Profile: neschria
Send PM  Forum Posts  Forum Topics 

I need to get my act together and go to 'work' soon. I promised my husband I'd clean up the shop this morning, as soon as I got our 2-year-old up and dressed. She's eating some cereal now, so I have a moment to post something. I do need to get down there and sweep, etc, before he gets back from the bank and... those other places he said he was going when I wasn't really listening.

Today is son #2's birthday. He turns 17 today. I'll have to call him after school today. (He moved in with his father 6 months ago.) I miss him a lot, but maybe it is for the best that he's there. His grades have improved and his older brother (son #1, 18, to be 19 in April) is here now, and the two of them have a somewhat unhealthy rivalry going on between them. (You know, the sort of rivalry that involves a lot of backstabbing and stealing each other's girlfriends. It's not good.)

Son #1 took a telemarketing job last week, but he didn't go yesterday. We've all given him a hard time about not even calling. He wants to quit. Well, fine, but considering that a friend went out on a limb and got him the job, the least he can do is have the decency to go in and quit, rather than just not showing up anymore.

I've been contemplating my life a lot lately, as my kids are all inching toward adulthood. (Except the 2 year old. She's inching toward elementary school.) I gave up a lot of what I wanted in life when I decided to get married (twice) and have kids (and then more kids) instead. As I get down to fewer kids hanging on my apron strings, I am starting to think I might actually get a second shot at some of those old dreams. The things I am most passionate about haven't really changed much in all these years.

|| Pause -- My husband posted the entry as above because I'd left it stewing on my desktop while I came down here to the shop.

>Play (EDIT: Coming back to finish what I started)

Where was I? Oh, yes, I think it might be time for me to climb out of my rut and follow my passions. I've spent quite a few years doing the day-to-day grind, sometimes working, sometimes staying home with kids. Mostly, I've been supporting the dreams of other people. My husband finally has the business he always wanted. The kids are all doing pretty well, even if the older ones sometimes seem to need a good kick in the head* every once in a while. I don't think it would be entirely too selfish for me to want a little something that's for and about me at this point. Mothers are people too, after all, with thoughts, feelings, and dreams.

MMORPGs have been my substitute for television for a number of years. After dinner, while other people are settling in to watch American Idol**, I am logging in to see what people are up to and what I might get in on. It's something to do with my husband at the end of the day that's cheap, semi-social, and doesn't require a babysitter. I had other hobbies and interests before I started playing MMORPGs "for real" in 2000. (I had accounts in games before that, but I hardly played at all. I didn't think the games were all that fun or interesting. How that changed is a matter for another entry. Let's sum it up as, "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.")

I am thinking about giving up games altogether now. It's not a matter of not having enough time or being addicted. It's more a matter of wanting to do other things that I think are fun with my spare time (even if other people are mystified at how I could enjoy something so "boring") .  Time might be an issue if I manage to get into work and school (full-time all around!), but that's not the main thing. Even if I could find the time, I just can't muster up the enthusiasm to bother.

On top of all that, I have become a fat chick over the years, and I just can't go on like this. I disgust myself, and it is having negative effects on my health. I can't say, "Oh, I've always been fat. I was a fat kid too." That's not true. I wasn't even a fat adult until the last few years. I am NOT blaming MMORPGs for me getting fat. Depression, compulsive overeating, bad food choices, and lack of outdoor activities are all contributing factors. (When I stopped hiking and camping, I really stopped doing much of anything. My husband hates that outdoorsy stuff, and it feels weird to leave him home alone while I am out doing that stuff. Also, when the kids were younger, taking them all out by myself was daunting, to say the least.) I can take responsibility for my own stupidity in this matter. Video games didn't make me sit on my butt eating chips. That was all me. And I can fix it. Losing weight is one of my top priorities now.

All these things are more or less why I am not posting here much anymore. What could I possibly have to say on MMORPG.com when I play one free MMORPG very casually,  maybe one or two nights a week, and I am not even thinking about looking for a new game to play? I can't think of any circumstances that would bring me back into the fold. This black sheep has wandered off.

*(Didn't we all, when we were young? But I don't really expect them to believe anything I tell them about how life works any more than I believed my parents when I was young. I still feel obligated to say those things. It's my job. )

**(I've never seen American Idol. I just assume people are watching it since it seems to come up a lot in popular culture. It's a singing contest, right? I'll pass.)