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The Pub at MMORPG.COM  » Relationships in mmo games.

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51 posts found
  calranthe

Novice Member

Joined: 1/29/05
Posts: 361

 
OP  7/08/12 2:55:54 AM#21
Originally posted by lotaparty

the day you start thinking about mmorpg as a job and a place to find relationships . you are gonna ruin your fun and entertainment . it might be just me . but i play games for fun .not for thinking them as a job .

I do not agree with that, yes an mmo is a game but just because I am begind a screen does not make the interaction any less real or fun, if you close of that side of yourself and limit mmo games to just being "game" then you miss out on some amazing social interaction and friendships that can happen.

As a roleplayer my character is important and I play the part but in every game I have been part of I have met some really special people, some became friendships that have lasted over ten years others became lovers to me that can only enhance a game.

But then again in tells/whispers and ooc in a game I am me, the same person you would meet in a bar or on the street, I am not so insecure that I need to keep it secret what you see is basically what you get, I will treat you and talk to you with the same honesty and respect I would if you sat across from me in this room.

 

 

  Adalwulff

Apprentice Member

Joined: 1/18/10
Posts: 1191

"I am not the light, or the darkness, but the twilight in between"

7/08/12 3:39:09 AM#22

I've never got a girlfriend from an online game, but I dont see a problem with it at all.

I am amazed at some of the comments here, like only "nerdy" people meet girls online, what the hell is that about. The internet is a part of our lives now, and I dont see any difference meeting a girl in a MMO or in a bar.

Actaully, I would say the girl in the MMO is probably safer...lol

  User Deleted
7/08/12 4:05:02 AM#23

I was an officer in a mostly adult guild in WoW and "romantic" relationships between our members were a headache for me and often became disruptive to the guild in general. I had valuable members /gquit, refuse to raid with another member, and even transfer servers over relationship issues. I had jealous members turn openly hostile in raid or guild chat. I personally 'listened' to far more than I ever wanted from members who were in a relationship or even married IRL and conflicted over their feeling for another player.

 

So while it might be fun on a player-to-playe level, it's important to keep in mind that you're still in a "massively multiplayer" online environment where your actions can affect more than just yourself and your "partner" and that there are people who are not your friends that nevertheless depend on you as a player to uphold your end of the deal to make the guild/raid/party a pleasant experience.

  calranthe

Novice Member

Joined: 1/29/05
Posts: 361

 
OP  7/08/12 4:29:22 AM#24
Originally posted by Rockhide

I was an officer in a mostly adult guild in WoW and "romantic" relationships between our members were a headache for me and often became disruptive to the guild in general. I had valuable members /gquit, refuse to raid with another member, and even transfer servers over relationship issues. I had jealous members turn openly hostile in raid or guild chat. I personally 'listened' to far more than I ever wanted from members who were in a relationship or even married IRL and conflicted over their feeling for another player.

 

So while it might be fun on a player-to-playe level, it's important to keep in mind that you're still in a "massively multiplayer" online environment where your actions can affect more than just yourself and your "partner" and that there are people who are not your friends that nevertheless depend on you as a player to uphold your end of the deal to make the guild/raid/party a pleasant experience.

I would definetly put a relationship before a guild raid or "guild happy time pleasant feelings" a lot of guilds do not last even one game let alone the span of time a real relationship.

I have run my fair share of online corps and guilds part of being in charge is being able to mediate these issues a quality leadership group will be able to do so.

On the other hand I have been part of guilds where those very relationships and loves created bonds and grouping that far surpassed the normal "its just a game" group. I remember one time a girlfriend multi-tasked and coordinated 30 people for me on a project while I had to go to london and because of our relationship there was no one I trusted more to the task.

 

  User Deleted
7/08/12 6:02:36 AM#25
Originally posted by calranthe
Originally posted by Rockhide

I was an officer in a mostly adult guild in WoW and "romantic" relationships between our members were a headache for me and often became disruptive to the guild in general. I had valuable members /gquit, refuse to raid with another member, and even transfer servers over relationship issues. I had jealous members turn openly hostile in raid or guild chat. I personally 'listened' to far more than I ever wanted from members who were in a relationship or even married IRL and conflicted over their feeling for another player.

 

So while it might be fun on a player-to-playe level, it's important to keep in mind that you're still in a "massively multiplayer" online environment where your actions can affect more than just yourself and your "partner" and that there are people who are not your friends that nevertheless depend on you as a player to uphold your end of the deal to make the guild/raid/party a pleasant experience.

I would definetly put a relationship before a guild raid or "guild happy time pleasant feelings" a lot of guilds do not last even one game let alone the span of time a real relationship.

The same could be said for many real relationships failing to last as long as it takes a guild to clear a single raid.

A quality relationship is for most people certainly worth far more than one's experience with an MMO guild, but the attitude that your guildmates, who have at some level made a commitment to you, can be safely walked all over during your anger or quest for revenge or to prove a point or the myriad of other relationship conflicts that arise on a regular basis is IMO disappointing ... at best.

I have run my fair share of online corps and guilds part of being in charge is being able to mediate these issues a quality leadership group will be able to do so.

Your underhanded insult is noted.  Perhaps the medical community should be referring people with relationship problems to MMO guilds with quality leadership.   The ability to find solutions to relationship issues -- somebody lying about their relationship status or pressuring somebody into a divorce --  that avoid a negative impact on outside parties, children for example, is exactly what many people are looking for.

On the other hand I have been part of guilds where those very relationships and loves created bonds and grouping that far surpassed the normal "its just a game" group. I remember one time a girlfriend multi-tasked and coordinated 30 people for me on a project while I had to go to london and because of our relationship there was no one I trusted more to the task.

Your experience proves that online relationships carried on in an MMO are extremely posititve.  My experience was obviously wrong.  I apologize.

 

  Jemcrystal

Elite Member

Joined: 1/02/08
Posts: 1317

Let em put a slave ring thru u're nose u're prob not going to like where they're taking you. Think.

7/08/12 9:05:42 AM#26

I keep hearing about people that "met in game."  I guess it could happen.  When I first started playing mmorpg's I was very naive and wanted a boyfriend.  I almost got in a relationship with a women who played as a man.  I had a boyfriend who was to young for me and whose mother threatened to call the police and grounded him.  Honestly, I didn't know he was 17.  When he found out I was a dude playing a girl he told me to bug off.  I had a hard time defining the difference between "role-playing" and when it got "real."  I met another dude playing a female char but when some homo-hater in our party found out he was gay they wouldn't shut up kept calling him names.  Kinda ruined the moment.  We meet again later in game but were to busy actually playing the game to think about a relationship.  That is about the time I thought maybe I should stop using mmorpg's as dating services and actually play, lol.  Then I met this other dude with personal dysfunction (I wont mention what to keep this rated PG) and that was it for me.  I said screw online dating I'm just a vanilla gamer from here on out.  I have been happy ever since I made that decision years ago.

http://podbay.fm/show/536258179

  calranthe

Novice Member

Joined: 1/29/05
Posts: 361

 
OP  7/08/12 12:30:45 PM#27
Originally posted by Rockhide
Originally posted by calranthe
I would definetly put a relationship before a guild raid or "guild happy time pleasant feelings" a lot of guilds do not last even one game let alone the span of time a real relationship.

The same could be said for many real relationships failing to last as long as it takes a guild to clear a single raid.

A quality relationship is for most people certainly worth far more than one's experience with an MMO guild, but the attitude that your guildmates, who have at some level made a commitment to you, can be safely walked all over during your anger or quest for revenge or to prove a point or the myriad of other relationship conflicts that arise on a regular basis is IMO disappointing ... at best.

I have run my fair share of online corps and guilds part of being in charge is being able to mediate these issues a quality leadership group will be able to do so.

Your underhanded insult is noted.  Perhaps the medical community should be referring people with relationship problems to MMO guilds with quality leadership.   The ability to find solutions to relationship issues -- somebody lying about their relationship status or pressuring somebody into a divorce --  that avoid a negative impact on outside parties, children for example, is exactly what many people are looking for.

On the other hand I have been part of guilds where those very relationships and loves created bonds and grouping that far surpassed the normal "its just a game" group. I remember one time a girlfriend multi-tasked and coordinated 30 people for me on a project while I had to go to london and because of our relationship there was no one I trusted more to the task.

Your experience proves that online relationships carried on in an MMO are extremely posititve.  My experience was obviously wrong.  I apologize.

 

 

I do not know of any real life relationship no matter how bad that has lasted less time than a raid setup and complete has taken.

A competent guild leader and officer group realise that stuff like this can happen and deal with it to minimize the hassle and issues to the guild be that private chat, rules rewrite or advice to focus on sorting out real life before logging on, Hell I have had to mediate and drag people kicking and screaming into skype or teamspeak to talk issues out. While not perfect being able to deal with shit is far better than hoping shit does not happen because sadly it does.

Your experiences and mine are just different. neither is right or wrong.

  Grahor

Apprentice Member

Joined: 5/08/11
Posts: 854

7/08/12 12:38:59 PM#28
Originally posted by Jemcrystal

I keep hearing about people that "met in game."  I guess it could happen.  When I first started playing mmorpg's I was very naive and wanted a boyfriend.  I almost got in a relationship with a women who played as a man.  I had a boyfriend who was to young for me and whose mother threatened to call the police and grounded him.  Honestly, I didn't know he was 17.  When he found out I was a dude playing a girl he told me to bug off.  I had a hard time defining the difference between "role-playing" and when it got "real."  I met another dude playing a female char but when some homo-hater in our party found out he was gay they wouldn't shut up kept calling him names.  Kinda ruined the moment.  We meet again later in game but were to busy actually playing the game to think about a relationship.  That is about the time I thought maybe I should stop using mmorpg's as dating services and actually play, lol.  Then I met this other dude with personal dysfunction (I wont mention what to keep this rated PG) and that was it for me.  I said screw online dating I'm just a vanilla gamer from here on out.  I have been happy ever since I made that decision years ago.

You don't _look for boyfriend_ online. You communicate with people, find some of those who are of interest to you, get closer to each other, if you have things in common, and from that you may go (or may not) further.

 

To look for relationships, as opposed to them just naturally happen, you need to go to discussion forums/chats by interests/subcultures, where the primary goal of people is to communicate, not actually play. Gaming subculture is not particularly minority-friendly.

  StonesDK

Apprentice Member

Joined: 8/06/11
Posts: 1832

7/08/12 4:31:09 PM#29

A lot of lonely people play MMOs, where's the news in this. Specially those that spend more than 10 hours a day in them

  Gaia_Hunter

Elite Member

Joined: 5/04/12
Posts: 2588

7/08/12 4:58:54 PM#30

So, first people complain everyone is a solo player in MMORPGs.

Then they complain people actually have relationships in MMORPGs?

People that play MMORPGs like to socialize with other people, they just dislike dictator like guild leaders that think they are someone important because they have a guild in game or group leaders that think similar.

Death to the content that creates situations where a few have the chance to abuse power - if your life sucks, it is your problem.

Especially in a time with voice chat and webcams.

Currently playing: GW2
Cooperative (semi cooperative)board games you should check: Pandemic, Sentinels of the Multiverse, Eldritch Horror, Descent 2.0,Level 7 Omega Protocol, Last Night on Earth

  Bossalinie

Apprentice Member

Joined: 8/29/07
Posts: 621

7/08/12 5:03:54 PM#31

None of them really ever worked out for me. I mean, the bond is strong while we are in game, but out of game, not so much. You have to be careful and allow time to reveal things to you. I know people who rush into it and realize that the only thing they have in common is the current game they are playing...and that is never enough to carry a relationship.

  Cephus404

Elite Member

Joined: 2/27/08
Posts: 3676

7/08/12 6:28:09 PM#32
Originally posted by bossalinie

None of them really ever worked out for me. I mean, the bond is strong while we are in game, but out of game, not so much. You have to be careful and allow time to reveal things to you. I know people who rush into it and realize that the only thing they have in common is the current game they are playing...and that is never enough to carry a relationship.

That's what happens when you're focused too strongly on playing a game.  Friendships do not happen when playing a game, it's when you get beyond the game, when you stop playing and start talking and start relating to each other as human beings, not as characters.

If you want a real friend, stop playing the stupid game, go somewhere else and talk about things that have nothing whatosever to do with gaming.  Otherwise, don't bother.

Played: UO, EQ, WoW, DDO, SWG, AO, CoH, EvE, TR, AoC, GW, GA, Aion, Allods, lots more
Relatively Recently (Re)Played: HL2 (all), Halo (PC, all), Batman:AA; AC, ME, BS, DA, FO3, DS, Doom (all), LFD1&2, KOTOR, Portal 1&2, Blink, Elder Scrolls (all), lots more
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  GTwander

Novice Member

Joined: 3/14/09
Posts: 6125

LARPer Hunter

7/08/12 6:33:18 PM#33

I game with dudes I met in other games for at least half a decade now, but I scoff at the idea of hooking up with some female from a game... but I see plenty of it in RL. My buddy's older brother moved in with some chick he met in WoW, and believe me, I wanted to smack some sense into him over it.

It pretty much creeps me out, like online dating in general. What happened to meeting people in-person? You seriously can't trust someone you've met online; they lie about what they look like, they put on a front about how they act, what they live like. It's like an alternate persona that will completely disappear once you meet them in person and see what they really are. I can't see any of these relationships lasting that long if it wasn't for sheer desperation.

Writer / Musician / Game Designer

Now Playing: Skyrim, Wurm Online, Tropico 4
Waiting On: GW2, TSW, Archeage, The Rapture

  p_c_sousa

Novice Member

Joined: 3/31/08
Posts: 627

7/08/12 6:40:27 PM#34
Originally posted by Cephus404

I've made lots of very close, personal friends online and most of them, I've met offline as well.  I met one lady online, got to be extremely good friends, flew to her rescue when her husband got physically abusive, drove her and her son 2000 miles back to my house where they stayed with me and my wife for several months, then when she got a divorce, flew back up to her old place, helped her sell her house, drove her back down 2000 miles dragging a trailer of all her stuff, got her a good job, etc.

That was years ago, but now she's happily married again and we still play online from time to time.  We're always in contact and although we don't live all that close anymore, we still see each other.

This is not at all uncommon.  I've met dozens and dozens of people that I'm friends with online and the reason we're all friends offline is because our friendship went far beyond playing some stupid game.  We're friends because we have lots in common, not because we've killed monsters together.

you sir got my respect. amazing

  KaylettaJade

Advanced Member

Joined: 2/28/06
Posts: 139

7/08/12 6:44:03 PM#35
Originally posted by GTwander

I game with dudes I met in other games for at least half a decade now, but I scoff at the idea of hooking up with some female from a game... but I see plenty of it in RL. My buddy's older brother moved in with some chick he met in WoW, and believe me, I wanted to smack some sense into him over it.

It pretty much creeps me out, like online dating in general. What happened to meeting people in-person? You seriously can't trust someone you've met online; they lie about what they look like, they put on a front about how they act, what they live like. It's like an alternate persona that will completely disappear once you meet them in person and see what they really are. I can't see any of these relationships lasting that long if it wasn't for sheer desperation.

 You're assuming that everyone feels the need to lie and pretend online, and that just isn't true.

As far as desperation goes, if you're willing to overlook blantant lies to have a significant other, you have bigger problems to worry about than where you might have met them. 

  Gaia_Hunter

Elite Member

Joined: 5/04/12
Posts: 2588

7/08/12 6:44:07 PM#36
Originally posted by GTwander

I game with dudes I met in other games for at least half a decade now, but I scoff at the idea of hooking up with some female from a game... but I see plenty of it in RL. My buddy's older brother moved in with some chick he met in WoW, and believe me, I wanted to smack some sense into him over it.

It pretty much creeps me out, like online dating in general. What happened to meeting people in-person? You seriously can't trust someone you've met online; they lie about what they look like, they put on a front about how they act, what they live like. It's like an alternate persona that will completely disappear once you meet them in person and see what they really are. I can't see any of these relationships lasting that long if it wasn't for sheer desperation.

appearence - webcams.

The rest - is that any different than someone you met in a bar or somewhere else?

How many cases of domestic violence are there? You thought since they met in person this wouldn't happen.

How many people split up/divorce after being together for years? You would think they knew each other.

 

Currently playing: GW2
Cooperative (semi cooperative)board games you should check: Pandemic, Sentinels of the Multiverse, Eldritch Horror, Descent 2.0,Level 7 Omega Protocol, Last Night on Earth

  SkullyWoods

Novice Member

Joined: 6/14/12
Posts: 184

If victory is sweet, virtual victory is not Sweet'n Low

7/08/12 6:46:59 PM#37
Originally posted by Cephus404

I've made lots of very close, personal friends online and most of them, I've met offline as well.  I met one lady online, got to be extremely good friends, flew to her rescue when her husband got physically abusive, drove her and her son 2000 miles back to my house where they stayed with me and my wife for several months, then when she got a divorce, flew back up to her old place, helped her sell her house, drove her back down 2000 miles dragging a trailer of all her stuff, got her a good job, etc.

That was years ago, but now she's happily married again and we still play online from time to time.  We're always in contact and although we don't live all that close anymore, we still see each other.

This is not at all uncommon.  I've met dozens and dozens of people that I'm friends with online and the reason we're all friends offline is because our friendship went far beyond playing some stupid game.  We're friends because we have lots in common, not because we've killed monsters together.

+5 faith in humanity

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Why did Marceline's dad eat her fries? I mean...cause she bought them and they were hers...

  GTwander

Novice Member

Joined: 3/14/09
Posts: 6125

LARPer Hunter

7/08/12 6:49:36 PM#38
Originally posted by Gaia_Hunter
Originally posted by GTwander

I game with dudes I met in other games for at least half a decade now, but I scoff at the idea of hooking up with some female from a game... but I see plenty of it in RL. My buddy's older brother moved in with some chick he met in WoW, and believe me, I wanted to smack some sense into him over it.

It pretty much creeps me out, like online dating in general. What happened to meeting people in-person? You seriously can't trust someone you've met online; they lie about what they look like, they put on a front about how they act, what they live like. It's like an alternate persona that will completely disappear once you meet them in person and see what they really are. I can't see any of these relationships lasting that long if it wasn't for sheer desperation.

appearence - webcams.

The rest - is that any different than someone you met in a bar or somewhere else?

How many cases of domestic violence are there? You thought since they met in person this wouldn't happen.

How many people split up/divorce after being together for years? You would think they knew each other.

1) The bar is the BEST place to gauge someone, because they can't hide their true nature when drunk. If you can deal with it, or overlook those things simply because you're lonely - you deserve future hurt.

2) People don't change over time, that is, besides getting sick of each other. People in abusive relationships KNEW that the other had a temper or some other messed up stigmas. People just put up with it for so long - again - because of sheer desperation.

The kinds of people that hook up online are no different than people that throw themselves to the wolves, because they are doing it based on convenience, and don't want to put the kind of effort that's required to find a significant other. God forbid you remain single long enough to find a seriously good match... or even TRY to. It's about letting it fall in your lap and just holding onto it for dear life at this point.

Writer / Musician / Game Designer

Now Playing: Skyrim, Wurm Online, Tropico 4
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  MsGamerlady

Novice Member

Joined: 8/16/05
Posts: 168

"We can make ourselves miserable or we can make ourselves happy.The amount of work is the same."

7/08/12 6:55:05 PM#39
Originally posted by Rockhide

I was an officer in a mostly adult guild in WoW and "romantic" relationships between our members were a headache for me and often became disruptive to the guild in general. I had valuable members /gquit, refuse to raid with another member, and even transfer servers over relationship issues. I had jealous members turn openly hostile in raid or guild chat. I personally 'listened' to far more than I ever wanted from members who were in a relationship or even married IRL and conflicted over their feeling for another player.

 

So while it might be fun on a player-to-playe level, it's important to keep in mind that you're still in a "massively multiplayer" online environment where your actions can affect more than just yourself and your "partner" and that there are people who are not your friends that nevertheless depend on you as a player to uphold your end of the deal to make the guild/raid/party a pleasant experience.

This also happened in a guild myself and my daughter were in. Seems one lady guild member felt it was her duty to heavily flirt with the men folk and get herself and others emotionally entangled. The guild took a big hit from it sadly and never recovered. 

Don't get me wrong I do think a relationship built out of online friendships can happen and can last. My ex and I met online were together for 10 years ( even raided some in EQ2).  It's not something I personally seek out, as others say I play games to unwind and have fun but because I don't want to have these types of relationships doesn't mean it's not viable for someone else. 

Anyhoo, ymmv <3

 

  Gaia_Hunter

Elite Member

Joined: 5/04/12
Posts: 2588

7/08/12 7:28:57 PM#40
Originally posted by GTwander

1) The bar is the BEST place to gauge someone, because they can't hide their true nature when drunk. If you can deal with it, or overlook those things simply because you're lonely - you deserve future hurt.

2) People don't change over time, that is, besides getting sick of each other. People in abusive relationships KNEW that the other had a temper or some other messed up stigmas. People just put up with it for so long - again - because of sheer desperation.

The kinds of people that hook up online are no different than people that throw themselves to the wolves, because they are doing it based on convenience, and don't want to put the kind of effort that's required to find a significant other. God forbid you remain single long enough to find a seriously good match... or even TRY to. It's about letting it fall in your lap and just holding onto it for dear life at this point.

Years ago having a penfriend wasn't a problem, but meeting people online oh my god, geek and desperation.

Sincerelly, if you think that spending some time with someone in a bar is enough but spending hundreds of hours chatting, by text, by voice or by conference, and seeing how they react in game to other people, isn't enough to start to know a person...

On the other hand I've been in guilds that organized offline meals and get togethers.

I think you have some strange preconcepts and are confusing something that happens with people actively seeking a relation.

But what do i know, i'vent been together with my current GF for six years after meeting her in a game,

I guess i should just go tell her we need to split because we don't know each other and we were just lazy, haven't searched enough for a significant other.

 

Currently playing: GW2
Cooperative (semi cooperative)board games you should check: Pandemic, Sentinels of the Multiverse, Eldritch Horror, Descent 2.0,Level 7 Omega Protocol, Last Night on Earth

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