a lot of time running to and fro. Sure there’s that sprint option but it still amounts to several minutes at times mashing “W” to get where you need to go.

I suppose that we’re all lucky that there’s no fatigue in The Secret World. Remember in Diablo 2 in your character’s earliest levels and being chased by a horde of monsters only to have your stamina run out? Yeah, me too. If TSW used something like that…oh the horror.

Run, Forrest, run!

KEG TOSSING – World of Warcraft, Blizzard Entertainment

Not only does the “There and Back Again” quest in Blizzard’s World of Warcraft embody the idea of tossing kegs of brew around but it also includes a relay race as well. We have the potential for a twofer medal here.

During the quest, participants are asked to find a stranded goblin who will toss you a keg to take back Ram Master Ray’s assistant. Do this three times and BOOM, BABY! You’ve won. Of course, this is a single player’s quest so to spice things up, why not add in a PvP option and, oh I don’t know…maybe a hundred players?

What a great combination of shot put and relay. Think of this one as part of the decathlon of the MMOlympics.

So there you have it, our list of a few worthy MMO events for inclusion in the next Summer Olympics in 2016. What would you add? Let us know in the comments!

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