Originally posted by Broomy

Originally posted by Angelof2070

What I find polar-bear-face-palm worthy of (at least US western) society is their belief in mythical differences between men and women, as if they are of a different species.

The life that I have lived is in direct contradiction to the stereotypes and ignorant mind-set of people thinking "only women do this..." or "men act like this..." and I think a lot of people fail to realize the gender similarities and individual differences because most people both live in a small world AND are too self-conceited to notice said world around them.

Excellent point.  However I thnk we need to remember we are discussing "Online games".  This genre up until the last several years has been a males domain (or considered to be based on the advertisers).  Male domains tend to have very sexist stereotypes then ones that are more diverse and open to both genders.  So its not really self conceit that spurs this mentality in gaming, its more about its simply been unintergrated for so long.  Just my opinion.

I don't think that's male-bashing at all. I think that sounds about right. Although the motives, actions, and responses of men and women are the same, the avenue isn't always. It makes sense that while a women would seek one way to be immature and bitter, the man will too but by means of exploiting former intimacies. Either way though, I'd imagine that both genders are damaged the same as the bitter childish ex will do whatever avenue is most damaging to their reputation and expectations and shames based on said gender.

Correct.  "Shaming" the woman and "damaging her reputation" can only be done in a space where such things are an issue.  Gaming being male-dominated for so long is such a place.  And its unfortunate, but I will also state that many women in gaming also share the same sexist views as males.  The go along to "get along" only making the situation worse.  And when it turns around and bites them in the ass (ie: when these females become the victim of the "shaming") they must bear the blame of encouraging this type of male-centric behaviour. 

I wouldn't advise staying away from online relationships though. No more than I'd advise staying away from real life relationships. I find it ironic that a large majority of the community will say "Dont do online relationships, it's trouble!" as if real life relationships don't often turn out exactly the same way. In fact, real life relationships can be just as bad, if not worse when it comes to the suck of aftermath of a breakup. Often people also know each other's friends, because they met that way of course! Proximity is one of nature's #1 ways to hook people up. Whether proximity in an online world or in a local school, shop, or city.

 I do advise against online relationships.  Not becuase they are "different" from RL relationships per se, but because of the lack of recourse in situations that go bad.  A man will hesitate to expose nude photos of his ex in RL because she knows where he lives and where he works.  He could suffer reprecussions for such actions by way of lawsuits and endangering his employment from scandal.  Or even worse, getting his face bashed in by her brother or other male friends.  Online, individuals can do as they please including cyberstalk you with virtually NO PENALTY other than perhaps getting banned from a game or website.  And there are plenty of flame sites that relish such types of stories as entertainment so they could always go there.  Internet + Anon = Retard.  And a cowardly retard at that.  People can go crazy online, and they are allowed to with very little punishment. 

I have spent many years in both online and offline, both shelled up in my room and outside amongst hundreds of people in circumstances with extremely social interaction. Growing up I dated mostly online, but in my adult years I only dated real people. After many failed relationships and crazy ex girlfriends, the result is the same. Trouble. Sometimes nothing short of a nuclear aftermath. I've had both online and offline stalkers, and they both creep out the same since society is so based on online, even when it's offline. (Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, Txting, etc.)

 I wish I got to write this article on internet relationships. I've had a lot of experience in both the offline and online world, and honestly believe there is next to no real difference- only venues in which those differences come to be. That is, of course, only referring to the beginning of relationships, as a real and serious relationship is very different long distance than it is in person. Fortunately, most relationships (online included) don't last that long, so that subject is irrelevant.

You should definitely consider writing something about online relationships, your a good writer.  However one must understand that many games are still full of cavemen that simply are not as evolved as yourself.  And I'm not blowing smoke just telling it like it is.  Well is IMHO :)  And altho we can faceplam these antics and beliefs, , they are very much in existence in virtual spaces. 

 

You make many excellent points (especially the part about me being a good writer! lol jk :P)

I'm assuming your female? Not many males have such insight into what (online) society is like as a female. I couldn't even perceive many of the points you made because I'm male and don't have to go through the extra struggle that females have to go through in a "male dominated" society. Even more so in PC gaming, which is ridiculously and overwhelmingly male. I have only recently had my mind opened to reality in how women have to try harder and achieve more in our society because of the bias against them; especially in the workplace. I was so unaware of it because my attitude is that of ambition and "conquering" in life, and ive plowed through the competition to achieve with relative ease. To think of having a handicap in the social arena is hard for me because I'm ignorant of alot of that. It's more difficult to grasp that other people have troubles when things come easy for you. In my experience people tend to follow you when you walk, bow over when you run, and hide when you sprint, lol.

You're right about the caveman thing. I can't speak for women (I don't know the % of cavewomen) but I can definitely agree with the caveMEN comment. Growing up online and talking on forums, viewing comments, and playing MMO's one thing I have seen more than anything is (exactly as you put it) Internet + Anon = Retarded Caveman. Or unfortunately often in my case, Intelligent Caveman, lol. I must admit the internet does bring out the more aggressive parts, since other people tend to be more confrontational too. Of course, I am charming enough to troll people IRL too if I want :P hahahahha. The twisted part of me loves trolling bc I'm good at it! LoL...

Knowing what the insides of [cave]men are like is scary! First because people in real life are no different, they just don't announce their stupidity and instead keep their mouths shut going home with their insane thoughts. I think I try my best to forget this IRL since that would result in a very sad world, lol.

Second is because I am skeptical of my own perception! Being a male having so much experience in a primarily male-dominated social arena (MMO's, and to a lesser extent forums, reading DIGG or YOUTUBE comments, and the rest of the bile that is known as the internet.) I have what I would like to believe is an accurate picture of men (they're mostly incompotent cavemen) but my picture of women is mostly painted in pretty colors and metaphorically sweet perfumes, lol. Although I've met my fair share of psychos and heard plenty of asinine remarks, but for the most part women I meet treat me very politely with a lot of respect or perhaps even positive affirmation!

It's scary because it leaves me thinking "Is my view so unrealistic that I think men are pigs but women are often wonderful? Shouldn't women be just as bad as these cavemen? Do cavewomen only exist when I am dating???"

LoL @ the last part :P

The theory is still out there though... I have no idea if it's most men that are neanderthal or if most women are too and I just don't see it. I want to be realistic, but I honestly think women may tend to be the better (more humane) gender, lol. It's a possibility. Afterall, you really don't see that many women talking about poop and how horny it makes them when they PK another male.

....or do you?!?! lol

I had an online marriage in SWG, but that was strictly RP. I have few real rules the like I never break, but one is: I never ever mix MMO romance RP and real romance. Ever. Its just something I personally want to see seperated 100%.

Tho I know some relationships of RL formed out of MMos and some broke in MMOs, so I know it does happen.

Why would anyone think it would be any different? MMO's consist of real people. But the PVP'er and raider line did kinda crack me up...

Originally posted by girlgeek

Good article.

I'm in the "category" of the couple that "won't" play without each other, but...I feel you simplified this a bit too much in the article, and the word "won't" is probably far too strong a word for most couples outside of specific CIRCUMSTANCES when they "won't."

My partner (real life, and no, we didn't meet in a game) and I have very little recreational time together due to work schedules, but...we're both gamers. Both fortunately and unfortunately, we're both predominantly MMO players. She likes PvP a bit more than I, and I like raiding a bit more than she, but....we did used to enjoy running a lot of 5 and 10 man groups together and I WILL PvP with her, and she WILL raid with me, just so we can be doing something together. However....we're in a very large raid guild with over 350 people. We are two of the original members of the guild, so the core group of players know us both really well. The newer people....not so much.

The problem is this....ONE of the two guild leaders gets bent out of shape when you say, "Sure, I'll raid tonight, but I'd like it if ______ can go too." The other raid leader rarely, if ever, raids without his wife, so he's a bit more understanding about it. IF there's a spot open.

 

What I think some people fail to see...is that my relationship is most DEFINITELY my priority. If me being in a group or going on a raid is going to make my partner feel left out and bored playing by herself in the living room during the only day she has off for the next week....fuck your raid. It's not that important to me. She wants to play...and she wants to play with ME...and I feel the same way.

Some couples play golf together on the weekends, or go to a movie together, or a myriad of other things. I don't think it's all that "strange" that two gamers prefer to GAME TOGETHER on their days off. And while I don't expect a guild to rearrange their raid or group for it....I DO expect them to understand WHY we do it. And it has nothing to DO with "insecurity." We do play separately in the evenings during the work week. But on days OFF....does it make us somehow "insecure" to want to do something TOGETHER?  I think that's just ridiculous to even suggest that.

 

Just because a couple likes being a part of a shared experience together, that doesn't make them insecure. We like being able to share those memories, and joke about them and laugh about them later. It's really no different than wanting to play a sport together, or go to a movie together. Sharing experiences is part of what good relationships are built on.

Total agreement - especially with the green part.
 

Originally posted by Elikal

I had an online marriage in SWG, but that was strictly RP. I have few real rules the like I never break, but one is: I never ever mix MMO romance RP and real romance. Ever. Its just something I personally want to see seperated 100%.

Tho I know some relationships of RL formed out of MMos and some broke in MMOs, so I know it does happen.

This is a very sensible attitude to take especially for Role Players.  I was on an RP server back in DAOC and had a lot of fun flirting with all the female toons in the guild.  What was even funnier is that I actually had an OOC discussion with one of the actual female player to make sure I knew that she was married and nothing would ever come of that.  It was a very mature and foreward thinking thing for her to do just to make sure I wasn't reading anything into the flirting. 

I of course was just RP'ing my outlandish character and once we had those ground rules understood it was nothing but fun. :) 
 

Unfortunetly there are far too many people out there (and this goes for on and offline) who take things far more seriously than they were ever intended.  This is excaserbated online as there isn't that physical reaction and body language to help some folks realize that "she's really not that into you."  (Though that doesn't stop some dudes.)  In the end the fact remains we're all still people and anytime there's a social interaction there's a chance for trouble.

I don't know if this counts... because I met my special on an advanced roleplaying forum, and she later convinced me to get WoW. Back then she wasn't my special, just a friend, and, well when I got WoW I didn't like playing with her much at the start, instead making a druid on another server and getting involved in serious drama that I don't wanna look back on. After a year and a half of knowing her, we finally, just started to hit it off...

Soon after that happened, we quit WoW and played other things and oh god... the drama started... but remember, we knew eachother for a while before this and neither me or her are normal people. Um, lets see, I'm insane and am by far a social outcast who listens to (real) metal while managing not to do drugs and being a fine mathmetician and a good writer who also happens to be way too modest for the amount of things I'm deleting under assumption that "that's too arrogant to say."

But... yeah, she and me didn't want to do the same things, I wanted to level with her, and she wanted to level ahead then help me level because I'm slow. With more games came more drama, the introduction of S4 lead to fights about fighting styles in the game dramatic disputes and even to this day small debates over what's right.

To be frank, me and her have been through more than our share of drama. Then... how come we're not headed south in our relationship?

To start... yeah... I was lucky, we both are very alike, sure, I like metal and she likes Xenosaga and other good game music, I like black gothic things and she likes white gothic things and also pink fuzzy things... I hate being left behind and she hates holding herself back or waiting for my slow ass, and I'm modest and dislike vanity... while she's vain.

But, for every difference we have that cripples relationships like these we have common ground. We both like the same types of games... for the most part, we both share the same values, despise pop culture, both think nearly the same way save the aformentioned... hell for a while I kid you not I thought she was my Twin.

Yeah, we still have our fights, which couples don't, but we respect eachother through it all. She does get offended when I lay out points bluntly as I probably would too so I have no right to complain and that leads to nasty complications... but really, I guess the bottom line of this whole post is that...

Yeah, me and my Ane-ne are in a successful relationship... even though it may not count since I met her on a roleplaying forum. One in which roleplays were written like novels, well, respectfully... so, off the bat yeah I had a huge head start...

Bleh, I know it's unorganized... my brain's dead though; the SAT killed it with its blandy bland bland bland college grammar that looks like a hack with a theserous wrote it. Don't kill me because of it though.

I got to say I Know alot of Couple's in Game's. Some don't even quest together unless they need a xtra then he or she will grab there counter part. But this is no diff then me grabbing my brother or sister when needed. There is also more then enough fight's over ppl who are just guildie's then the couple's hehe. 1 of my Guildie's found himself a Wife on WoW and there doing fine Now of corse they was like newly Wed's for 2 + years heeh u know how it is when u 1st date u want to be with that person 100% of the time So of corse when we was ddoing instance's or picking a team for the Arena PvP fight's they was also a team and of corse everyone know ahead time so we nv had to change group's because we knew they wouuld come in a pair so if u need a tank and a healer u also had them lol. I Don't see nothing wrong with it if u don't beleave in Love then life isn't worth Living. I'm a Divorced Single male and If I still beleave then u know it got's to be something.

one of the problems with why couples group together is because of the nerds in your guild tend to think its an invitation to talk to a woman 1 on 1 when their man isn't around hah

true story, i was using my wife's account to craft something in game and a guildy IM'd me (on her account) and was definately trying to spark up a conversation, I wasn't paying attention, then responded that it was me, and they logged off and didn't log back on for a few days hah

Oh jeez the threads been invaded by girls with issues! The problem is that it is too early in the morning for me to think of anything to wind them up about. :)

I know exactly where the author is coming from, In my LoTR guild there were a couple (who also had a child) who separated after about a year. Both were popular members of the guild; I personally happened to like both of them, but when they announced they were splitting, it made the game environment uncomfortable. I felt I couldn't take sides, and all of a sudden my conversations with them were more guarded, for fear I could say something that would make either of them feel uncomfortable as well.

What can one do in a situation like this? Carry on as if nothing had happened? I don't think so, but it certainly affects you in some way.

Both my wife and I are MMORPG players. One of the biggest issues we had in game was that when we tried to level together I would be faster and  quicker, partly because i can skim read a quest and multitask faster. This was an issue in that it could be frustrating, however like in any relationship you have to adapt to the other person. Now we both play a game where level is not a major issue as there is an apprenticeship solution (Age of Conan), I also slow down and wait up for her to read quests, spending the time chatting in guild. The idea of bringing relationship problems into guild chat is something that really should not happen, if we have a problem we chat out of the game, the same way you would deal with a relationship in real life.

In fact it is quite nice to know that you have someone close to talk about your frustrations in the game, to talk over how the guild is going and how annoyed you were that a ninja took your item.

The reality is that a relationships and game really are like any other situation: only though communication in the correct ways can a relationship be built and maintained. Funny that this should be the same way any relationship is maintained.

[q]''The main problem is that MMOs are social games, and the communities that form around them generally become like small towns or clubs."[/q]

For god sake, small towns and clubs. And MMO's are supposed to simulate an entire world, sometimes even worlds. And this here writer gives us "small towns" as the community.

Shit beans. Where is the feeling of cosmos that was in UO and that currently only EVE has? Communities aren't "small towns", what you visualize and quantify as community should be 0.1% of the whole community of A REAL Massive persistant world... a HUMONGOUS cosmic world, where you can once meet a french, the other day a malaysian.

And we're miserable clubs????

the paramount feeling of MMO's should be dark and borderless vastity, should be fear of the alien dark unknown.

CLUBS.

*keeps repeating it for hours*

Being that people are, you know, people, relationships form between them, in both the online and "real" world.   You get the normal relationship stuff you would with any couple, any group.  And yes, when people break up, it can be messy.

But it's messy in the real world too.  Sometimes, when couples divorce, their friends divide themselves up between the two of them, one member may leave a social group, all that.

Now that MMOs attract more different sorts of people, people get together.  I don't see any way around that.  I think groups and the people in them just have to muddle through, figuring out the best way to do things.

This isn't new, just the added thing of online group dynamics.

People always connect with each other, both personally and romantically.  Even when companies absolutely prohibited romantic relationships between their employees, It happened.

Originally posted by Drachasor

Originally posted by Ginaz

Not to contribute to any stereotypes myself,  but I think we'd see a lot more drama if the demographics of online gaming were reversed with female gamers being in the vast majority,  Having worked in a primarily male dominated profession for over 15 years (military) I can honestly say that almost all of the women I have worked with prefer working with men over women because there tends to be more drama and personality conflicts between women than there are between men or women and men.  This applies to the women I know from outside of work as well.  They all have said they prefer working with men.  I would think the same principle could apply to online gaming dynamics.

Now I will run and hide.

I have never noticed such problems myself, though I am not in the military.  As for that though, don't you think the very small number of women in the military and the highly competitive environment for them would foster competition, difficulties, drama, and so forth?  Men don't have that problem, because they know they aren't going to be discriminated against based on their gender.
 

As for MMOs in particular, I've never noticed much of a difference between men and women.  I've encountered members of either gender who are extremely difficult and add lots of drama.  Generally, people tend to overlook the fact that men and women are not that different.  Yeah, we have some VERY minor differences in brain chemistry (and no, it isn't what you are probably thinking), and some differences caused by how society treats genders differently, but despite that I have found that any significant variation between genders is generally completely overwhelmed by the variation within them.*  As a small example of this, yeah, statistically men tend to be a bit better at math (quite possibly just because of culture), but if you meet a given man or women, the gender thing doesn't make much of a difference because individual math ability is the a far more important factor.

People like to lump things together and stereotype though, so individuals tend to lump a few anecdotal pieces of evidence together and try to make a big, unwarranted, generalization.  That and we tend to say "ahh, look, men and women ARE different!" when looking at a case where the system treats them very differently, so naturally they'd respond differently (the military is an example here).

*Generally as far as significant personalty issues go.  There are some big differences in dress and so forth, but that doesn't seem to make much of a difference in terms of what kind of person one is, in my experience.

I believe that tensions may be higher between females in the work place environment and not so much between males, because of all the extra crap females have to deal with. In western society, women are still not treated equally and are still often forced to struggle to get the same respect or promotion very much more-so than a man would.

The term for that is called the glass ceiling effect.

Because of the extra struggle women have to go through, there is of course going to be more competition between women than between men who have it easy. Men don't have as much threat against their promotions or respect because they aren't discriminated against in the workplace like women are.

It sucks, but it takes time and lots of fighting for minorities to get equal rights, and although women are certainly NOT a minority, they ARE treated like one.

Originally posted by haratu

Both my wife and I are MMORPG players. One of the biggest issues we had in game was that when we tried to level together I would be faster and  quicker, partly because i can skim read a quest and multitask faster. This was an issue in that it could be frustrating, however like in any relationship you have to adapt to the other person. Now we both play a game where level is not a major issue as there is an apprenticeship solution (Age of Conan), I also slow down and wait up for her to read quests, spending the time chatting in guild. The idea of bringing relationship problems into guild chat is something that really should not happen, if we have a problem we chat out of the game, the same way you would deal with a relationship in real life.

In fact it is quite nice to know that you have someone close to talk about your frustrations in the game, to talk over how the guild is going and how annoyed you were that a ninja took your item.

The reality is that a relationships and game really are like any other situation: only though communication in the correct ways can a relationship be built and maintained. Funny that this should be the same way any relationship is maintained.

 

That's the same problem I have. I often play MMO's with both my best friend, and my nephew. I've tried before to also include my brothers and even my sister.

The problem is that I play the most, having the most freetime and computer access. My nephew and friend have to use my computers, so they only play when they're with me, and also my nephew stays up all night/day and only sleeps a few hours every 3 days so he plays without me. By the time I wake up, he is way out of my level league (my fault for actually deciding I needed to sleep to survive) but after he leaves I surpass him. My best friend is always lagging behind because his attention span is so small he can't play for more than a few hours before he has to take a "Break" because it's too "boring" even though he spends the rest of the night vegetating infront of DIGG, lol.

My brothers don't play as often as me, and my sister rarely plays. This usually ends up with a LARGE level gap, something like
Me: lvl 30
Nephew: lvl 25 or 35
Brothers: lvl 28 & 12
Sister: Level 8

Average Playable Level Range: 1-4

Unfortunately, MMO's are NOT made to encourage grouping or a multiplayer experience. MMO's are made to encourage soloing and require you to NOT have a real life.

It was only until recently that games began to include a system that made playing together more friendly, but the morons who invented the idea limited it to just ONE other person. This is great if you have only ONE person you play with. Anymore than that and you start having problems.

Fortunately games are beginning to come out that are rather

1) Skill Based- although this is still hindered by a level gap (skills are the same as levels in most games, just multiple levels instead of just one) but it does help to shrink the gap because skill gain is often the same, so both players get "equal" experience.

2) Champions Online- this game was the first to actually be intelligent enough to include a system that allows EVERYONE to become the same level. Players assign ONE "champion" and every other person can sidekick them, becoming that level.

Although EQ2 did have a similar thing called the Mentor system, it did NOT reward those lowering their level to get any real reward (Level Experience) and was limited to AA experience.

I'd like to see EVERY MMO have a system like Champions Online, where ONE group member becomes the "leader" and everyone else can shrink/raise to that person's level, and they still get equal experience. However, they need to allow players to get experience in QUESTS in addition to mob kills.

This enhances replay value, without requiring you to make 100 alts to play with each person.

Originally posted by haratu

Both my wife and I are MMORPG players. One of the biggest issues we had in game was that when we tried to level together I would be faster and  quicker, partly because i can skim read a quest and multitask faster. This was an issue in that it could be frustrating, however like in any relationship you have to adapt to the other person. Now we both play a game where level is not a major issue as there is an apprenticeship solution (Age of Conan), I also slow down and wait up for her to read quests, spending the time chatting in guild. The idea of bringing relationship problems into guild chat is something that really should not happen, if we have a problem we chat out of the game, the same way you would deal with a relationship in real life.

In fact it is quite nice to know that you have someone close to talk about your frustrations in the game, to talk over how the guild is going and how annoyed you were that a ninja took your item.

The reality is that a relationships and game really are like any other situation: only though communication in the correct ways can a relationship be built and maintained. Funny that this should be the same way any relationship is maintained.

 

Well mate, you took only one side of this. What if you are to meet inside a game and then go to the real world (instead of viceversa which i presume is in your case)? I admit, i'm in the exact situation as you are. She always stays to read every line of every quest up to the point where it annoys the living hell out of me. As for multi-tasking... let's just say that's she prefered cooking at first. Though once i started showing her around, showing her i do things, when, where and all of that she started picking up speed (not by much but at least it's an improvement). Even though, unlike you, i've never seen her in real life and even though we admit to having feeling for each other neither of us are sure if in real life this would work (not saying that we don't want it to work or that we won't try). Still, you have the advantage of having the relationship prior to the game while almost none of the MMO couples have it. This tends to create one of the biggest problems out there: cyber-jealousy. You know, stuff like "why are you sending hearts to that guy/girl!" "why is he/she carrying/showing you around (or even helping at times)?" and a lot of questions like this. Having it spill into an arguement in guild/coven/faction/alliance chat is the least of your worries actually. The biggest worry should be "What if you actually fall in love with that person (the mind, the body, whichever rings your bell) but in order to maintain the relationship you'd have to become a social hermit in the game or restrict what you do and with who up to the point where you loose interest in the game!?" I'm in a relationship right now and it is one where we met mostly beacause of my rush for knowledge in a BBG. But i'm a multi-tasking addict (so to say.... i play 5-6 games at once sometimes) while she can barely keep up with just one. Add to that the fact that i can have free time whenever i want (web programmer/designer ftw) while she has to go to work like regular people (she's a ********************.... good luck at trying to see what's under 'cause i ain't sharing) and that automaticaly creates a dispute. The main reason for an arguement (for us at least) would be the fact that one is friendly and helpful towards all 'cause then you have to be careful how you speak and to who so as not to create reason for distrust or some other, possibly bigger, problems. I admit, keeping such a relationship active, interesting and challenging (and sometimes even alive) is hard at best but then again show me an rl relationship that isn't. I've been through my fair share irl (not a kid here if that's what someone presumed in the begining) but up 'till now i've never done this (cyber-relationship) and neither has she. I'm guessing that this is one of the main reasons for which for us it's somewhat easier to make it work. But as it was stated before: to find someone you actually click with and to go from ig to irl and still maintaining the relationship means you are one of the happy cases. I admit, at first it somewhat looked and felt (dunno if for both of us but for me it sure did) like something you'd find on a dating site. But once you go from text roleplay and sex-play and nothing else but written words into a client based game where you have so much more than that (marriage system, soulmate system, apprentice system and whatever else is out there) everything will tend to go from mere word play into a semi-real life relationship. That's pretty much the point where (if you are both mature enough) realise that certain actions (and sometimes freedoms) that you did when you were "alone" now have to be either restricted or simply "banned" from usage if you want to make it work.

My advice to all of this is: don't do it! unless you actually plan on restricting your socializing skills and adapting your game play to match that of your partener or you plan on taking it to real life and more (possibly marriage irl) state it from the begining. But if you do plan on doing it then all i can say is this: GET READY FOR THE RIDE OF  YOUR  LIFE! 'Cause if you do find that special someone and it does work out then you'll be the happiest human on the planet.

Originally posted by Griffihn

Originally posted by haratu

Both my wife and I are MMORPG players. One of the biggest issues we had in game was that when we tried to level together I would be faster and  quicker, partly because i can skim read a quest and multitask faster. This was an issue in that it could be frustrating, however like in any relationship you have to adapt to the other person. Now we both play a game where level is not a major issue as there is an apprenticeship solution (Age of Conan), I also slow down and wait up for her to read quests, spending the time chatting in guild. The idea of bringing relationship problems into guild chat is something that really should not happen, if we have a problem we chat out of the game, the same way you would deal with a relationship in real life.

In fact it is quite nice to know that you have someone close to talk about your frustrations in the game, to talk over how the guild is going and how annoyed you were that a ninja took your item.

The reality is that a relationships and game really are like any other situation: only though communication in the correct ways can a relationship be built and maintained. Funny that this should be the same way any relationship is maintained.

 

 

My advice to all of this is: don't do it! unless you actually plan on restricting your socializing skills and adapting your game play to match that of your partener or you plan on taking it to real life and more (possibly marriage irl) state it from the begining. But if you do plan on doing it then all i can say is this: GET READY FOR THE RIDE OF  YOUR  LIFE! 'Cause if you do find that special someone and it does work out then you'll be the happiest human on the planet.

Yes, we did start in real life and move to in-game. And I totally agree with you that it is great to play a game with your partner.
 

I would like to point out that we actually started playing lots of WoW when we were about 2000km apart and engaged and we used the game to socialise while we were apart, however as soon as we were married then WoW was unimportant and we realised we both had begun to dislike the game. There is a HUGE difference between the game and real life and sometimes a real life relationship is exactly what you need to crook your head on straight. Playing  AoC has been positive experiences though as it encourages large groups of people to work together despite level differences.

Great article, written from the heart, and some very interesting responses

Way I see it is how you conduct yourself in real-life should be how you conduct yourself in game, maybe I'm one of those WYSIWYG kind of people, I'm not any different in-game to what I am in life, though I do go "in character" from time to time it's mostly for comic effect.

I'm still "dating" a woman I met through an MMO, 3 years in a long distance relationship (I'm British she's Canadian) has been tough on the both of us, but we are just as "close" though we were never in the ikky brigade, we grouped with whoever we wanted whenever we wanted & there was never any jealousy or stupid arguments in game, like an earlier poster said, it's all about communication, but I'll admit it was easier to play in the same group as we were often in Skype at the same time chatting away.

We were both hardcore raiders & outside of raiding & flagging up for content we would spend time on alts together one or two days a week outside of the guild for some "us" time, it worked really well, and pretty much drama-free, the guild eventually figured out we were an item but we didn't openly chat about it, we flirted, but then we were both naturally flirtacious anyway, and that continued.

I miss being in the same game with her as it did feel like it made us closer sharing the same hobby, we still chat & have plans for the future & have met up in real life but it's tough going for sure being so far apart.

Couple's in MMO's need not be sickly sweet or drama whores, they can be mature, responsible & great guildies despite being involved, it all depends on the maturity of the people, I have seen the kind of things Jaime mentions but I've seen several "good" couples too that are actually a boon to the guild, one couple basically ran everything in one guild I was in & kept it all running as effeciently as a swiss watch, if they ever roweed the guild wasn't the place they did it & that made the guild a very comfortable place, it was awkward when they divorced but they stayed in the same guild together for years as friends, so it CAN work, but it just depends on the people, petty rows & childish arguments are there because the people are petty & childish.

I met my partner online through Age of Conan. Both of us have had serious relationships before and are not complete losers. The relationship was barely planned either considering (she) particularly is extremely private online.

For me, having been a guild master for several years, I have been close to many members and have met many in real life, so in some ways, it is no surprise that a relationship would develope. Nearly two years on from when we met, we are involved in a serious real life relationship and are doing okay. The game is in fact where we get on the worst when we argue (Also with the added pressures of me being a strict guild master suddenly is not so great in an equal relationship hehe).

However online play is pretty smooth for the both of us, and although I did not plan for something like this, I am happy it did, was kinda sweet to meet that online girl  you knew for a month or two, and find out she is even more beautiful, and your connection even stronger in real life.

It can happen, it's just like real life, I have no clue why geeks are so obssessed with the idea, not to bash hehe

TH

Originally posted by Drachasor

Originally posted by Ginaz

Not to contribute to any stereotypes myself,  but I think we'd see a lot more drama if the demographics of online gaming were reversed with female gamers being in the vast majority,  Having worked in a primarily male dominated profession for over 15 years (military) I can honestly say that almost all of the women I have worked with prefer working with men over women because there tends to be more drama and personality conflicts between women than there are between men or women and men.  This applies to the women I know from outside of work as well.  They all have said they prefer working with men.  I would think the same principle could apply to online gaming dynamics.

Now I will run and hide.

I have never noticed such problems myself, though I am not in the military.  As for that though, don't you think the very small number of women in the military and the highly competitive environment for them would foster competition, difficulties, drama, and so forth?  Men don't have that problem, because they know they aren't going to be discriminated against based on their gender.
 

Ugh. I know you mean well but I really get irked when a civilian speaks about the dynamics of those people in the military. Please don't take "civilian" to be a slant against you because it isn't. It's just the social category you fall into in relation to those people in the military.

I'm in the military as is my girlfriend (big surprise eh?) and both of us agree that it is much easier to work with all males than it is with a mixture of males and females. Now I'm in the Navy so the dynamics of shipboard life differ from those of shore based commands but I believe the same general truth holds firm. Women, most of the time thru no fault of their own, simply create drama. Sometimes it's intentional, like feigning physical weakness (i.e. I'm a girl and can't do <fill in complaint>) or using their sexual...gifts to manipulate those males around them. Other times it's simply the males around them positioning for attention. Some women loath this, especially those who are already in a relationship and simply want to be left alone to do their job, but the real manipulative ones, the ones which are a cancer to work environment, crave and feed off the attention. They create so much fricken drama that it causes nothing but headaches for everyone else around them. Men will beat the crap out of each other down in berthing, go to mast and be done with it. Women on the other hand will plan, manipulate, start rumors, coerce and offer favors (usually just in the form of vague promises) to gain "control" of those around them.

Sorry. Got off on a bit of a rant there but the short of it is women are certainly discriminated against, no doubt about it, but I beleieve an equally large number of women (just talking about the military mind you) use and abuse their sexuality to manipulate those around them; which inevitably causes drama. I'm probably a little jaded but it's my opinion and there you have it.