General Discussion

Originally posted by Zorvan

 

Not really. If you moved away only for the reason that your dad didn't like your boyfriend, there's definitely something else there you either forgot or didn't mention.

Actually the reason I left had nothing to do with my boyfriend at the time. My family is very wealthy. No one was ever " good " enough for them. My parents hated my friends , boyfriends and the activities that interested me. I left to get away from my family.. and did not reconcile for 11 years. I legally emancipated myself from them at 16, got my own apartment, finished school on my own, graduated college on my own without their assistance.  Yes my parents always told me the reasons they did what they did, but at that age all teenage  girls hear is "blah blah blah..." you know like the old charlie brown cartoons .. the kids never understood what the adults were talking about. I have always been a very strong willed girl, and having anyone tell me what to do has never gone over well.. in fact I  would do the opposite just to spite them.  Children need to know they are loved, and they need to be taught right from wrong, but in the end it is their life and they have to make their own decisions regardless of it you approve of them or not they will make their own choices and they may not always agree with you.  A parents job is to teach them, then support them whenthey fall. Becuase learning is a process of mistakes, most teenage girls do not need to be yelled at to make them make the right choices, they need support  when they don't.  What you do is teach your girl  how she deserves to be treated and educate her on the world. That way she will  be able to see for herself thatsome guy is a jerk or not... that Is not "daddy's job" to determine that.

P.S> When my boyfriend went to kiss me behind the bleachers at a football game when I was 13 ... MY FATHER picked him up off the ground and shook him screaming " WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING TO MY DAUGHTER?!!" .. he almost pissed himself .. my father follwed me everywhere .. or  paid people to follow me, I had no privacy. I could not even go to the amusement park with friends without being tailed. This is not parenting .. it is intrusive and controlling.

Lol, girl's parents are in love with their daughters? Jealous? Live and let live. Let the girls have fun. You have done enough making sure they have the brains and the knowledge to not do anything foolish, that's your work, it ends there, besides giving support if they need help. If you are too controlling you will ruin your daughter's life. But I understand it's hard to know where is the line sometimes.

Originally posted by deviliscious

P.S> When my boyfriend went to kiss me behind the bleachers at a football game when I was 13 ... MY FATHER picked him up off the ground and shook him screaming " WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING TO MY DAUGHTER?!!" .. he almost pissed himself .. my father follwed me everywhere .. or  paid people to follow me, I had no privacy. I could not even go to the amusement park with friends without being tailed. This is not parenting .. it is intrusive and controlling.

For example, the boyfriend sneaking you behind the backstop for a kiss (I'm assuming your dad was there with you, which is why he saw you ) is disrespectful to your father. However, your fathers actions were wrong.

Number one, I wouldn't pick a 13 year old boy up off the ground like that ( I'm assuming the boy was your age, and we're not talking about a 13 year old kissing a 20 year old, as in that case picking him up would have been the least of his worries. ).

Number 2, I do know how embarrassing even the simplest situation can be for a teenager, so tact would be in order.

My response would have been staring at the boy with no emotion on my face, talking in a low, even voice so that noone other than him and my daughter would hear me, and let him know how I felt about what he did. That it was disrespectful to me as her father to think doing something behind my back was okay. And maybe a mild threat of "Please don't disrespect me or my daughter like this again". And leave it at that. For the first time. Hell, I'll even take 'em both out for lunch or dinner so there's no hard feelings. And if he pissed his pants, I'd even let him walk behind me to hide it and take him to get another pair.

I mean realistically, if my daughter and her boyfriend are with me somewhere and want to hold hands or even a quick kiss I can live with that. Jamming his tongue down my daughters throat in my presence however would be disrespectful to me and to her. I am sure there is plenty of time at school breaks or whatever to swap all the spit they want without doing it in front of me. That's where you and your boyfriend were wrong in your scenario.

And like I said, I will trust my daughter. No, I will not follow her around or hire someone to follow her around. She will have a cell phone, however. And no, not for me to call her every ten minutes to see what she's doing. I think a call from her just to say "Hi, dad. I'm okay." once an hour or so is not too much for me to ask though.

And yes, if she doesn't call for at least two hours, and I call her and get no answer, I will go looking for her. Does not mean I don't trust her, there are just too many things that could happen to her or her and her  boyfriend both, that I would not be a parent if I didn't make sure they were both okay.

There is a fine line that every father has to walk between just being protective of his child and being controlling of his child. Your father chose the controlling path, which if you look through my previous posts, is not what I am looking to do.

I will guide my daughter, advise my daughter, warn my daughter, help my daughter, but I will not control my daughter. Her life is hers to live. I'm just there to keep her as safe and happy as possible during that journey.

I won't be able to protect her from every evil that comes at her, I know this. But I'll die trying if I have to. And I'll be the one she can depend on whenever something does get to her.

Wow, very nice post Zorvan.  Nice to know you will be there for your daughter, unfortunately, it is not always like that.  For instance-

I was at the movies with my friends and some girls.  WE were watching  "What Happens In Vegas"(I would have rather be lit on fire).  Anyway, after the movie, the girl could not find a ride home.  We told her to call her parents, but she said they wouldn't/couldn't  pick  her up.  Then, the really bad part, was that she was going to go home with "older" boys.  Now, this would not have been so bad, if she didn;t say that the last time she was in the car with these pricks that they tried to...err, you know; even though it was against her will. 

Unfortunately, none of us could give a ride, even after she offered to sit on one of our laps to make more space (everyone offered their lap to her, all in good fun).  And, with luck, she ran into a friend at the movies who would drive her home.  If anything happened, I would have felt such guilt, and just wished I could have given her a ride home.

Two things here. 

a) NEVER let her around older boys.  Later that night she was talking to a friend of mine, and she stated that there were some drunk kids having a party in her house, at like 11 PM.  Something around that happened.

b)  Always be ready when your daughter goes out.  With this screwed up world today, you never know what can happen.  I suggest always offering to drive her friends ( and her) to their houses after the movies, like a car pool.  This way, all of her friends like you for giving a ride , and she always gets home safely.

Originally posted by Zorvan

 

Well, see. That's why I knew you'd left out stuff in your first post. Your dad went way too far.

 

For example, the boyfriend sneaking you behind the backstop for a kiss (I'm assuming your dad was there with you, which is why he saw you ) is disrespectful to your father. However, your fathers actions were wrong.

No I was not with my father .. he showed up from nowhere .. he had been watching me with binaculars at the time... I was unaware of this until he came out of nowhere.

Number one, I wouldn't pick a 13 year old boy up off the ground like that ( I'm assuming the boy was your age, and we're not talking about a 13 year old kissing a 20 year old, as in that case picking him up would have been the least of his worries. ).

my boyfriend was 16 at the time.

Number 2, I do know how embarrassing even the simplest situation can be for a teenager, so tact would be in order.

My response would have been staring at the boy with no emotion on my face, talking in a low, even voice so that noone other than him and my daughter would hear me, and let him know how I felt about what he did. That it was disrespectful to me as her father to think doing something behind my back was okay. And maybe a mild threat of "Please don't disrespect me or my daughter like this again". And leave it at that. For the first time. Hell, I'll even take 'em both out for lunch or dinner so there's no hard feelings. And if he pissed his pants, I'd even let him walk behind me to hide it and take him to get another pair.

I mean realistically, if my daughter and her boyfriend are with me somewhere and want to hold hands or even a quick kiss I can live with that. Jamming his tongue down my daughters throat in my presence however would be disrespectful to me and to her. I am sure there is plenty of time at school breaks or whatever to swap all the spit they want without doing it in front of me. That's where you and your boyfriend were wrong in your scenario.

My father followed me everywhere..

And like I said, I will trust my daughter. No, I will not follow her around or hire someone to follow her around. She will have a cell phone, however. And no, not for me to call her every ten minutes to see what she's doing. I think a call from her just to say "Hi, dad. I'm okay." once an hour or so is not too much for me to ask though.

lol once an hour?

And yes, if she doesn't call for at least two hours, and I call her and get no answer, I will go looking for her. Does not mean I don't trust her, there are just too many things that could happen to her or her and her  boyfriend both, that I would not be a parent if I didn't make sure they were both okay.

omg the stress you will have when she goes to college and you watch a spring break party on the news and you see here there! lmao

There is a fine line that every father has to walk between just being protective of his child and being controlling of his child. Your father chose the controlling path, which if you look through my previous posts, is not what I am looking to do.

as long as you do not act on your emotions you may be able to keep from being the "control freak" but threatening her dates is controlling as well.. though entertaining to everyone else but the guy and your daughter. lol

I will guide my daughter, advise my daughter, warn my daughter, help my daughter, but I will not control my daughter. Her life is hers to live. I'm just there to keep her as safe and happy as possible during that journey.

I won't be able to protect her from every evil that comes at her, I know this. But I'll die trying if I have to. And I'll be the one she can depend on whenever something does get to her.

Lets just hope you never watch a "girls gone wild" video and see her there ... lol!