The Digital Parent: Raising a Gamer

Thanks for that, my boy just became 4 and he's showing interest in the rpgs I'm playing... he is even making opinions on the bad guys that need whooping and why that wolf attacked us, lol, I still dunno how to fully handle this, but your post makes me a bit more optimistic. So, thanks :)

My son played wow with me from the Age of 5 we have quit now waiting for star wars!  He leads a healthy life is in the starting line up for his schools basketball team and is very confident of himself.

Did you video the kid running from Scooby Doo?  That would make a nice youtube.  If not you might invite him over again and put it on.

I'd much rather play with my son and teach him things than sit on the sofa watching TV shows he really would not be interested in.

The interactive element is key, I will enlighten on a small story:

I taught my son how to play wow really well over time in a detailed manner, where quest locations were and how to do things.  Around a year or two ago now we started levelling new characters together while he was on holiday and I had forgotten how to do some things I was very rusty.  He took the helm and I followed him around watching his sharp mind sort everything out.  Later in wrath of the lich king he even managed to join some raids on his warrior and get a few bits of gear all off his own back.  Watching this play out made me admire him, he had learnt some complex systems and managed to socially interact properly enough to get himself ahead in the game.  These skills are easily transferrable to real life and in my view are far better than him watching rubbish where he doesnt control the direction of the story and is a passive respondent to the media.

Excellent article, I especially liked the bit about how making their own choices in games (as opposed to being influenced by characters in movies and tv shows) can help children foster good habits early since they have a better understanding of the consequences of their actions.

I'm currently letting my 6 and 4 year old boys play DC universe. Not much in there that kids can't see in cartoons. This was a good read.

Great article!

Really makes me think about how I'll raise my son - if someday I happen to have one - on the days to come.

I'd like to add that online games also help kids develop teamwork and communication skills, since those are the core of any guild / RvR / FPS based games!

Thank you, Garret :)

I am a mother, a gamer, and a farmer. My son, now 19, is an avid gamer.  Farming taught my son at an early age all the real world life and death issues. Farming and gaming taught him hand eye coordination, and problem solving. He grew up raising calves and Pokemon (most of the calves were named for Pokemon). No matter what his friends were playing, I did not buy the more violent games when he was young.  His passion is gaming and football. He learned strategy playing games like Stronghold, Warcraft III, Madden. He was co-captain of his football team in high school, assistant raid leader in his guild in Wow.  Games only augmented his life experience.

Games are there, their friends' all play, they are on all devices. You can not escape them, but you can control, monitor, coach, and play with them. You still are the parent. Common sense is still the number one rule.

By the way, my kid can type in chat in the dark, can scan your gear by eye and tell you you need an upgrade, can type and run at the same time, can do those jumps that  you just can't seem to get, and knows how to crunch the stat numbers.  He guides his buddies in COD, but most of all, they have fun.

If you aren't a gamer, at least learn about what they are playing, so when they are all excited about new gear, or a grand achievement, you can act interested. It is important to them. It should be important to you.

Good article.

the best thing you can do for your kid is to keep him/her the hell away from games.

Best article i've read on this site in a very long time.  I'm a father of a 3.5 year old.  I recently bought the family an Kindle Fire and loaded it up with logic/educational games.

I've seen him playing Cut the Rope and it boggles my mind how he's intuitively and through trial and error, found the solution to some of the complex puzzles in the game.  Early on, he played Angry Birds and was wildely off in his marks, but within the last week, he knows how to properly angle the sling in order to hit the targets.

I look forward to the day where he's old enough to play some MMORPGs with his father.... I've even told my wife that I wait for the day where I can build him his own computer, right next to daddy's office.

Originally posted by sonoggi

the best thing you can do for your kid is to keep him/her the hell away from games.

 

Bah humbug.

You can't keep them away forever. Like swearing (I still don't understand why parents get all freaked out when their kids swear), they WILL be introduced to gaming sooner or later, be it with friends, at school, etc. Your job as a parent is to teach moderation and help the child to learn and understand good morals. Keeping them away from video games will only strengthen their curiosity when they are finally introduced.

I gave the swearing example because parents often go at their kids when they finally learn to swear. Why? What's the point? They'll be doing it sooner or later. Why not simply teach them moderation, and when is not appropriate. Merely going at them over it will strengthen their resolve to swear when they feel rebelious. Well it's not really rebelling when you don't mind now is it :P

Keeping them away from video games will merely make them want to get more involved with them sooner or later. You might as well just accept that they're going to play, and as Garrett Fuller did, help to ground them in real life.

Good article! Can really relate to it.

"So as a parent who plays video games, what do you do with your child?"

DUH, easy...

Play minecraft with them. 

Im a father of 2, and a gamer for 20 years.  My son is 14 and also a big xbox gamer.  We however apply some strict rules, 3 hours a day on a schoolday where he is not allowed upstairs and has to stay downstairs with the family, if he also does homework etc then he can get on.  Ive noticed with children in his school that socialising in game is a huge thing, and I personally believe that the balance is not right and that children are in ganger of not being able to learn how to socialise in real life.  Balance is everything.  Incidently also banned COD after allowing him to have ot for a stint.  That type of game really does bring out the agression and anti-social behaviour do to the nature of it, i.e run kill, be killed, run kill, be killed.  

If i catch my son swearing i take the game he is playing away, and return it as soon as he does the dishes - seems to be working :)  

I started playing D&D at age 6 with my much older brothers. We had the usual Pong then Atari 2600 and eventually we were given a Commodore 64 where we played all the SSI Gold box series of games.

I have three children. One 16 who is mostly interested in Facebook but loves to play Rift, she loves the online social aspect of it and while I frown at giving away too much anonymity online she jumps right in. I really dispise Facebook.

My 13 year old is a very avid gamer, he loves what i love. Roleplaying in Oblivion or shooting at bad guys in Star Wars, he eats it up. He currently has a 4.0 GPA in school and has a very good grasp on what is reality and fantasy. I let him game from the time he was 4 years old with Spyro the Dragon and he went from there. I was always there to inform him of the difference between reality and fantasy as I see that as the key element in jumping into the electronic/information age we are moving to.

My youngest son, 5, Has beat every Lego video game we have let him play, sometimes within a few hours. He is a master at figuring out puzzles. He knows very clearly what right and wrong are and I see this in him more and more which is why I continue to let him play games. "I don't want to be the bad guy daddy, I want to help bad guys become a good guy" is a very common thing to hear from him while he is playing games.

I am all for embracing this new age. However I do have to inform my children about scandals and their behavior a little early on but that is part of growing up and learning. None of my children were allowed to group in games until age 12, they were fine with it, I still keep an eye on their chat, but that's just parenting. Making sure your kids play with the right sort of kids.

We still play outside and take walks to the park to play. Making a proper balance is also good parenting, just like making sure they eat enough protein and vegetables.

TV is mostly what I make my children avoid. I have noticed far more bad behavior from my children after they start watching particular shows. I contemplate actually removing cable from my house and just having internet at least once a weak.

Good article, i can relate to allot and don't think it's much different in your typical household, you're going to hear similar stories throughout. It's not strange to your kids it's only strange to you as this isn't how you grew up. Think back what did your parents think was strange when you were growing up? Long hair, hard rock, blasting music, goth look, gory movies, whatever it was but be sure it was something. It's the same thing only different subject matter. The biggest difference is it turns out to be something you can lovingly embrace with your children on a common ground.

My kids had computer lab in kindergarten for Pete-sake i guess the end of the day speech of the article is "Instead of blasting tech as the devil, embrace its advantages".

Having very similar stories, looks are bigger than stats until they get a little older and know the difference, then watch the math skills go through the roof, before that it was if you want to know whats going on then read it. My wife and i would let them read and only help them along. It's their interest and good for reading skills.

The decision making, death, gore subject, they ain't stupid you have to give them much more credit and here is a story why. My eldest boy was playing Mass Effect about a year or so ago and came to me with a huge problem with the game, i'm thinking it wont run or something, NO, it was whether to save Kaiden or Ashley "OMG is all i thought", we sat and we talked about this extensively and you'd be surprised at some of the most insightful intelligent things he had thought about, kBlew me AWaYz. Anyway it was huge to him and time and time again he stated i know it's only a game but it was important for him to make the right choice as someone is going to die (i kinda thought talk about getting into a game), and in the end he chose..

haha, Well who do you think he chose?

His choice was to save Ashley.

My oldest son is into gaming just like hisa daddy. I tried to mix up his hobbies but he leaned to hard toward his video games I just let him be.

As I type this He's playing Skyrim while he waits for his friends to log on Live so they could play COD:MW3

Over 90% of all children play video games in the US.

With how dangerous the big city areas are in this country I can't blame parents for wanting their kids to stay indoors and play games in a safe environment.

Excellent article, I enjoyed it a lot!

Good article. It seems to me (being a parent myself) that the kids online who are problem children, always being vulgar and rude must have non-gaming parents.

The same can be said I think about teens or young adults who grew up without a parent monitoring how they act/react towards strangers in a rude way. 

Great article. Love to see how positively kids react to good/evil choices. I also believe that kids shouldn't be sheltered from everything that's not entirely wholesome. The reason why fairy tales with scary content were around for centuries was to help them to absorb the concept of fear and to let them deal with it. Best example are the Grimm's brothers tales, which - if you don't just watch the diluted Disney-crap versions of, but actually read them - are not just scary, but downright gory at times. They are like that for a reason: to teach children to deal with their archetypical fears. I applaud every parent who encourages this by any means, books or pc games.

Nevertheless - and I know loads of you will loathe me for saying this - if I sign up for a game that is mainly for adults, I don't want to play with kids.

I've played wow for almost 5 years and one of the reasons why I can't face it anymore (apart from having maxed out all classes and all professions) are the teenage-trolls.

I tried the beta for SWTOR and loved it, will definitely play it when it comes out. I like lots of things about it, one of them is, that it's supposed to be 16+.

And no, I'm not a sad, lonely male geek. I'm a happily married, female geek.

Fundamentally, it's a parent's task to teach kids about right and wrong, not pc games.

I always get a chuckle out of people who claim gaming is rotting the brains of the youth. I was playing RPGs back when Ultima (for Nintendo) was hot shit, walking into class surrounded by first graders and teachers wondering how my vocabulary, math and "critical thinking" skills were so great. Got bored with High School, tested out of it (in the 8th grade) and spent the next few years polishing my drawing and writing skills while teaching myself programming and digital design until I was able to start college, where I'm at the end of my run for a BA in Media and Animation.

Never did playing a video game disrupt any of that, and I played a hell of a lot of them. I think a lot of that is BECAUSE my parents played my video games with me, or would watch me play. Meanwhile I watched my mother struggle and succeed in college as well (became a Nurse) and my step-dad made sure that, before we stayed up all night kicking each other's ass in Mortal Kombat, all my homework and studies were taken care of.

I will say however, there are a lot of people who truly are "addicted" to gaming and don't understand that you can be a motivated, productive person and still fit "end game" into your life. I think it's those people, and worse yet parents who let their kids become those people, that create the image of losers and slackers promoted by the media. At this point though, I'm not even sure it's possible to completely shelter your kids from gaming or media in general, so you're far better served teaching them moderation and instilling in them the values necessary to actually become someone, aside from their passtimes (whatever they may be). At least that way, they're more likely to make the right decisions when you're not around.

One of the best pieces I've read on this site.  Well done man.

Well i have two daughters 12 and 14 , but i know that in 2004 i had a problem with gaming, it started to comsume my whole life i have (since then) cut back a fair amount. I dont let my kids play the games i do nor do i encourage them to do so. But i know one day they may end up playing them.I do tell them that my gaming was a partial reason why me and their mother split up but to not let them be afraid of gaming because its up to each individual person to regualte how much they play. i let them know my own experiences and what to watch out for if they decide to play.

I think that all you can to is just give your kids the best information you can and hope that your paranting has been good.

I grew up with games starting with my Atari 2600 all the way up to my PC and PS3.  So it makes sense that my kids are also growing up with them.  My wife and I are gamers and geeks in general yet we both are responsible and are teaching our kids to also be responsible.  Do we sometimes spend 5 or 6 hours gaming in a day?  Sure, but we also spend that and more at the park, eating dinner, talking and rolling around on the floor.  Oh yea...homework, Dr. Who, Stargate SG-1, Star Trek / Wars, acting silly and many other things are in there too.  Plus, we screen every game our kids play (we have 3 comps and they are all in the family room so everyone can see everything....besides, my kids are good kids anyway ;P).  Pretty much boils down to personal responsibility.  I've had so much fun playing games all my life that there is no way I would deprive my kids of the same. 

Gaming may not be the healthiest or productive activity to offer a child, but I will give the writer credit for being involved with his children.

It's more than most parents can boast in this era.

  As someone who grew up in the 60s and 70s and was a gamer way back then and still is. I see gaming as a fun hobby, as a parent I make sure just like any other hobby that I explain things and monitor what is going on. I've got one son in the military like I was, one in college and two daughters still in high school.  I've also been an online gamer for about twenty years now and a couple of our kids are also into online gaming of various types.

  Since all of the kids have maintained high grades, and been active in sports, band, drama etc, including going to state as captain of the cross country team in the case of one of the boys, I've not seen any negative impact from the hobby of playing games. Of course all of them read a lot as well, this house has thousands of books, 4 desktop units 3 lap tops , PS3, X-box etc. We are all very busy and yet the wife and I have always managed to keep a close eye on what the kids do and have done a good job at explaining to them how we expect them to behave and how not to behave. 

  For us the simple rule with online behavior or behavior anywhere has been this,  "put yourself in the shoes of the person your talking to or interacting with. Would you like it if what you were saying was being directed at you? Be honest with yourself on that one and you'll seldom run into any problems."  None of them have ever been in a fight, and we talk about everything, and always have. Are they perfect? Hell no, but their good people and I'm proud of who each one is and what they do.

 A big difference in how I parent versus how my parents parented me is this. I make sure I explain the whats and whys of everything.  The cause and effect as it were, trying to spark common sense and critical thinking in the kids. ( say kids but when your talking 16 to 23 really your talking young adult to adult now)  Anyhow my point is that it worked, I know I might have reacted much differently to things my parents chewed my ass on if they had bothered to explain things better then just yelling at me with things like, "Your grounded! Don't ever do that again! Because I say so!"   We've also always been consistant and I believe fair with discpline in regards to punishment.

 Anyhow whether the kids hobby is gaming, football, skiing or picking their toe nails, monitoring, explaining, and making sure that you try never to be a hypocrite are really good things to keep in mind.  Our approach has always been that we want them to talk to us, and that they understand that we don't pretend to be perfect or always know the answer, but that we care enough to try and find out. That they can come to us and talk about anything and even if we don't agree with them we will respect their point of view.  So whether its sex education, gaming, careers or politics, just give your kids some credit and listen to them and talk with them, not to them. :) Wow did I get long winded an ramble.

Good topic. I have my first kid on the way due in 5 months and I've been thinking about how much exposure (if any) I want them to have to video games. Part of me just wants to pack up all the game systems and not let them see video games at all. But I know eventually they'll discover them and want to play with or without my consent at a friend's house or something. 

I was probably around 7 years old when we got our first home console (Atari 2600), but I know kids now are gaming at a much earlier age than that. Plus games back then were way simpler and didn't contain objectionable content like they do these days.  I'm just not sure how I feel about 2-3 year old kids being exposed to modern games. Maybe I should just hook up the Super Nintendo and put the other systems away.

My son started playing warhammer with me when he was six. He turns nine next week and we now have his computer set up next to mine and we are eagerly awaiting the release of Tor in a few weeks. We spend all of our spare time togather anyway and this is just another thing we can do without having to sit through another episode of sponge bob.

Is it good for kids? I have no idea but they are going to play games anyway, it might as well be in a situation where I'm involved also. 

I think moderation is key. My neighbor's son is 6 years old and weighs about 100 pounds. You never see him outside because he is glued to the TV playing games. My son and I started playing SWG together in 2005 when he was 11. We would not allow ourselves to play very long because I didn't want him becoming an addict. And...blood clots from extended play are becoming more and more common these days.

I have no intention of letting my kids play MMOs (or even video games in general). Its bad enough as an adult to control the amount of time I spend playing them, let alone a small child with no self restraint. 

Not even addressing the fact that a lot of the shit on MMOs is incredibly inappropriate for kids (namely because of the other players), kids dont need to spend hours of their waking lives in front of a computer gamig. I regret doing it myself, and will def not be doing so with kids.

good article, this topic could go on for days.  My children play games of course too and I plan to play tor with my 9 y/o, which will require a second account :(.  I plan to censor the game in several ways, i.e can only play when I am on, cannot talk to anyone, and I'll closely monitor the companion to keep out any romance non-sense.  Other things will come about but I figure as long as i'm playing with him I can regulate the content.  Despite all that we are both looking forward to it and my wife is even going to get the kids a new computer to handle the requirements of the game

cheers!

i felt compelled to talk about one more issue, which is activities other than games.  It's really trite to say the kids should go outside more and play tag, climb trees and fences and stuff but they really don't have much value for those things and to create fun on their own.  What i do with my 9 y/o is to put him in the cubscouts which he loves.  This gets him learning new skills, interacting with other boys and finding other aspects of life he likes rather than just the games.  It's also another venue that I can do things with him.  Highly recommend it for those of you with elementary school kids 1st to 4th grade.

I'm glad to have read this article.  My son has been sitting in my lap gaming with me since he was an infant.  He is also a football player and T-baller as well though, and is now five himself.  You are right I have watched him learn a lot from gaming and now I hope his new sister can as well.

I am currently getting my masters in Educational Technology and when I get my doctors I plan to do the research in using games (AAA games) to teach literacy skills.  As a gamer I see the value in some of these games and I want to let my students have an opportunity to learn in a way that is meaningful to them!  I love this article and I'm printing it out as further evidence for my cause :P