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The Pub at MMORPG.COM  » How do you deal with gamers with personal problems?

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85 posts found
  aerelis

Apprentice Member

Joined: 12/06/08
Posts: 56

10/08/12 10:04:52 PM#41
Yea I play games to get away from real life for a moment. It depends on how close  you are to this person, if you are close seem compassionate but let them know you may not feel comfortable talking about it? And for someone getting evicted maybe they should be doing other things than sitting at a computer? just a thought

Aere Bourne

  FrodoFragins

Hard Core Member

Joined: 4/29/10
Posts: 2775

10/08/12 10:55:09 PM#42
Depends on my mood and who they are.  Luckily I tend to solo when not in instances so it hasn't been an issue much.  I would never be rude about it but I'd probably need to log off early that night.  People usually get the hint pretty quick.
  RefMinor

Novice Member

Joined: 7/16/11
Posts: 3542

Hipster

10/09/12 1:21:45 AM#43
Originally posted by Disatisfied9
Originally posted by RefMinor
I go to my games annual convention and wait until I am invited to a Q&A session that is being broadcast via a live feed then take the opportunity to call them out by name and mock their issues.

The maturity of a 41 year old child. Classic Internet.

I am guessing you missed the sarcastic reference. Classic Internet.

  Mueslinator

Apprentice Member

Joined: 10/08/11
Posts: 78

10/09/12 5:53:52 AM#44
Originally posted by Simphanatic

The sorry truth is there are many people who depend on online games for their primary source of human interaction. Often, this is a self-imposed circumstance, but I'm acquainted with a number of hardcore players who've disabilities (myself included) and find getting out of the house and socializing a somewhat insurmountable challenge.

Still, there's a time and place for everything. Were the player characterized by the OP a total stranger, I'd find it an uncomfortable conversation and would do my utmost to disengage. Contrariwise, if the player was someone with whom I'd become friendly, I might lend an ear and support or advice within my purview.

I'm certainly not bereft of empathy, but at the same time I tend to be a no-nonsense kind of player. When I'm engaged in a quest or group mission, I don't want to be bothered by chit chat that doesn't concern the game or specific matters at hand. One of the principal reasons I seek out MMOs is for their immersive quality -- call it escapism. I don't burden others with my real life issues and, generally, I'd much prefer they not burden me with theirs.

 

Seconded.

It absolutely depends on who is coming to me with which personal problems:

A stranger with an immediate, serious problem? Very uncomfortable - I will try to disengage from the conversation as soon as possible. Maybe even contact a GM, if the person sounds like he/she needs real help.

A stranger with a 'problem'? Disengage, make it clear I have no interest in other peoples' personal life. If they persist, /ignore.

A gaming buddy with a real problem? I'll try my best to help, but will make it clear that he should seek outside help, if applicable. And that I won't be there every time to help out.

A friend? They know me well enough to not bother me with those things in-game. If they need to talk, we'll meet up IRL.

 

That said: I play to escape reality for a bit. Contrary to what some might believe, escapism (in measure) is normal, healthy behaviour that helps keep us level. When I play, I don't particularly want to hear about RL: Be that someone's warts acting up, someone's RL interrupting a play session repeatedly, the latest soccer game or the financial crisis. I want to game - to talk about the game I'm playing, discuss Lore, gameplay, the game itself.

  fenistil

Novice Member

Joined: 9/22/11
Posts: 3016

10/09/12 6:01:16 AM#45

Never had someone offload some most serious things that life can bring (death, losing place to live, etc) in an mmorpg.

When someone offload some more "minor" problem in real life (fight in relationship, annoying situation at job,etc) I usually try to listen as long as people go for long rants about it or do it too often.

I don't really play games to talk about that things so if that is more frequent than occasional things then I start to avoid this person or talking with him / her.

  Vhaln

Novice Member

Joined: 7/07/05
Posts: 3167

10/09/12 6:11:00 AM#46

I'd just show some basic sympathy, like saying "Damn, that sucks.  Sorry to hear it."

 

If I'm feeling social enough, I might ask some questions, like if they have family they'll be staying with, at least.  Usually things aren't as dire as they seem, and the person just wants to vent a little.

When I want a single-player story, I'll play a single-player game. When I play an MMO, I want a massively multiplayer world.

  worldalpha

Novice Member

Joined: 11/03/11
Posts: 401

Working hard on WorldAlpha

10/09/12 6:23:50 AM#47
If they need serious help, I would recommend that see a professional, there is really nothing you can do over a game, to assist a person that really needs some help.

Thanks,
Mike
Working on Social Strategy MMORTS (now Launched!) http://www.worldalpha.com

  Dibdabs

Advanced Member

Joined: 5/29/08
Posts: 2470

10/09/12 7:04:47 AM#48
Originally posted by Jemcrystal

 How do you deal with mmo peeps unloading personal baggage in game?

I'd /ignore them.  I'm there to entertain myself, not act as some kind of social worker for a complete stranger.  If I did offer any advice it would be "If you're problems are that bad why not turn off the computer, get your ass out of the chair and FIX things."

  f0dell54

Novice Member

Joined: 4/16/12
Posts: 311

Sanity....
It's for the weak.

10/09/12 7:18:42 AM#49
Originally posted by Disatisfied9
Originally posted by Simphanatic
Originally posted by Disatisfied9
Originally posted by Simphanatic

The most valuable member of any guild is always named Google, he's also the least used member, especially by the takers.

I hate people like you. You know, the jerks who say "google it" as if that's a real answer.

And, not to put too fine a point on it, I have no time for people who lack the initiative and resourcefulness to solve life's simplest problems without having their hands held at every turn.

Yeah, I'm judgmental. I'm the kind of person who reads through a game's forum and user guides before I start playing a game. When I have a question, it's definitely easier for me to find an answer via Google (3 minutes tops) than to bother other players with petty questions they've already answered ad nauseum.

I believe new players should be given the tools to succeed, part of that is helping them know where to find answers; so the next time they are stumped and no guildmate is online they know how to handle it.

I most certainly believe that spoonfeeding people only cripples them.

Case in point:

New player asks which mob drops leather. Guild members tell him.

Ten minutes later same player asks which mob drobs a needle and thread. Guild members tell him.

Another ten minutes pass when the new player asks what mobs drop gold darts. Guild members tell him.

And so it continues.

Whereas, had a guildmate given the new member a URL for the games Wiki, the new member would not only know where to look up such items, he'd also discover an entire universe of useful information.

Unlike you, I don't actually hate anyone, but I have absolutely no respect for the intellectually lazy types who haven't the inclination to help themselves. Frankly, they should stay on the Disney site.

 

Giving a link to a game's Wiki or a specific website isn't the same know-it-all psuedo-help jerk attitude of those who say "Google it". That's a huge difference.

You can say "Unlike you, I don't actually hate anyone" but your words are irrelevant. Anyone who knows the answer and tells someone to "Google it" are hating on those people. You didn't say "I refer them to a link to a specific website that can provide them with a database for any item/mob drop they may need." No, I didn't talk about that either. This is all about "google it".

 

Once again, no one needs your "help" telling them to "google it". You are not helping anyone by saying "google it". You are not enlightening others. You are not teaching a man to fish. You are telling something to someone who already knows about google, because you lack the actual answer to the question but are so arrogant you can't simply say "I don't know" or stay silent.

The reason I hate people like you are because they are inefficient jerks and mostly it's the arrogance. No one needs you to tell them to "google it". Plenty need the link to a SPECIFIC website to find information on a game, or a link to a database website. They do NOT, however, need a link to google.

 

You have absolutely no respect for anyone. If you can't respect and show kindness and love to a stranger, even one who doesn't "google it" then you don't have respect or love for anyone. I spit on people's integrity who claim to have some when it's not universal. If you don't respect everyone equally, you don't know what respect is. If you don't value all individuals as people equally, you don't value anyone. If you don't love others unconditionally, you have no idea what love is even if you claim you have it for "some people".

Just because "it's the internet dude..." doesn't excuse a change in integrity or moral values. You are who you are, and if you find the need to be a jerk online, you are a jerk in real life too. I've met plenty of people who think they have integrity, but when the @#$# hits the fan, they melt like a child who doesn't know what a value even is.

 

Not to mention that anytime anyone says "Google it" in a snarky tone, it's not just them being an arrogant know-it-all douchebag who knows nothing... they are perpetrating an internet social norm associated with a negative attitude, disrespectful tone, and destructive belief.

If you really wanted to teach someone to fish, you'd answer their question AND give them a link to a SPECIFIC website. If they are a consistent problem and annoy you simply because they are always asking questions and "too lazy" to "google it", I'd check in the mirror. The only person actually being lazy is you. They're being efficient, not lazy.

 

After all, what is more lazy? Someone who wants a split-second answer from a DIRECT knowledgable source on the topic, or someone who KNOWS the answer but refuses to type it out of some bitter, skewed perspective that views them as lazy. I hate to break it to you, but laziness can actually be a sign of intelligence. Intelligent, lazy people invent things like the websites that result when you "google it". It's lazier to build a database from a collective community than to look for a single task answer in-game using solo experimentation or hard work simply to calculate the % chance of a drop or what not...every single time you want an item. (The experiment makes the entire process irrelevant, as you'll find the item you need before you have the information required to complete the experiment.)

The only real lazy person is you. Unless of course, you DON'T know the answer. Then you aren't being lazy, you're being an arrogant know-it-all who refuses to humbly admit "I don't know" and feels the self-righteous need to "educate others" by enlightening them to the use of "google". Once again... no one needs you to tell them about google. The sole fact you think people are that stupid, shows your arrogance (I bet you think you can google REALLY well! 3 minutes max!) not to mention that the fact hovers a dark shadow of curiosity over your claim of "I don't hate anyone."

 

You know what type of people I hate? Unproductive, unrealistic, arrogant, unintelligent, harmful jerks. The types that bring nothing productive into the equation. You know what reveals those types very easily? "Google it." What is productive about telling people about a website EVERYONE knows about? Nothing. If they wanted to google it, they would have.

 

Calm down. I think you need to Google some relaxation methods.

  mmoguy43

Spotlight Poster

Joined: 3/31/09
Posts: 2325

10/09/12 11:31:24 AM#50

Sorry, but conversing with the other person is all I will do at most. I've known some really kind and generous people that helped out guild members in a "desperate time" which resulting in continuous begging for money. If the person is throwing their issues in general chat then they will be ignored. If chatting in group or guild, I can console them but that's it, and move on. I personally wouldn't bring up my own personal RL issues in game. Nobody really cares, nor can/want do anything about it; we are here to play a game and have fun. Besides, we all have problems that we have to overcome.

Let's build the ultimate MMO 1 feature at a time
http://www.mmorpg.com/discussion2.cfm/thread/398555/page/1

"blocked nariusseldon since forever"

  MMOExposed

Spotlight Poster

Joined: 6/17/10
Posts: 6099

10/09/12 3:58:41 PM#51
Originally posted by Lawlmonster

I think everyone deserves help, regardless if you're face to face, on the phone, or using the internet: that's still a real person on the other end. Compassion doesn't make us weak, either. From my own experiences and tribulations, I can affirm that ventrilo and friends I've known for roughly fifteen years were the reason I sought medical and therapeutic aide, though I probably wouldn't have discussed my problems with strangers. People handle loss and conflict in different ways. Maybe the individual private messaging ol' Death_Luv had no one else to speak with, or couldn't fully confide in someone they already knew? Naturally, they should probably seek appropriate help, and the compassionate response would be to offer some form of comfort or advice.

 

Sure, we've all got problems. No one really wants to spend their free time listening to other people bitch about their issues, but simply being polite, honest, or compassionate toward their situation could make all of the difference, with the added bonus of feeling good about what you've done.

Hey What games you play. I want to join you.

  Betaguy

Advanced Member

Joined: 12/31/04
Posts: 2641

Some folks are like Slinkies, totally useless but great fun to watch when pushed down stairs

10/09/12 4:01:53 PM#52
Originally posted by Jemcrystal

Lucidia:  "Hi, Guildmate Death_Luv, my name is Lucidia and I'd like to party with you in Wiley Canyon.  Oh, btw, my two-yr-old and I are about to get evicted because we can't pay rent."  

Death_Luv:  "Ah, errr, how bout them Dodgers?"

 

How do you deal with mmo peeps unloading personal baggage in game?

 

 

*[Made up names but the situation is vague copy from a encounter I had yesterday].

Sorry to hear that, but I play solo since I am afk so much... The guild leader will gladly help you out... ;}

  dave6660

Advanced Member

Joined: 9/26/08
Posts: 2350

"Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you."

10/09/12 4:03:51 PM#53

I find being blunt is the easiest solution.  If you really don't care then say so.  They may not like the answer but it will definitely end the conversation.

"Why so serious?"
-- The Joker

  phantomghost

Novice Member

Joined: 11/05/11
Posts: 635

"Kill me, my man kills you, that's how you lose."

10/09/12 4:06:18 PM#54

Tell them time to quit this game.  You do not need to be paying for games, internet. television etc for entertainment... you need to get a job... pay your rent, feed your 2 year old... if anything is left over you can have the scraps.  Grow up.  Tell everyone on the game how ridiculous this person is...

 

Might refer them to others with similar views.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VthkEW6aB9s

 

I live by a "Ya don't work, ya don't eat". policy.

"I see they watchin' me and takin' notes on my moves, Run up on me it's all I want I ain't got nothin' to lose."

  Tymoris

Advanced Member

Joined: 10/29/09
Posts: 342

Innocence Proves Nothing

10/09/12 4:14:50 PM#55

Personally I don't even see WHY it's an issue to begin with. 

Are seriously people these days such wusses that a person venting causes them such discomfort?

Hell the easiest way to difuse such cases is to engage in simple conversation and if the other sides goes overboard just tell him so in a polite manner. Really just basic manners nothing big.

For me it's simple, if you can't deal with humans DON"T play MMOs. Go play a single player game and escape, go watch porn and masturbate your stress away, go for a walk or read a book.

And I don't get the "It's only a game/pixes" attitude Tell you what, if a 40 year old dude sends sex tells via the game to your 14 year old girl, would you say it's just pixels?  

  yorkforce

Novice Member

Joined: 8/17/04
Posts: 157

10/09/12 4:27:33 PM#56
Originally posted by Jemcrystal

Lucidia:  "Hi, Guildmate Death_Luv, my name is Lucidia and I'd like to party with you in Wiley Canyon.  Oh, btw, my two-yr-old and I are about to get evicted because we can't pay rent."  

Death_Luv:  "Ah, errr, how bout them Dodgers?"

 

How do you deal with mmo peeps unloading personal baggage in game?

 

 

*[Made up names but the situation is vague copy from a encounter I had yesterday].

Depends on the person and the situation, however a quick break down of the above statement is very clear in thier intentions regardless of situation.

Oh, btw, my two-yr-old and I are about to get evicted because we can't pay rent.

To quickly translate, the first bolded line is an immediate play to gain sympathy, the second is to gain money. The third and most important line of all, which isnt even written, is that a person abouts to be evicted, is playing a video game.

I would personally be cautious around such a person, unless I knew them extremely well and this was completely out of character.

  Lawlmonster

Apprentice Member

Joined: 10/07/09
Posts: 949

Take my advice, I'm not using it anyway.

10/09/12 5:36:27 PM#57
Originally posted by Slampig
Originally posted by Lawlmonster

I think everyone deserves help, regardless if you're face to face, on the phone, or using the internet: that's still a real person on the other end. Compassion doesn't make us weak, either. From my own experiences and tribulations, I can affirm that ventrilo and friends I've known for roughly fifteen years were the reason I sought medical and therapeutic aide, though I probably wouldn't have discussed my problems with strangers. People handle loss and conflict in different ways. Maybe the individual private messaging ol' Death_Luv had no one else to speak with, or couldn't fully confide in someone they already knew? Naturally, they should probably seek appropriate help, and the compassionate response would be to offer some form of comfort or advice.

 

Sure, we've all got problems. No one really wants to spend their free time listening to other people bitch about their issues, but simply being polite, honest, or compassionate toward their situation could make all of the difference, with the added bonus of feeling good about what you've done.

Good luck with that. From the OP and the majority of the posters in this thread I think you can see where these people stand...

So, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em? The mentality you're presenting is exactly the reason I choose to act the way I do online, and why I treat other individuals I meet in games as real people, with real problems. To do so would be admitting defeat, and allowing absolute anonymity, pride, or a lack of compassion to direct my motives. Don't worry about wishing me luck, I'm willing to take the sacrifice.

"This is life! We suffer and slave and expire. That's it!" -Bernard Black (Dylan Moran)

  Lawlmonster

Apprentice Member

Joined: 10/07/09
Posts: 949

Take my advice, I'm not using it anyway.

10/09/12 5:38:53 PM#58
Originally posted by MMOExposed
Originally posted by Lawlmonster

I think everyone deserves help, regardless if you're face to face, on the phone, or using the internet: that's still a real person on the other end. Compassion doesn't make us weak, either. From my own experiences and tribulations, I can affirm that ventrilo and friends I've known for roughly fifteen years were the reason I sought medical and therapeutic aide, though I probably wouldn't have discussed my problems with strangers. People handle loss and conflict in different ways. Maybe the individual private messaging ol' Death_Luv had no one else to speak with, or couldn't fully confide in someone they already knew? Naturally, they should probably seek appropriate help, and the compassionate response would be to offer some form of comfort or advice.

 

Sure, we've all got problems. No one really wants to spend their free time listening to other people bitch about their issues, but simply being polite, honest, or compassionate toward their situation could make all of the difference, with the added bonus of feeling good about what you've done.

Hey What games you play. I want to join you.

Just about any and everything. You can send me a PM and I'll give you my Steam information so we can do internet stuff like bros.

"This is life! We suffer and slave and expire. That's it!" -Bernard Black (Dylan Moran)

  Wakygreek

Spotlight Poster

Joined: 4/30/08
Posts: 1244

Reason is a necessity

10/09/12 5:55:25 PM#59
I like to hear about real life and tbh I wish people were more open about that kind of stuff. While gaming is primarily used for entertainment, I feel it is equally useful as a way to reach out to other people that also share the same hobby.
  laserit

Elite Member

Joined: 3/24/10
Posts: 1543

Confusius say: Man who go to bed with itchy bum wake up with stinky finger

10/09/12 5:58:33 PM#60
AAAnnndddd.... IIIIIIII.... will sing a rhapsody

I made a double sided USB cable and I plugged my Console into my PC... or did I plug my PC into my Console? Anyway I can now play Console games on my PC! and play PC games on my Console!

FRIGGING AWESOME!

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