So I am coming up on the end of 14 day trial, about 90% certain I will sub for at least a month. The new user experience is FAR better than it was last time, and thanks to the various tutorials, I've got a hanger full of ships, including a shiny new destroyer and a freighter I can't actually fly 'cause trial accounts can't train on Industrial ships. And I'm happy to acknowledge that EVE's learning curve is pretty steep, though after an hour or two, it became fairly intuitive -- everything is very consistent so far, which is the mark of good interface design. That said, I have one question to ask of my fellow n00bs:

DON'T YOU PEOPLE FRACKIN' READ? I MEAN, ANYTHING? AT ALL?

Sitting in new player help, watching the chat scroll by, it ASTOUNDS me how STUPID some people are. Sure, newbie questions are supposed to be stupid to experienced players, but many of the things people ask are already clearly answered in the game. For Christ's frackin' sake, "How do I move?" ???? "How do I move?"???? It's explained in the very first seconds of the very first tutorial!

And, you know, while the game is downloading for the first time, you might want to do the TINIEST bit of research so you know what you're getting into? Even on a high speed connection, download and install will take 1-3 hours. USE THAT TIME TO DO SOME RESEARCH. Type "EVE Online New Player Guide" into google! Figure out what the hell kind of game you're getting INTO before you log in and assume it's WoW-in-Space and you're supposed to WASD your way around the world! (Yes, I do this for every MMORPG I'm trialing/testing. I want to know at least the basics of what awaits me after the logon screen before I log in. This can't/won't prevent every mistake and stupid error, but it stops some.)

Also, please don't just type "Help" in chat. "Help" is pretty damn vague. And you know what's nice about EVE? It's a pretty slow paced game, unless you're in some huge multi-fleet PVP furball, which you shouldn't be when you're on a trial account, so you can type... out... full... words. 90% of the time, you're watching the pretty planets go whizzing by and not really doing anything, so you can use actual sentences. 

And DO THE DAMN TUTORIALS! They're there for a reason, and they give you Phat L3wt! (I (heart) my Merlin so much. Cool visual design, and pretty effective at what I've had to do so far.)

"What does a Retrograde Polyshift Frequency Beta Analyzer do?" Well, did you click "Get Info" on it? No? Try that. If you still don't understand that, you probably at least have a basis for asking a much more focused question. 

Intelligent Question: "Help, I accidentally closed my Career Agent window, how can I open it again?"

Not-so-intelligent question:"WTF ROFLCOPT3R THiS gamEs ghey help help help!!!!!"

Also: There's about 10,000 desperately confused n00bs in the chat channel. You are NOT Mommy's Precious Little Angel Snowflake (a lesson EVE is going to teach you the hard way, bucko), so if you're not answered in 0.0005 nanoseconds of posting, wait a bit, then *politely* post again.

(Oh, and a quick answer to another commonly asked question:"How do I get my ship back after it's destroyed?" Answer: You don't, unless it was a newbie ship, and even then, you don't get back the fittings/cargo. Again, if you'd done the tiniest bit of research into the nature of the game before you started playing it, you wouldn't ask these questions.)

PPS: Don't ask what's the "best" ship/skill/gun/etc, and for Ghu's sake, do not use the phrase "DPS". Again, if you'd done any reading, you'd know that "best" in EVE is incredibly relative, as every item has about 59 different stats and which one matters most depends on what you're trying to do right now. Not to mention, it's a lot better to have an item which is slightly inferior, but costs 1/10th as much, than something which gives you 1% more damage and drains your wallet so you can't even replace it with the cheap one when you're blown out of the sky. (This is a general pet peeve of mine... the assumption there must be an "I win!" button. If a game is at all well designed, there will be no "best" anything. If there's a "best" weapon/class/skill/build, the game is poorly designed.)

And as a quick PS:No, EVE is not gay. If it was, we'd all have much better hairstyles[1] and our ships would be far more stylish.

Thank you, and good night. HTH. HAND.

[1]I mean, really, CCP. Did the entire Caldari race get run over with a lawnmower, or WHAT? At least Caldari SHIPS don't look like brown, vaguely organic, blobs.

Why I do believe that you have become a "bitter vet" even before your 14 day trial has ended

Welcome to EVE, sir. Welcome to EVE.

TLDR version

Rar Rar Rar

Read this New Player Guide while you download that game.

Rar Rar Rar

Eve is hard, ask better questions.

Originally posted by Malcanis

Why I do believe that you have become a "bitter vet" even before your 14 day trial has ended

 

Welcome to EVE, sir. Welcome to EVE.

I'm a "bitter vet" of online gaming in general, having been at this since the days of Isle of Kesmai.

Ah, hell, I was just born bitter and cranky. It's been well documented I've been a Grumpy Old Man since I was about 12.

I've just found the level of "I don't wanna read the documentation, I don't wanna do the tutorials, I don't wanna wait my turn, you all exist to hold my hand and give me one-on-one tutoring in every aspect of the game" whining in the help channel to be worse than that I've seen in the n00b zones for almost every other game I've tried. Maybe it's because so many people assume that every game is "WoW, but...", i.e, "Conan is WoW, but with more cleavage.", "WAR is WoW, but with more battlegrounds", "EVE is WoW, but, in space!", and pretty much no knowledge from WoW (or any other 'typical' MMORPG, don't want to turn this into WoW-bashing) is portable to EVE. Even when common terms are used, like 'tanking', they don't mean the same thing, precisely.

A few others:

If someone responds to your question of "Where can I find Veldspar?" with a link to a web page that you can view using the in-game browser (A game where I can look at pr0n *while* I play? I'm SO subbing!), click the link. Don't keep asking. You've got your answer. Move on. You're not going to get "Go to 34.12, 67.9".

This isn't snideness, but real advice any new player might genuinely benefit from: Hidden at the bottom of the 'variations' page of the 'get info' of almost any item is a button called 'Compare'. I barely noticed it. If the tutorial calls attention to it, I missed that bit. Click it. It's VERY helpful. A lot better than opening a lot of info windows.

I was quite sincere in my welcome. By the sound of it, you'll do just fine.

Perhaps I could console you with this thought: One of the joys of EVE is that stupid players aren't just an irritation. They're also a valuable resource.

---

This isn't snideness, but real advice any new player might genuinely benefit from: Hidden at the bottom of the 'variations' page of the 'get info' of almost any item is a button called 'Compare'. I barely noticed it. If the tutorial calls attention to it, I missed that bit. Click it. It's VERY helpful. A lot better than opening a lot of info windows.

---

You're one of the few people who actually know that one then. I haven't met a lot of people who know that feature.
There are a lot of features like that one in eve by the way. Few people know that you can move the locked targets, deactivate offensive mods by clicking on the little icons next to the target they are activated on, reorder targets horizontally..etc.

Another one that i found fairly irritating is that a lot of people seem to have avatars enabled in chat windows, which takes up an incredible amount of space.

And then there are small things. Like people who do not reorder fitted modules in their neocom. It's so much better to have the most important modules on f1-f4 in my opition. And then there are all the little overview tweaks, shield/armor/hull readouts, overview column options..the list goes on.

Admittedly though, most of it isn't really documented well.

In EVE bitter vet is actually used mostly as a compliment. You'll understand soon.

Originally posted by Zyke

In EVE bitter vet is actually used mostly as a compliment. You'll understand soon.

 

 

I assumed it WAS a compliment, which says a lot about me. :)

Originally posted by batolemaeus 

 

You're one of the few people who actually know that one then. I haven't met a lot of people who know that feature.
There are a lot of features like that one in eve by the way. Few people know that you can move the locked targets, deactivate offensive mods by clicking on the little icons next to the target they are activated on, reorder targets horizontally..etc.

Another one that i found fairly irritating is that a lot of people seem to have avatars enabled in chat windows, which takes up an incredible amount of space.

And then there are small things. Like people who do not reorder fitted modules in their neocom. It's so much better to have the most important modules on f1-f4 in my opition. And then there are all the little overview tweaks, shield/armor/hull readouts, overview column options..the list goes on.

Admittedly though, most of it isn't really documented well.

WAIT A MINUTE.....  WTF!!! god damn I wish I knew that...... 5+ years.... god damn it...  really wish I was joking. On a side note if you get a chance send my a PM with how to reorder the targets the first one is pretty damn self-explanitory... though this whole line of thought reminds me of a convo in the back of a EON magazine where a guy didn't realize the 3 Yellow arrows is the undock button... for 3 years....

Originally posted by Nicoli

Originally posted by batolemaeus 

 

You're one of the few people who actually know that one then. I haven't met a lot of people who know that feature.
There are a lot of features like that one in eve by the way. Few people know that you can move the locked targets, deactivate offensive mods by clicking on the little icons next to the target they are activated on, reorder targets horizontally..etc.

Another one that i found fairly irritating is that a lot of people seem to have avatars enabled in chat windows, which takes up an incredible amount of space.

And then there are small things. Like people who do not reorder fitted modules in their neocom. It's so much better to have the most important modules on f1-f4 in my opition. And then there are all the little overview tweaks, shield/armor/hull readouts, overview column options..the list goes on.

Admittedly though, most of it isn't really documented well.

WAIT A MINUTE.....  WTF!!! god damn I wish I knew that...... 5+ years.... god damn it...  really wish I was joking. On a side note if you get a chance send my a PM with how to reorder the targets the first one is pretty damn self-explanitory... though this whole line of thought reminds me of a convo in the back of a EON magazine where a guy didn't realize the 3 Yellow arrows is the undock button... for 3 years....

Hot damn! I didn't know that stuff either. Batolemaeus, could you be a sport and send me a PM with that info too? Or a link to where I might find it? Cheers!
 

http://go-dl1.eve-files.com/media/corp/batolemaeus/target_origin.png

It's usually hidden by the "Selected Target" window. You can drag&drop it, or tell it to order targets vertically/horizontally.

Some people play a game, others live it.

F+ck tutorials since 2001. ;)

In Eve, those that ignore the tutorials tend to diaflaming ship very quickly, within the game of course.

To the OP, I don't know if this will give you any solace but I read the BattleMON starter guide twice before I even installed. I also got the early advice to just shut the rookie help chat off and listen to corp chat and help chat if i was in a pickle. I guess the point I am trying to make: new players like myself don't show up in rookie help asking redonkeylious (jackassedness) questions so not all new players are noobs but, rather, some are just newbs ;)

Yep, that's EVE for you. The rookie help channel really is a cesspool of human stupidity. Most of them are the same folks who accuse you of hacking when you blow up their nice new (but poorly fitted) cruiser in lowsec with a T1 frigate. Or wonder why their battleship sucks so badly when they're using cruiser sized fittings on it (I've blown up a couple of those too in my day, absolutely hilarious).

Sounds like you're on the right track though. Have fun, don't fly what you can't afford to lose, and get those learning skills up!

BTW I hate you for making me want to play again :) Think I'll just have to bite the bullet and do it.

Originally posted by Herodes

Some people play a game, others live it.

F+ck tutorials since 2001. ;)

So, you're the guy typing the following every night...

wwwwwwasdsswwwaaassd

why cant i move

how do i move

help

help!!!11!111

this game sux!!!!!

how do i fly?!?!?!?!?!?!

u r all gay

bye

byeeee

how do i quit

help??????

---

Originally posted by Rednecksith

Yep, that's EVE for you. The rookie help channel really is a cesspool of human stupidity. Most of them are the same folks who accuse you of hacking when you blow up their nice new (but poorly fitted) cruiser in lowsec with a T1 frigate. Or wonder why their battleship sucks so badly when they're using cruiser sized fittings on it (I've blown up a couple of those too in my day, absolutely hilarious).
Sounds like you're on the right track though. Have fun, don't fly what you can't afford to lose, and get those learning skills up!
BTW I hate you for making me want to play again :) Think I'll just have to bite the bullet and do it.

---

 The one thing that's gonna piss you off when you finally do sub is when you log in you will log into the rookie chat for another 30days.  There is no way to disable it other than time and it pisses me off to no end.

Originally posted by Lizard_SF

 

---

EVE is *not* a good game for people with ADD.
(Side note -- recommended fittings for a highsec Badger? I'm currently mounting a 150mm railgun to ward off Guristas, expanded cargo holds, and shield boosters, but mostly I'm concerned with how slowly it enters warp. I need it to get to my cannisters, load up, and get back. No, I'm not using it for mining.)

 

Dont bother with the gun. You wont do enough DPS to kill anything you can track. Fit a tractor beam to pull cans towards you (if they're yours) or a prototype cloak for hiding. You can fit shield resist amps in your midslots to help you absorb damage in the time it takes you to GTFO.

If you want to make it get in to warp more quickly, fit 1 or more Medium Low Friction Nozzle Joint rigs and/or drop Expanded Cargo Holds for Inertial Stabilisers. LFNJs and iStabs increase your agility.

Better yet, you could use Polycarb rigs and/or Nanofibre mods; these will give you fractionally less agility, but they will also increase your speed and acceleration. This will help if you have to travel any distance to the can.

Note that iStabs increase your signature radius, so hostiles will lock you more quickly and damage you more easily. Nanofibres reduce your structure hitpoints. Polycarbs and LFNJs will reduce your armour hp.

In any case, dont put more than 3 onto your ship, as stacking penalties will reduce the value of the 4th to very little.

Incidentally, have you looked at the Blockade Runner class ships? If these are what you're working towards flying, I should advise you that the Caldari one (Crane) is pretty much the worst. Prowler > Prorator/Viator > Crane

lol

I think after my original trial I was answering just as many questions as Vets were.  Sure, I let the more advanced questions be answerd by someone else..

But when I started my trial I was acutly aware of how hard Eve was and that most people dont make it past the trial.  So when I did mine I made damn sure I read everything and followed every tutorial, spoke to people and asked questions ALL the time.

I thought long and hard about what skills I was going to train, which meant studying what ships I was going to want to fly, I then studying for ages on which corp / faction I was going to run missions for.. I even mapped out which Agents I would move to once I built up the right standings.

Some players just sit the arms crossed expecting it to be all done for them