For the past 2 days I have been racking my brain on which MMO I want to devote my time to.

I'm married, 27 years old with a 1 year old and I sing for a band. I do martial arts 3 times a week as well.

I've played every mmo on the market. My 2nd mmo ever was FFXI. I played it religiously for 5 years. I quit, went to WoW, and have been playing that exclusively until now.

I dialed up a FFXI trial Friday and started leveling a white mage. I'm enjoying it.. but at the same time already getting the feeling of "this is going to take ages", hitting me again. I feel that maybe FFXI is not the right choice for someone with my schedule.. but at the same time I want to do all the cool things I used to do in the game that WoW doesn't offer.

I can't play for more than 3 hrs most sessions, and I'm worried about groups, getting gil, and trying to craft. Just doesn't seem there is time for all of that on top of the other things I do. advice?

FFXI is not a casual friendly game so the best advice I could give is for you to try it for a week or two and see how it goes. If you can accept what you can/can't accomplish then stick with it. There are casual guilds in every game so it might be easier if you find and join one so you don't feel alone and in the minority.

FFXI is possibly the last of the MMOs that is meant for the more hardcore players. Fortunately for you that means there's a lot of other options besides WoW depending what you are looking for and how you want to progress.

In Warhammer Online you can level exclusively on pvp alone so that could be an option.  Basically queue up for a scenario and you will automatically join one.

EVE Online has no level system whatsoever and relies on skill points to increase the strengths and capabilities of your ship.   Skills can be trained while offline as well.  However to truly experience this game, you need to find a active corporation and be able to dedicate time to it.  PvP is also unforgiving and death equals a loss of a ship and all it's fittings.

I wouldn't recommend Warhammer to anyone, but it might be the best option for you.

Warhammer is not even close to what I am looking for. I'd rather spend the money on Guild Wars for an instanced PVP game.

I'm currently playing around in FFXI.

It will either be that, LOTRO, or I will drop both when Darkfall releases depending. Really enjoying FFXI right now though.