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51 posts found
  GTwander

Novice Member

Joined: 3/14/09
Posts: 6125

LARPer Hunter

7/08/12 7:30:50 PM#41
Originally posted by Gaia_Hunter
Originally posted by GTwander

1) The bar is the BEST place to gauge someone, because they can't hide their true nature when drunk. If you can deal with it, or overlook those things simply because you're lonely - you deserve future hurt.

2) People don't change over time, that is, besides getting sick of each other. People in abusive relationships KNEW that the other had a temper or some other messed up stigmas. People just put up with it for so long - again - because of sheer desperation.

The kinds of people that hook up online are no different than people that throw themselves to the wolves, because they are doing it based on convenience, and don't want to put the kind of effort that's required to find a significant other. God forbid you remain single long enough to find a seriously good match... or even TRY to. It's about letting it fall in your lap and just holding onto it for dear life at this point.

Years ago having a penfriend wasn't a problem, but meeting people online oh my god, geek and desperation.

Sincerelly, if you think that spending some time with someone in a bar is enough but spending hundreds of hours chatting, by text, by voice or by conference, and seeing how they react in game to other people, isn't enough to start to know a person...

On the other hand I've been in guilds that organized offline meals and get togethers.

I think you have some strange preconcepts and are confusing something that happens with people actively seeking a relation.

But what do i know, i'vent been together with my current GF for six years after meeting her in a game,

I guess i should just go tell her we need to split because we don't know each other and we were just lazy, haven't searched enough for a significant other.

Ah, so biased much... and I'm sure my point about having it fall in your lap and holding onto it for dear life offends you.

Writer / Musician / Game Designer

Now Playing: Skyrim, Wurm Online, Tropico 4
Waiting On: GW2, TSW, Archeage, The Rapture

  KaylettaJade

Advanced Member

Joined: 2/28/06
Posts: 143

7/08/12 7:32:20 PM#42
Originally posted by GTwander
Originally posted by Gaia_Hunter
Originally posted by GTwander

I game with dudes I met in other games for at least half a decade now, but I scoff at the idea of hooking up with some female from a game... but I see plenty of it in RL. My buddy's older brother moved in with some chick he met in WoW, and believe me, I wanted to smack some sense into him over it.

It pretty much creeps me out, like online dating in general. What happened to meeting people in-person? You seriously can't trust someone you've met online; they lie about what they look like, they put on a front about how they act, what they live like. It's like an alternate persona that will completely disappear once you meet them in person and see what they really are. I can't see any of these relationships lasting that long if it wasn't for sheer desperation.

appearence - webcams.

The rest - is that any different than someone you met in a bar or somewhere else?

How many cases of domestic violence are there? You thought since they met in person this wouldn't happen.

How many people split up/divorce after being together for years? You would think they knew each other.

1) The bar is the BEST place to gauge someone, because they can't hide their true nature when drunk. If you can deal with it, or overlook those things simply because you're lonely - you deserve future hurt.

2) People don't change over time, that is, besides getting sick of each other. People in abusive relationships KNEW that the other had a temper or some other messed up stigmas. People just put up with it for so long - again - because of sheer desperation.

The kinds of people that hook up online are no different than people that throw themselves to the wolves, because they are doing it based on convenience, and don't want to put the kind of effort that's required to find a significant other. God forbid you remain single long enough to find a seriously good match... or even TRY to. It's about letting it fall in your lap and just holding onto it for dear life at this point.

 1) Not everyone wants the type of person who feels the need to go get drunk at a bar in their search for a partner.  That person doesn't appeal to some people, myself included.

2) People can and do change over time.  You don't notice it happening, the same way you don't notice yourself growing millimeter by millimeter, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen.  People tend to change gradually, unless something traumatic happens, but what started out as an irritation can turn into something you cannot and will not stand under any circumstances.  That isn't someone getting sick of another person, that's a persons response to a certain stimuli changing over time. Ergo, people change.

If a person spends all their time trolling for a relationship in a game, then I'd agree, they have some issues.  However, ignoring the possibility of a relationship just because you meet the person online is asinine.  You should proceed with caution and realize that it's probably not going to work.  Not because its online, but simply because the vast majority of all relationships do not endure.

But generalizing all relationships that begin online is neither accurate nor helpful to the conversation.  I could generalize on all online relationships based on mine, but that wouldn't be accurate either.  Good and bad comes from relationships that begin online.  The quality of a relationship is determined by the quality of the individuals and their willingness to work together to ensure the match endures.  Obviously, that's oversimplifying it a bit, but where you meet someone doesn't matter beyond the context of the situation reflecting on the type of person that you're meeting.

  Bossalinie

Advanced Member

Joined: 8/29/07
Posts: 629

7/08/12 7:34:47 PM#43
Originally posted by Cephus404
Originally posted by bossalinie

None of them really ever worked out for me. I mean, the bond is strong while we are in game, but out of game, not so much. You have to be careful and allow time to reveal things to you. I know people who rush into it and realize that the only thing they have in common is the current game they are playing...and that is never enough to carry a relationship.

That's what happens when you're focused too strongly on playing a game.  Friendships do not happen when playing a game, it's when you get beyond the game, when you stop playing and start talking and start relating to each other as human beings, not as characters.

If you want a real friend, stop playing the stupid game, go somewhere else and talk about things that have nothing whatosever to do with gaming.  Otherwise, don't bother.

Don't misunderstand me. I am beyond happily married with a family...which did not come through playing video games at all.

I play stupid games for the purpose of playing stupid games and enjoying them, not long term relationship hunting. How strongly one plays a game is completely dependant on the agenda of the game player. Sure, the opportunity popped up to try it, but like I said before, it didn't work out because it wasn't my focus. I'm too physically and face-to-face intimacy needy to 'talk about things' via skype or vent, became more often than not, the relation is not a skip or a hop down the street.

You are right about one thing, if seeking a relationship while playing a game isn't a biggie on your list, don't bother trying.

 

Sidenote...I noticed that you've used the term friendship. In this case, I have been in a gaming clan for so long that I've seen fellow mate's kids join the ranks. We been together for so long because we all have a common trait...we love games and we love playing together.

  Gaia_Hunter

Hard Core Member

Joined: 5/04/12
Posts: 2621

7/08/12 7:36:42 PM#44
Originally posted by GTwander
Originally posted by Gaia_Hunter
Originally posted by GTwander

1) The bar is the BEST place to gauge someone, because they can't hide their true nature when drunk. If you can deal with it, or overlook those things simply because you're lonely - you deserve future hurt.

2) People don't change over time, that is, besides getting sick of each other. People in abusive relationships KNEW that the other had a temper or some other messed up stigmas. People just put up with it for so long - again - because of sheer desperation.

The kinds of people that hook up online are no different than people that throw themselves to the wolves, because they are doing it based on convenience, and don't want to put the kind of effort that's required to find a significant other. God forbid you remain single long enough to find a seriously good match... or even TRY to. It's about letting it fall in your lap and just holding onto it for dear life at this point.

Years ago having a penfriend wasn't a problem, but meeting people online oh my god, geek and desperation.

Sincerelly, if you think that spending some time with someone in a bar is enough but spending hundreds of hours chatting, by text, by voice or by conference, and seeing how they react in game to other people, isn't enough to start to know a person...

On the other hand I've been in guilds that organized offline meals and get togethers.

I think you have some strange preconcepts and are confusing something that happens with people actively seeking a relation.

But what do i know, i'vent been together with my current GF for six years after meeting her in a game,

I guess i should just go tell her we need to split because we don't know each other and we were just lazy, haven't searched enough for a significant other.

Ah, so biased much... and I'm sure my point about having it fall in your lap and holding onto it for dear life offends you.

Nah, I'm very happy.

But I guess it id cheating, just like love at first sight.

I'll let you do your seven tasks.

Currently playing: GW2
Cooperative (semi cooperative)board games you should check: Pandemic, Sentinels of the Multiverse, Eldritch Horror, Descent 2.0,Level 7 Omega Protocol, Last Night on Earth

  eyelolled

Apprentice Member

Joined: 5/13/10
Posts: 3096

I am more than some of my parts

7/08/12 7:40:29 PM#45

I know this guy Tom and he met his lifepartner Chuck in a online chatroom where it all started out as a lesbian virtual relationship under the pen names Nikki and Sugarlumps. They seem happy enough.

 

Kidding aside, there are lots of people that manage to find a relationship online via MMO's etc, but I would never consider it healthy to leave that as one's primary dating method.  It's just too easy to hide one's self behind an avatar, and that unfortunately, is what many people do.

All of my posts are either intelligent, thought provoking, funny, satirical, sarcastic or intentionally disrespectful. Take your pick.

I enjoy the serenity of not caring what your opinion is.

  Bossalinie

Advanced Member

Joined: 8/29/07
Posts: 629

7/08/12 8:29:33 PM#46

Why do gamers assume a bar is THE IRL place to pick up relationships? That's the LAST place I'd grab a girl to present to the fam...

  Cephus404

Novice Member

Joined: 2/27/08
Posts: 3697

7/08/12 8:39:25 PM#47
Originally posted by bossalinie

Don't misunderstand me. I am beyond happily married with a family...which did not come through playing video games at all.

I play stupid games for the purpose of playing stupid games and enjoying them, not long term relationship hunting. How strongly one plays a game is completely dependant on the agenda of the game player. Sure, the opportunity popped up to try it, but like I said before, it didn't work out because it wasn't my focus. I'm too physically and face-to-face intimacy needy to 'talk about things' via skype or vent, became more often than not, the relation is not a skip or a hop down the street.

You are right about one thing, if seeking a relationship while playing a game isn't a biggie on your list, don't bother trying.

Relationships can be simple friendships as well, but this thread is about making friends online and I'm saying that if all you want to do is play a game, you shouldn't be surprised that you aren't making any good RL friends doing it.

It's not going to happen if the individual isn't willing to take the steps necessary.

Played: UO, EQ, WoW, DDO, SWG, AO, CoH, EvE, TR, AoC, GW, GA, Aion, Allods, lots more
Relatively Recently (Re)Played: HL2 (all), Halo (PC, all), Batman:AA; AC, ME, BS, DA, FO3, DS, Doom (all), LFD1&2, KOTOR, Portal 1&2, Blink, Elder Scrolls (all), lots more
Now Playing: None
Hope: None

  Cephus404

Novice Member

Joined: 2/27/08
Posts: 3697

7/08/12 8:40:07 PM#48
Originally posted by bossalinie

Why do gamers assume a bar is THE IRL place to pick up relationships? That's the LAST place I'd grab a girl to present to the fam...

Why anyone in their right mind would step foot in a bar at all, for any purpose, is beyond me.

Played: UO, EQ, WoW, DDO, SWG, AO, CoH, EvE, TR, AoC, GW, GA, Aion, Allods, lots more
Relatively Recently (Re)Played: HL2 (all), Halo (PC, all), Batman:AA; AC, ME, BS, DA, FO3, DS, Doom (all), LFD1&2, KOTOR, Portal 1&2, Blink, Elder Scrolls (all), lots more
Now Playing: None
Hope: None

  GTwander

Novice Member

Joined: 3/14/09
Posts: 6125

LARPer Hunter

7/08/12 8:46:19 PM#49
Originally posted by Cephus404
Originally posted by bossalinie

Why do gamers assume a bar is THE IRL place to pick up relationships? That's the LAST place I'd grab a girl to present to the fam...

Why anyone in their right mind would step foot in a bar at all, for any purpose, is beyond me.

How the hell else am I supposed to get drunk for over 60$ in the presence of overly tanned women sporting duck lips?

Bars are ftw!

Writer / Musician / Game Designer

Now Playing: Skyrim, Wurm Online, Tropico 4
Waiting On: GW2, TSW, Archeage, The Rapture

  Adalwulff

Apprentice Member

Joined: 1/18/10
Posts: 1191

"I am not the light, or the darkness, but the twilight in between"

7/08/12 8:47:14 PM#50
Originally posted by Cephus404
Originally posted by bossalinie

Why do gamers assume a bar is THE IRL place to pick up relationships? That's the LAST place I'd grab a girl to present to the fam...

Why anyone in their right mind would step foot in a bar at all, for any purpose, is beyond me.

 

Back in the day, bars were fun, it was the place to be.

That was before internet, smartphones, online gaming...ect..ect

  Grahor

Apprentice Member

Joined: 5/08/11
Posts: 854

7/09/12 12:17:10 AM#51
Originally posted by GTwander

It pretty much creeps me out, like online dating in general. What happened to meeting people in-person? You seriously can't trust someone you've met online; they lie about what they look like, they put on a front about how they act, what they live like. It's like an alternate persona that will completely disappear once you meet them in person and see what they really are. I can't see any of these relationships lasting that long if it wasn't for sheer desperation.

You gotta be kidding me. What do you think happens after you befriend someone online? You meet in real life and participate toghether in activities that interest both of you, in process learning about each other. For example, with one of my online-met friends we got together and hitchhiked for a week, because we wanted to learn, how it is, hitchhiking, and to see the country in the process. Another girl I've met online and then we went together (not just 2 of us, a pretty big company alltogether) sailing down the river for 200 kilometers, camping in forests, etc. With another online-met girl we went on museum spree... 

 

You MEET online. You get closer. You connect. You get to know each other - and no, you can't get up a believable front once you start talking things over. You are either clever or not. You either know how to discuss things and argue or not. You either has your opinions on stuff and can defend/explain it or not. And with webcams how you look is not a secret anymore.

 

After you've met online and got interested, you meet offline. Doing something you both like. That's where you learn how the person behaves him/herself, good and bad habits, and show yours. That's where you see how the person solves the problems (or shrinks from them), etc. That's where relationship is actually develops.

 

Yes, sometimes it doesn't work out. I was, for example, cut by one girl I've met online - she was a bit psychotic and got a bit overagitated, ha, ha. All the signs were there beforhand; I was even directly warned about her psychotic behavior by her acquitances who knew her in real world; I knew I was risking it, but I was curious.

 

In other cases, though, and I can count, like, 8, from the top of my head, it was pretty great. Lots of fun and very interesting. Hell, even that psychotic girl was interesting, although stopping the blood wasn't all that much of a fun... :)

 

What do you think happens: you met someone online, than a bit of hand-waving, and without ever meeting offline you are in relationships? Get some brains, will you? :)

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