Originally posted by Jemcrystal

Lucidia:  "Hi, Guildmate Death_Luv, my name is Lucidia and I'd like to party with you in Wiley Canyon.  Oh, btw, my two-yr-old and I are about to get evicted because we can't pay rent."  

Death_Luv:  "Ah, errr, how bout them Dodgers?"

 

How do you deal with mmo peeps unloading personal baggage in game?

 

 

*[Made up names but the situation is vague copy from a encounter I had yesterday].

/ignore

to be fair i would be asking why they investing time money on a game, burning electricity ect, when they cannot afford rent. You should have told them to sell their computer to pay the rent. That two year old child is more important than a game tbh.

Originally posted by Jemcrystal
How do you deal with mmo peeps unloading personal baggage in game?

The same way I deal with them on forums.

Hear the crickets chirping?

Read half of the responses here and you'll see just what the fuck is wrong with Western society.

Me, myself and I.

Originally posted by Lawlmonster

I think everyone deserves help, regardless if you're face to face, on the phone, or using the internet: that's still a real person on the other end. Compassion doesn't make us weak, either. From my own experiences and tribulations, I can affirm that ventrilo and friends I've known for roughly fifteen years were the reason I sought medical and therapeutic aide, though I probably wouldn't have discussed my problems with strangers. People handle loss and conflict in different ways. Maybe the individual private messaging ol' Death_Luv had no one else to speak with, or couldn't fully confide in someone they already knew? Naturally, they should probably seek appropriate help, and the compassionate response would be to offer some form of comfort or advice.

 

Sure, we've all got problems. No one really wants to spend their free time listening to other people bitch about their issues, but simply being polite, honest, or compassionate toward their situation could make all of the difference, with the added bonus of feeling good about what you've done.

Well said.  I was thinking a very similar thing.  What a bunch of hard-hearted posters above, very depressing.  

Of course, a balance needs to be struck: we don't want to be logging into a game and spending the whole time every time listening to people discuss their problems, but when someone is struggling in real life and reaches out to another player to talk about that, would it really hurt to listen for a while?  We all have problems of varying degrees and some of us like to talk about them, and some don't.  For those who don't, though, I'd just say please show a little compassion when someone does.  Giving 5 or 10 minutes of your time and attention  might make a massive difference to someone who is really on the edge.  Surely that should be more important than achieving some virtual goal in a game?  Some people might have nobody else to confide in, or they might find it easier to do in the anonymity of an mmo.  A little kindness goes a long way ♥

Originally posted by Wakygreek
I like to hear about real life and tbh I wish people were more open about that kind of stuff. While gaming is primarily used for entertainment, I feel it is equally useful as a way to reach out to other people that also share the same hobby.

Also this.

---

Originally posted by bunnyhopper
Gank them and loot their stuffz.

---

Sorry had to laugh!

Originally posted by jayarte

Originally posted by Lawlmonster

I think everyone deserves help, regardless if you're face to face, on the phone, or using the internet: that's still a real person on the other end. Compassion doesn't make us weak, either. From my own experiences and tribulations, I can affirm that ventrilo and friends I've known for roughly fifteen years were the reason I sought medical and therapeutic aide, though I probably wouldn't have discussed my problems with strangers. People handle loss and conflict in different ways. Maybe the individual private messaging ol' Death_Luv had no one else to speak with, or couldn't fully confide in someone they already knew? Naturally, they should probably seek appropriate help, and the compassionate response would be to offer some form of comfort or advice.

 

Sure, we've all got problems. No one really wants to spend their free time listening to other people bitch about their issues, but simply being polite, honest, or compassionate toward their situation could make all of the difference, with the added bonus of feeling good about what you've done.

Well said.  I was thinking a very similar thing.  What a bunch of hard-hearted posters above, very depressing.  

 

Of course, a balance needs to be struck: we don't want to be logging into a game and spending the whole time every time listening to people discuss their problems, but when someone is struggling in real life and reaches out to another player to talk about that, would it really hurt to listen for a while?  We all have problems of varying degrees and some of us like to talk about them, and some don't.  For those who don't, though, I'd just say please show a little compassion when someone does.  Giving 5 or 10 minutes of your time and attention  might make a massive difference to someone who is really on the edge.  Surely that should be more important than achieving some virtual goal in a game?  Some people might have nobody else to confide in, or they might find it easier to do in the anonymity of an mmo.  A little kindness goes a long way ♥

thanks god posts like these makes me believe that i am alone yet ..!

so much hatred and frozen feelings from the posters in this community, and then they worry about the MMOs that they are not social ... how ironic, i will keep the link of that thread everytime i read that an MMO isnt social enough.

Originally posted by Mueslinator

Originally posted by Simphanatic

The sorry truth is there are many people who depend on online games for their primary source of human interaction. Often, this is a self-imposed circumstance, but I'm acquainted with a number of hardcore players who've disabilities (myself included) and find getting out of the house and socializing a somewhat insurmountable challenge.

Still, there's a time and place for everything. Were the player characterized by the OP a total stranger, I'd find it an uncomfortable conversation and would do my utmost to disengage. Contrariwise, if the player was someone with whom I'd become friendly, I might lend an ear and support or advice within my purview.

I'm certainly not bereft of empathy, but at the same time I tend to be a no-nonsense kind of player. When I'm engaged in a quest or group mission, I don't want to be bothered by chit chat that doesn't concern the game or specific matters at hand. One of the principal reasons I seek out MMOs is for their immersive quality -- call it escapism. I don't burden others with my real life issues and, generally, I'd much prefer they not burden me with theirs.

 

Seconded.

It absolutely depends on who is coming to me with which personal problems:

A stranger with an immediate, serious problem? Very uncomfortable - I will try to disengage from the conversation as soon as possible. Maybe even contact a GM, if the person sounds like he/she needs real help.

A stranger with a 'problem'? Disengage, make it clear I have no interest in other peoples' personal life. If they persist, /ignore.

A gaming buddy with a real problem? I'll try my best to help, but will make it clear that he should seek outside help, if applicable. And that I won't be there every time to help out.

A friend? They know me well enough to not bother me with those things in-game. If they need to talk, we'll meet up IRL.

 

That said: I play to escape reality for a bit. Contrary to what some might believe, escapism (in measure) is normal, healthy behaviour that helps keep us level. When I play, I don't particularly want to hear about RL: Be that someone's warts acting up, someone's RL interrupting a play session repeatedly, the latest soccer game or the financial crisis. I want to game - to talk about the game I'm playing, discuss Lore, gameplay, the game itself.

I'll third that (unless someone else has done that already).

It's poor form to unburden yourself to a stranger and essentially disrupt the game by going off on your worldy woes.

The only  way I can see it working is if you've played with this person  for a long time and know them well and want to seek their advice or if you, as an aside, say "hey, I realize this might be weird but can I ask some advice..."

In which case one party can give advice and the other party can thank them and move on to the game.

the problem with some people is that if they receive advice they don't heed it or even acknowledge it but just go on in the muck that is their life.

Case in point, the person who I had spoken to who was unemployed, in a bad financial place, bad relationship etc.

I gave advice on how to get a job and all they wanted to do was bitch and even worse, make excuses for why they couldn't do what I suggested. Which really were excuses as I counteracted every one of them.

I don't get paid to be an online thereapist and I do pay to play online games.

Originally posted by Lienhart

Read half of the responses here and you'll see just what the fuck is wrong with Western society.

Me, myself and I.

"wrong"? Just a way of life. Don't expect handouts from strangers.

And we are talking about entertainment here. If you need help, call up the Red Cross. Don't expect it in a GAME.

Originally posted by Nazlokless

to be fair i would be asking why they investing time money on a game, burning electricity ect, when they cannot afford rent. You should have told them to sell their computer to pay the rent. That two year old child is more important than a game tbh.

 

Because it takes money to make money and some people get caught unawares.  You can't put an ad in the paper to sell when you are completely broke - no money for the add silly.  You may be broke because you had an unexpected visit to the hospital or car trouble.  Heck, my sister and her husband are stretched now because they are making enough money to not be edible for Medicare (government aid).  They can not afford to pay their bills because they make more money than ever.  With four kids the government owned school system has begun charging them full price for each one's education.  Unexpected things can happen that put you in a financial bind.  Death, cancer, etc, etc, etc.  You might have already had a computer and game set up before poop hit.  It might be an old PC and not sellable and not worth the add in the paper.  

Unless you've hit bottom yourself and HAD NO HELP FROM ANYONE to climb out you have no right to judge.

That said, I still feel games are not the place to seek help.  Games are a momentary escape from stress, yeah, but don't ask strangers for help.  Get involved in a church if you don't have family or your family is bent.  If the church don't help dump them and find another.  Don't do church, join a biker club.  But don't ask online gamers because they can't help and you waste time you could have asked someone who could.

And PC's don't burn that much electricity if you don't turn them off and on or run a special designed gamers PC.  It's the internet / tv bill you might cancel which also might not be a good idea if your are looking for a job real quick.  Google [Earth] is a great way map out a job interview or read up on a business your scooping out to impress a would be boss. 

I reply with something slightly mean and sarcastic like:

"Well, hopefully you will have net at your new place so you can continue playing. :\ "

If they get annoyed and leave good, if it makes them shut up it's good and if they are willing to deal with it I might even be willing to give them some real advice. 

Originally posted by Simphanatic

Originally posted by Disatisfied9

Originally posted by Simphanatic

The most valuable member of any guild is always named Google, he's also the least used member, especially by the takers.

I hate people like you. You know, the jerks who say "google it" as if that's a real answer.

And, not to put too fine a point on it, I have no time for people who lack the initiative and resourcefulness to solve life's simplest problems without having their hands held at every turn.

Yeah, I'm judgmental. I'm the kind of person who reads through a game's forum and user guides before I start playing a game. When I have a question, it's definitely easier for me to find an answer via Google (3 minutes tops) than to bother other players with petty questions they've already answered ad nauseum.

I believe new players should be given the tools to succeed, part of that is helping them know where to find answers; so the next time they are stumped and no guildmate is online they know how to handle it.

I most certainly believe that spoonfeeding people only cripples them.

Case in point:

New player asks which mob drops leather. Guild members tell him.

Ten minutes later same player asks which mob drobs a needle and thread. Guild members tell him.

Another ten minutes pass when the new player asks what mobs drop gold darts. Guild members tell him.

And so it continues.

Whereas, had a guildmate given the new member a URL for the games Wiki, the new member would not only know where to look up such items, he'd also discover an entire universe of useful information.

Unlike you, I don't actually hate anyone, but I have absolutely no respect for the intellectually lazy types who haven't the inclination to help themselves. Frankly, they should stay on the Disney site.

 

Just for the record: google and wiki is spoonfeeding. Those who are not spoonfed learn through their own analysis and experience. 

Originally posted by Jemcrystal

(...)

 

To either I want to be polite but I don't want to hand feed them so they'll keep dishing stress.  Seriously, THERE IS NOTHING A GUILDMATE CAN DO TO SAVE YOU FROM LIFE'S PROBLEMS.  

Actually, just making them believe that you care for at least a moment, may be enough to brighten their day. I don't think anyone demands other people to care or to listen, but I would be suprised if they don't appriciate that at least someone listens for a while even though they cannot do much to help other than listening temporarily.

Originally posted by TwoThreeFour

Originally posted by Jemcrystal

(...)

 

To either I want to be polite but I don't want to hand feed them so they'll keep dishing stress.  Seriously, THERE IS NOTHING A GUILDMATE CAN DO TO SAVE YOU FROM LIFE'S PROBLEMS.  

 

Actually, just making them believe that you care for at least a moment, may be enough to brighten their day. I don't think anyone demands other people to care or to listen, but I would be suprised if they don't appriciate that at least someone listens for a while even though they cannot do much to help other than listening temporarily.

That's all well and good but in my experience what happens is you then become their listening post all the time.

I used to be a patient and supportive Guild Leader with some really good people. We had a few people who had quite a few issues and I ended up being the default supportive ear.

Instead of them addressing their issues it became a "session" every day.

At some point it really is the responsibility of the affected individual to seek real help. Or at the very least recognize boundaries and don't constantly dump on people.

Originally posted by Lienhart

Read half of the responses here and you'll see just what the fuck is wrong with Western society.

Me, myself and I.

Whats wrong is the person trying to make somebody feel bad for them.  I know I do not play games because I want to hear about somebody elses problems.

I especially do not want to hear about somebody with no self motivation and a lack of priorites crying about their struggles.

Originally posted by nariusseldon

Originally posted by Lienhart

Read half of the responses here and you'll see just what the fuck is wrong with Western society.

Me, myself and I.

"wrong"? Just a way of life. Don't expect handouts from strangers.

And we are talking about entertainment here. If you need help, call up the Red Cross. Don't expect it in a GAME.

You know this is why you'll never move from your current position of life? lol

Empathy goes a long way; especially when trying to get laid.

Originally posted by phantomghost

Originally posted by Lienhart

Read half of the responses here and you'll see just what the fuck is wrong with Western society.

Me, myself and I.

Whats wrong is the person trying to make somebody feel bad for them.  I know I do not play games because I want to hear about somebody elses problems.

 

I especially do not want to hear about somebody with no self motivation and a lack of priorites crying about their struggles.

My gf low sided today on her motorcycle and multiple cars passed by her without asking if she was okay. The issue isn't exclusive to MMORPGs; it's everywhere. There are case studies of rape victims being dragged into the middle of an intersection and left to die; nobody gave a shit (bystander effect). Look at vehicle theft videos on YouTube, someone using a hacksaw in a damn major intersection in New York to steal somoene's bicycle, nobody attemped to stop him (in broad daylight).

This is culture specific and it plays a large part of the Western "civilized" society. If you selfish shits can't do this in a video game, you sure as hell aren't going to do it in real life.

Here's a story that relates to this topic and shows that there's at least a BIT of hope:

http://www.zenmoments.org/the-cab-ride-ill-never-forget/