Sanya Weathers's MMO Underbelly: How To Read A Press Release
This week, Sanya tears apart a fictional press release to help people read between the lines and figure out what companies are really saying.
I have helpfully annotated a fictional press release for your edification. Please note that these comments do not apply to releases from small, underfunded startups, for the most part. It takes professional skill and lots of money to be this mendacious.
The fictional press release is published in blue, while my commentary is in white.
Embargoed until 6/22/09
The embargo is because a print magazine with maybe a tenth of the readers of a website has a 24-hour exclusive.
Worldquest of Champhammer Hits One Million!
Notice the lack of a concluding noun. Users? Players? Unicorns? Who knows? Most reporters don’t read anything past the headline and the opening statement, and the PR person knows it. The PR person also knows that every reporter is going to paraphrase the headline. After all, paraphrasing a release makes you a *journalist*, but posting press releases makes you a studio’s bitch. Or something like that. Anyway, an ambiguous headline makes it more likely that the lazy reporter will jump to a flattering conclusion like “one million active subscribers.”
ACTUAL LOCATION OF STUDIO, ACTUAL STATE –
Well, no. The release writer is almost certainly not located anywhere near the studio. Even if they’re in the same state, the writer probably didn’t talk to any developers. The writer is probably reading websites and talking to reporters, though, especially if the studio doesn’t have a decent community person.
Awesome Super Studios and their publisher, Home of Live Entertainment, announced today that their innovative new title, Worldquest of Champhammer, has reached one million registered users in less than three days.
“Innovative” can be replaced with any random buzzword the studio manager has the hots for that week. Savvy release writers working for micromanaging douchehounds will also throw in random adjectives. It’s low hanging fruit the douchehounds in question can change and feel like they accomplished something, without causing painful last minute revision work for the writer.
“Registered” means an account has been created, or a CD key has been checked in, but no human has necessarily logged in at all. “Users” is the accepted industry term for “people who have not yet choked up any money.” And the number of days is counting from launch day onwards, but the number of registered users is counting everyone who pre-ordered, and sometimes even counts the late stage beta testers, if those testers were rewarded by being allowed to keep their levels and gear.
Now you know why Blizzard put that “definition of customer” into their releases for so long. They actually had something to brag about.
Worldquest of Champhammer is now officially the fastest growing subscription MMO in North America and other westernized territories.
“Fastest growing” is dividing the number of “registered users” by the number of days since launch. “Subscription” is thrown in there to avoid the issue of how many free downloads or free games see faster growth. And “westernized,” “oceanic,” “European,” or whatever, are all words to rule out any of the Asian territories.
“Our growth is dramatically exceeding our expectations,” says John Doe, President, Co-Founder, Lead Designer, and Giant Douchehound. “We want to thank our players and our retailers for their enthusiastic support. We’ve delivered a highly polished product, and we’re hard at work on our next content patch with flying beagles.”
First of all, John Doe said no such thing. The PR person writing this thing couldn’t get John Doe to return a phone call or answer an email in ten million years. However, John Doe has let it be known that leaving out any of his titles will be cause for a whining sulking hissy fit that will last for days. He is all of those things, and don’t you forget it because he was designing games with punch cards and rubber bands when you were just playing D&D.
But it’s good that John doesn’t write his own quotes. John is too much of a self-centered cretin to think of thanking the retailers or the players, so it’s best someone without a personality disorder is the one writing the quotes.
“Polished product” was a phrase the writer was told to include in every press release as part of the branding.
The flying beagles feature mentioned was on the three month plan that PR/Marketing was given. A senior producer type approved this press release before it was sent out. Front line employees will read this release and drop dead of heart failure, because the feature was cut due to the impossibility of its execution and/or its highly exploitative potential.
Oh, and “dramatically exceeding expectations” is code for “we know the servers are crashing every ten minutes, please stop complaining about it.”
About the game: Worldquest of Champhammer was the long-awaited MMO version of the popular gaming franchise. More information can be found at the company website. Featuring PVP, PVE, EVP, PCP, and actual pee, the game is playable by everyone all over the world.
“Long-awaited” is usually a nod to how badly the launch was delayed.
About the studio: Awesome Super Studios was founded in 1979 by John Doe, and their first title was programmed entirely by punch cards that Doe made himself with an awl. Since then, the studio has created dozens of popular titles, including Worldquest of Champhammer.
John Doe’s co-founders are not mentioned. Any “about the studio” blurb that reads like this is a warning to potential employees to inquire as to the degree of interaction they will be required to endure with this monkey.
About the publisher: Home of Live Entertainment has been a leading publisher of multiplayer games for a billion years. With a prominent profile in Europe, and a satellite studio in Beijing, Home is poised to dominate gaming for the next generation.
That’s all code for “lots of money,” “global perspective,” and “cheap outsourcing available to our client states – join us today.”
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Epic!
Haha, there needs to be a I told you so poll attached to your article. I've been hearing players here saying simialr things everytime a company press release is put out.
Oh, wow. Another whiny, "funny" people-who-work-on-MMOs-are-the-DEVIL piece of satire crap. This is EXACTLY what I want to read when I come to this site.
Yeah. I keep the horns filed, though.
Edit to add: What I mean is that I wrote press releases in my first two post-college jobs, and my experience in the game industry proved that there was nothing new under the sun. I do think it's funny when people take press releases literally.
Was funny.
Made me chuckle.
Yeah its interesting how journalists will spin anything and everything.
Thats the Capitalist mentality. What ever brings in the most readers, viewers, or gets more money from the studio & publisher is the right thing to do.
Okay, I'm taking a mulligan on my last post, especially because I felt like a jerk after I looked up what a Director of Community Relations does. It went something like:
"A-HA! What could a person who's job it was to write press releases possibly know about... oh."
Lovely column. Did Mythic make you this cynical about the game industry or was the damage already done when being an EQ guide? :D
Edit: Wait. I read Tweety. Never mind :p
::Chuckles::
Are you going to copy and Paste Tasos posts for your next article labelled "How to Read Developer Blogs"?
Right on Sanya!
Dana is awesome. Everything she writes is smart and entertaining.
All the other columnists suck, and I hope they get fired soon.
Careful DarkRexx, apologizing on the Internet causes an intensely painful rash. It must, since you see it so rarely done!
I know it's not going to happen, but, just once, I'd like to see an insider take apart a real press release. It would be highly entertain, er, edumacational.
First, Dana is a guy.
Second, Sanya wrote this, not Dana.
Dana is one of those other columnists/employee of that site that I assume you hope gets fired ;)
Sadly I am one of these people who took press releases 'kind' of seriously... I knew most of the press release was bunk. but I had no idea the extent of the Founder/lead developer/CEO ego issues.
The fact that said people are quoted for things they have not said, is just scary. And the fact that its necessary to massage one persons ego so much in a press release is just frightning...
And we all know about the 'new features' talked about in press releases. Its kind of sad really. A developer could have a 20 minute conversation about a conversation they had about possible ideas they had for an expansion, such as flying monkies coming out of the behinds of PVE cheater. The next day the boards would be lit up by why this was not in the game yet, when is this feature going to be added, and people screaming bloody murder and threatening to stop their subscription if it is added.
Your just in a no win situation when you talk about any feature, what is a absolute known quantity today could be impossible to implement tomarrow. Happens all the time and no amount of explemantion will ever stop the forum whining about it though.
Funny aside, the part about no coufounders being mentioned, reminds me of the EA mess on wikipedia a while back.
Some emloyees at Eletronic Arts were "cleaning" up the wikipedia entry for EA.: little things like cutting out all the referances to contraversies that EA had been involved in... and revising history by editing out all referances to the original founder and CEO of EA..
I never have been able to figure out why they did this or why the new CEO would want all referances to the past CEO (who did not have any contreversies under his leadership by the way).
The only reasion I can come up with is Sanya's: He (the current CEO at the time, they have a new one now I think) was a giant douchehound and ego maniac that could not handle referances or acknoledgement of anyone else besides himself.
So Sanya I have a question for you, why do these founder/CEO/Lead producers have this ego problem? You wrote press releases, why would they refuse to talk to you and then have a hissy fit if you forgot a title or mentioned another founder type?
And luckily I mostley only by games by Bioware/Blizzard/Cryptic, companies where if any employee or founder is stupid enough to make themselves known to the public, they are beaten, flogged, humiliated, tarred, and feathered, as is proper and just. :P
I didn't apologize. I took a mulligan. The offending post never happened. :P
First, Dana is a guy.
Second, Sanya wrote this, not Dana.
Dana is one of those other columnists/employee of that site that I assume you hope gets fired ;)
Sanya is awesome. I like her alot, although I feel that her portrait does not do her RL pic justice.
I'm not a fan of Dana's work.
When first reading it it's tempting to think how funny it is (which it is, don't get me wrong) and laugh a bit...for 5 minutes. But then you realize, and I know I'm not the only one who has a long time ago, that this stuff actually happens...and is standard operating procedure.
I learned a LONG time ago not to trust anyone that I hadn't sat at a gaming table with and rolled dice with or that I hadn't seen in a completely drunken state. I also believe that this (what Sanya illustrated) isn't limited to press releases. It goes well into all the video and written interviews you get from people "okayed" by the company to speak to anyone outside the company about the game.
If there was ever a possibility of a grass roots movement for change within this industry, the articles by Sanya and Dana and the discussion that follows would be a good place to start.
Sanya, will you marry me?
By far and away the most entertaining writer this genre has to offer.
Totally true.
Nuff said.
Advertising in general is intentionally deceptive, which is the same as dishonest in my book, and it's insulting. The writers are smiling at you while they tell you, "This product is (insert description)," when they know that it's (at best) not everything they're making it out to be, or (at worst) not at all what they say it is. They're calling us stupid. And why would I give my money to someone who insults me?
Good article. I like your choice of topics!
Just wanted to add something here: Call me black and white - or perhaps over the years I've become a bit of a miser - but if I'm on the fence in regards to buying a product or service, I'll give my money to the entity that's endeavoring to be honest, even if I haven't made up my mind entirely that I need the product or service. In my mind, it's simply rewarding honesty. The opposite is also true. If I feel like I'm being deceived in the slightest, I'll withdraw myself and my money from any association with the the deceptive entity forevermore.
I think any change in the way things are done - any grassroots movement - would have to come from the consumers. The problem becomes convincing others not to buy. Ever try getting someone in your family to cancel their TV service?
I have been playing MMOs for over 10 yrs. now and my fondest memories are from reading Sanya posts on VNBoards and the CamelotHerald. Glad she has joined us here and her articles are great! So true and an eye opener for some. :)
Good article. Really all of this isn't isolated to MMO or the gaming industry as a whole. The fluff that comes out of Apple, MS, Sun, etc. and has been for years. I've seen old adds touting the benefits of tape worms for weight loss.
http://www.diet-blog.com/archives/2007/05/24/vintage_weight_loss_sanitized_tapeworms.php
Still waiting on those beagles.
First, Dana is a guy.
Second, Sanya wrote this, not Dana.
Dana is one of those other columnists/employee of that site that I assume you hope gets fired ;)
ROFL!!!
i don't know wether to laugh
or cry
would also add the the line i usually see on mmorpg's that i look at
a true alternative ot world of warcraft meaning it's different from wow (but shhhh not really)
One of the refreshing bits of social media, including twitter and facebook, is that the companies often assume that they are reaching into the snarky heart of their fandom, and they should actually reduce the bullsh*t quotient if they don't want to be mocked.
This is why I love doing social media consulting -- I get to wrap VP/C level folks brains around the concept that they need to be real and NOT LIE if they want to do it right.
I, btw, am one of those marketing people who has turned down jobs because I'll say *at an interview* "I'll spin but I won't lie, and I know the difference." So we aren't all total whores.
Frankly, I think anyone who understands current marketing is an idiot to stick with the old mushroom paradigm "keep 'em in the dark, and feed 'em crap." There are too many of us today who have good BS detectors, to the point where snark will intrude its fugly head even where it's not merited.
Oh, and fun column! :)
Shava
She's on the money again. That was a free jounalism lesson in a bottle. Go Sanya!
Great Read!!
Thank you Sanya. It was just what I wanted to see you explore.
Funny stuff, and once again ,great job Sanya! Its articles like yours that keep me coming back to this site.
In other words, press releases are pointless media spin
"Hey look at us! we have something important to say! Lets pay someone to make a generic sounding wall of text with one paragraph of interesting or relevant information to the title and fill the rest with pointless facts not even the press gives a shit about or already knows just to get word count and look important. "
Cool, pretty much confirmed what I knew, though in an entertaining way. It's nice to get a laugh at the suits for a change, since they all laugh at us. xD
For all I know they could just write “f-u f-u f-u, pay us monies you sheepish swine” over and over again and I would never notice, actually, I think they do this.
Great stuff! Very accurate. I had to laugh out loud a few times. Very well written.
I honestly tel to all that when i first used to read the game reviews i would believe every thing.. My logic was u cant lie in papers or websites which can b sued.... BUT the reality soon was in front of me...
This is not only a BAD practice in MMos but Gaming community at large.. This is done by business men who are out to ruin the fun.. they know only work and no play:(
lol
But why do we get press releases? Because gamers, gaming magazines and websites like this keep asking them to tell them about their game. So don’t look shocked when you get pointless hype. Funny article though, made my day.
The thread was great too almost a microcosm of MMO life. We had someone thinking a guy was a girl, a proposal of marriage, a declaration of love followed by a realisation they had the wrong girl and the rubbishing others in the journalist 'class'. :D
P.S When do we get our flying beagles as promised?
Yes, "rock solid" and "polished" are some of the terms that forum users throws around form time to time.
I guess that they mean that it's a very good game with few if any bugs but how can they be 100% sure of that before the game has been released?
Epic ...
I couldn't prevent myself from seeing some well known PR guys while reading.
Awesome ...
Thanks Sanya, had my best laugh of the week reading this.
The sad thing it is so true of so many releases. You have to wonder how the MMORPG mods can refrain themselves from commenting when they post some of these ridiculous press releases they post in the news section.
A good example was one we saw this week from SOE about Free Realms. There were actually people on that thread trying to defend SOE. Posters can be so gullible at times.
Coming feature:
So true, funny and sad. I love your articles.
Gotta laugh hard at the F2P games bragging about registered users.
Still, the industry is far from being "good", MMO ones are no exception, games have their players based on hype.
The most funny thing is to read the article and then look at the advertisements this and any other gaming site offers... ;)
This. This is why most devs cringe whenever the faces of their studio goes to press about anything. It's not only "me, me, me, I did this by myself because I am the studio..", but also their ego doesn't allow them to NOT alude to, or even out right promise something that simply cannot be done within the parameters they set. Now you guys see my pain whenever I hear the talking-heads babble. I do however feel sorry for the writers, because usually they are only writing what the talking head told them to write. Most writers are fresh out of school and need that paragraph...
Good work Sanya, spoken like a true insider ;)
although i think it was a bit exaggerated at some points, its a very good article . keep it commin Sanya
There ya go Sanya! That's some good stuff!
Keep it coming because we want all the scabs ripped off so we can see the white meat underneath there. :)
Nice article, and I suppose we can all accept that it's true.
What are the alternatives though? How else can gaming companies with cash restrictions, development costs and financial goals reach us and hold our attention with their products?
How many hundreds of millions have game companies made off spin, although the games were poorly reviewed?
MMORPG.com alone has several Preview articles on games, and when these games are released and reviewed the scores often vary greatly from the accolades lauded upon the title in the Previews.
So what is the answer for dealing with the Gamer if not through gratuitous press releases?
Wat!!! how can it be exaggerated at any point man!!!
Actually its under rated... cos the interview is dated in future where as the stuff happens today in the same manner... perhaps even more hype than shown in the artical
They pay people to write this type of column? This website must be loaded with lots of cash to throw around.
Way to put that drama degree to work.
Either you did not read the article at all or just skimmed it and made a rash judgement without realizing you did not understand it. Either way, your post highlights how naive readers can be.
Have never in my life read an mmo press release. Would rather spend the time playing.
Press releases are a marketing tool, aimed at getting exposure and generating awareness across the internet, in magazines and other media.
They are not a way of communicating with the player. If you follow any game, especially MMOs, you will have noticed that when they send out a press release they will announce the same information on their own site, in plain English.
If I wrote a press release and didn't put hype in it, no website or magazine out there would print it, they'd think it wasn't interesting and not likely to draw people to their site or be of interest to their readers. A little spin and suddenly its a massive story and I get exactly what I want, a headline slot on their site / magazine.
And any half-competent copy writer will make sure there are no actual lies within the press release, just embellishments of the truth.
I thought it was a good read/article....very funny....glad she made the distinction between companies with money who are able to pay for some kind of spin release like this and little indie guys like ourselves who have to meet, butt our heads together with about 5-10 team members and designate someone to write down the ideas for a release. :D
Gotta love public relations:
Its not what you say; its what they HEAR that matters :)
Ken
A good article, I fould myself chuckling several times!
Man! The *generic MMO Genre* is really heating up! I just read a press relesease the other day for SuperMega Relms of Fun and they are promising Flying Bagles at launch, and a Kruller to anyone who pre orders!
Nice work! Keep it coming...
/bravo
Got to say I don't think all the praise is due. It's not the first time I've read someone take apart something corporate and throw in words like bitch and douchebag/douchehound. It's a very bitter outlook with very little actual satirical content. But it's just like the people who scream and jump when a rock band says where they live.
When is World of Champhammer going to be released?
Its Worldquest of Champhammer and its already out and has hit 1million with its new innovative features :P.
Sarcasm aside great article.
A very good read and a nice reminder to not believe everything we hear, see, or read on the interwebz. Sadly gaming press and advertisement don't have any real standards set that they have to follow. At least with general advertising I'm not going to see bayer asprin stating that their pill cures erectile disfunction, hemroids, and oh by the way it also makes my **ck and *ss quit hurting because I have a 24 hour boner and I can't get off the crapper. Game companies have no reprisals if they say the game will do X and then it doesn't actually do X.
P.S. I'm a cynical ***hole.
LOL!
The recent press release said,
"We're very excited about the progress we're making on World of Champhammer. Currently our developers are working hard to ensure that all of the new and innovative features work and that bugs are being eliminated from the game. We anticipate the first round of beta invites to begin sometime in the fall of Q4 in 2010. We will then aggressively work with our beta testers to polish the game and to listen to their feedback so that we can release an amazing and new experience for our fans. World of ChampHammer should see a release in the first quarter of 2050 and we couldn't be more excited!"
Nice read, Sanya! I enjoyed your column, as always.
You forgot one thing imho and it's this:
"With a prominent profile in Europe"
Which actually means:
"We hired some random company with cheap server clusters in Europe, so we don't have to bother with 'em"
You know, every time a publisher announces to treat European customers equally, a little kitty dies painfully...