I am a really introspective person.  I say that only to preface my point that this particular thought (marriage) loops through my head an aweful lot.  I too am like the OP save some subtle differences.  I'm 23, currently single, in excellent shape, with a solid financial foundation.  The thing that really sparked this question for me was, that at church and on the job the question kept getting thrown at me over and over.  "You're 23 and not married?"  I mean people would look at me like I was the black guy at a KKK rally or something.  I just didn't understand what the hell people found so shocking.  So naturally I thought back to my college days.  When you have a problem you research it, consider as many viewpoints as possible, and explore each option til a suitable answer presents itself.

First I called my parents who are still married (35 years as of this posting).  Now I grew up in their household and I witnessed the rage, compassion, (the ups and downs) a married couple goes through.  I even realized how hard it was to raise a "mad at the world" kid like myself.  I called and asked my father in very simple terms.  "Sir, why did you get married?"  His answer was similar to those you presented earlier.  He couldn't stomach the thought of not being with my mother - blah blah blah.  After all the mushy stuff he said something that kinda wow'ed me.  "And...I kinda wanted to marry her just to see what it (marriage) was like and if I could be good at it."  I think with all the curiosity surrounding the concept of marriage; that's actually a pretty good reason.  Sounds stupid I know but curiosity alone is a powerful thing.

When I asked my mother the question she simply replied that she felt the time, the man, and her heart were all in the right place, to which she asked me "so why not?"  She then asked that I recall an event that happened not to long ago.  At my college graduation I turned to my parents, looked them straight in the eye, and simply said Thank You.  She said the feeling you get knowing you have raised a good man (or child) brings about a feeling of such fulfillment that you are actually content with you life no matter what stage it's in.  That made sense as I wouldn't wish supervision of my childhood on my worst enemy.

I started reading head shrinker articles and all of those pointed to the need to fill a void or validate one's own existence by having a partner act as a sort of biological camcorder that makes note of the important events in one's life.  Then there are the religious bunch who feel that GOD sends that special someone to them so they aren't forced into a union; as the union is ordained by GOD. 

For now the only way I can possibly justify marriage is by weighing the pros and cons.  If the union will be emotionally, financially, and physically beneficial to each member involved then it makes sense.  But that's the catch 22, you really don't know!  I mean you can research the financial and get a good  idea of how well maintained the physical will be, but the emotionally portion of marriage is a slippery slope at best.  I have seen men, who do absolutely everything for their significant other only to have them walk out and destroy the poor bastard.  This very second I know men who have what I would view as a stable home (wife and kids) and still feel the need to cheat with no feelings of remorse.  The more and more I think about marriage the more and more it vexes me.  I suppose it's just one of those uncertainties where the fluxuation in variable change can not be accounted for; which again leads me to believe that marriage is better served for older individuals.  I say that simply because as you age, people tend to become set in their ways and are less willing to make major life style changes.  So, if two older people enter a relationship it's pretty much a hit or miss situation; whereas, younger people tend to swallow some annoyances for the sake of what they believe to be love.

A lot of what I hear sounds to me simply like a bunch of young men with their hearts in a different place.  It's completely understandable.  I know it sounds kind of cheesy but, when the right person comes along you'll know.  Now it might not be a forever girl, but when you find someone you're willing to stick it out for... you'll know.

Noone is saying you have to be together forever, noone is saying that marriage is perfect.  Like I said, marriage to me is nothing more then a government status code placed on you for tax purposes.  It also means something to many, many women.  It's not the end all of your life because you're married... and one day I have no doubt that each one of you will find someone that you'll at least live with for a while.  As time goes on priorities change.  Use your youth to make bad decisions.  I'm not saying I'm any older then any of you, I'm still young, but I've been in many relationships.. many of them lasting more then 2 years. 

As far as giving up freedoms, relationships aren't about losing freedom.  Anyone that tries to take away your friends or freedoms is not someone you want to be with.  You have to be like Cactusman when it comes to that, you put your values first, and your mate second.  If they accept that, and you can accept theirs then thats a keeper.

Originally posted by CactusmanX

I will never be married,

From what I have heard most people get married because of a combination of societal expectations and the whole concept that they feel that their life is somehow enriched.

Personally I detest the idea of marriage and relationships all together.  Maybe I am just too self important but I am completely unwilling to dedicate myself to another person, even in a temporary or casual sense.

I find relationships degrading, why should I have to go out of my way, curb my interests and thought to appease another person.

More importantly, I have a high opinion of myself, I am completely happy being with just myself, I find it sad that other people feel the need to seek some thing that will bring them happiness, also why I abstain from all drugs, alcohol, religion etc.  If the best thing in your life is outside of yourself then what does that say about your opinion of you.

Kids, I just hate them, their mere presence makes me angry, and they cost tons of money.  So why would I want to have something that I don't like and cost a fortune

maybe i will be married, but, i hate kids, but my parents like them. they told me i should do that. becuase they want to be grandparents. and i also hope i can be free forever, but my parents ask me to marry with another. and i'm now 23. they always tell me they want grandchildren. i don't know how to refuse my dear parents. maybe the marriage will great one. i don't know what it really is.

Nice post Saga, I feel the way you do on a lot of those points. Getting bombarded for not being married at 20 is kinda annoying :) I kinda see what you mean about getting married when your older rather then younger, My feeling on this differs from your somewhat, your reasons seem to be for the better of the actual marriage/relationship while my views are someone selfish I guess :) I would rather spend my youth for lack of a better phrase"Not tied down( As much =D " ) I want to do whatever I want..when I want. Selfish? Mabey, but I would rather not even take the slightest chance at complicated or possibly making this stage in my life not as enjoyable ( due to the obvious possibility of not so ejoyable unforeseen circumstances that come with a serious relationship. ) But then again i'm not going to tell someone who has their heart set on getting married, not to.....I just suggest to them look at the statistics, remember, all those people thought they way they do at one time or another. Think twice, then think some more if your making the right decision, but it IS there decision to make and to do what makes them happiest.

Peoples want to have kids when they realize that life goes faster than they want and see that it will finish some day. Then you want to left something after you, someone to teach for your mistakes, someone to continue your life. Such thoughts come with the years, around 30 maybe, but not when you are 20 or 23 years old.

On other side I still do not understand why ppls get married, even that I am , except because everyone do so and its s sign of "I want to live whole of my life with ". For me family is the greatest thing in the world so marriage give it official form, but outside of that it gives the feeling of chains sometimes.

Originally posted by freelee

Originally posted by CactusmanX

I will never be married,

From what I have heard most people get married because of a combination of societal expectations and the whole concept that they feel that their life is somehow enriched.

Personally I detest the idea of marriage and relationships all together.  Maybe I am just too self important but I am completely unwilling to dedicate myself to another person, even in a temporary or casual sense.

I find relationships degrading, why should I have to go out of my way, curb my interests and thought to appease another person.

More importantly, I have a high opinion of myself, I am completely happy being with just myself, I find it sad that other people feel the need to seek some thing that will bring them happiness, also why I abstain from all drugs, alcohol, religion etc.  If the best thing in your life is outside of yourself then what does that say about your opinion of you.

Kids, I just hate them, their mere presence makes me angry, and they cost tons of money.  So why would I want to have something that I don't like and cost a fortune

maybe i will be married, but, i hate kids, but my parents like them. they told me i should do that. becuase they want to be grandparents. and i also hope i can be free forever, but my parents ask me to marry with another. and i'm now 23. they always tell me they want grandchildren. i don't know how to refuse my dear parents. maybe the marriage will great one. i don't know what it really is.

your parents know whats best for you.

if she's hot enough, you can chain her down with some kids.

her body does go through a metamorphisis however. kinda the reverse of the caterpillar to the butterfly.

but as years go by, assuming genes are capable, her body will go back to almost the butterfly.

take a look at her family photos before embarking would be my advice.

watch out for the thorny caterpillars.

kids are great, at least so far. my oldest is eight.

Being single or being in a relationship, neither make you happier than anyone else by themselves.  They're trade off's.  Both have positives and negatives- but on the most basic level; being single is being lonely and to be with someone is restricting...  each to varying degrees.

      I decided to get married about 3 years ago when I met a young Filipina from Zamboanga. For anyone who know's where that is.. your are either a geographical genius or have been there. Many people asked me why I want to deal with immigration and the social differences between a born and breed redneck and a very passionate Filipina. Iit boils down to one thing. Complimentary nature. Sometimes when your very fortunate you meet someone who compliments your nature so much you want to replicate that process for a long period of time. Mind you marriage is just one means of this replication.  I understand friendships and casual relationships can do so but the proximity that marriage necessitates was preferential to me.

    It saddens me when people get married who don't compliment each other because in the long run they run into all the issues the statistics the OP stated. Id assume almost 9/10ths of those who get married do so out of compulsive reasons. Be that culturally or circumstantial seems a moot point to me.

    Complimentary marriages, which often last decades basically impliment a process which combines two memes into one. When that happens, the combined capacity of those two people is... Amazing. Thus the old saying behind every great man is a great woman.

   Now to counter though there are people who just dont compliment anyone or never find that right person. I just dont think they should get married. Anywho thats my quick thoughts on marriage. Pardon my grammar. Im writting a report and writting this at the same time from work hehe.

Remember people, Divorce is expensive.  The 100% sure fire way to avoid being raped in US family courts is to not get married. 

Marriage is just really nothing more than a socialogical phenomenon created to mask our innate, sexual impulses.  It has nothing to do with love, but is more created by societies to set "defined" parameters of how human behaviour should be controlled and monitored within their respective areas/countries/etc...

Nothing wrong w/ marraige, but just realize that marraige is a sociatal "indoctrination" to fit in to your respective clan/tribe/city/country/etc...  Hence it is a programmed socialogical phenomenon created by an agreed upon cultural edict, and hence becomes "tradition" to the point that it is considered as part of "right or passage" by nearly all cultures/people/nations/etc... 

I suppose what I said about marriage could apply to anything in society, because right from birth, human life is a subjective indoctrination (and one wherein an idividual has little choice in that matter).  Since societal conditioning starts from birth and is a process designed to prepare you for "membership" phase of your life (normally around your 20's)... the question here is marraige that necessary or important once and individual perceives his/her world beyond the "membership" phase of his indoctrination...

To me marraige is just a societal process... i won't get married becuase I need to grow up, or believe behind the childish eyes of "Love"... I'd get married if there was a tax break involved... for me marraige is just an extension of a utalitarian function of mating and sex.. albiet it's dressed up as "civilized" and "domesticated" by culture so that "sex" is demonized and turned into the "holy" santity of marraige.

my 2 cents.

As with anything, marriage is a system of good and bad things. People claiming that marriage/love/etc. IS one way or the other are just full of it. Sure, there are people who follow society and its trends around blindly, but for those of us who actually think about ourselves and the world around us, the reason(s) to get married and/or have kid(s) ends up being different for everyone.

For me, I didn't mind being alone and focused only on myself. But I wanted to develop myself beyond "me." There's something to be said about bringing another person into your life and holding them there tightly in your arms. Sure, there are fights between myself and my husband, and being newly married we're still pushing each other on things to find a middle ground between "me" and "him," but there is now a "him" in my life. There's someone who is now a part of my family, who balances out parts of me that aren't quite as strong, and who lets me balance his weaker parts out as well. It's like riding a seesaw... yes, you can ride it alone and still have fun, but riding with another is fun for different reasons.

As for a kid, I think it'd be fun to have a little me/him. And if the little me is anything like what I was, I'll be VERY busy  Sure they're a lot of time and money, but really... so what? It'll be a new journey and adventure.

  The odd thing is I had the opportunity to go to a place where marriage is actually entirely unknown to the locals. Yet they had the exact same meme. Just under a different set of customs. It seems to me Marriage or at least pair bonding is inherent to some species. Albeit with exceptions which seem to help the whole. 

  The funniest thing I see happening with youths these days are competitive marriages. Talk about assinine. 

I've been married twice.  Each time I have felt that she was "the one."  My personality is very loyalty oriented.  Years of military school and the military probably probably beat that into me.  Combined with my Catholic background, I was screwed once I found "the one."  I was compelled through unconscious teachings residing in my mind that I must get married.

I could go on about happiness, what marriage and divorce and re-marriage have meant to me, but won't.  I will try to keep things simple.

Kids came about for me because my second wife desperately wanted them.  It's that simple.  I had no clue what I was getting into.  Kids are one thing I feel none of us are prepared for in life.  We think we are, but once we have them, they completely change our world.  You either adapt or your life will unravel.

I will tell you why single people say they are "happier."  It's very simple:  Their lives revolve solely around themselves.  It is a lot easier to make yourself happy when you don't have to make a spouse and kids happy too.  Being married with children is a lot of work.  Very little of that work you would actually do if you were single.  So, like I said before, you either adapt and make family life fun, or it will tear your happiness apart.  You will think that it is the marriage that is failing, but the reality is that it is your own personality that failed.

Finally, I will tell you the last marriage and kid secret answer to the question many wonder.  You may be thinking, "Dae says all this stuff, but how do I know I have a personality that can handle marriage and kids?"  Well, the answer is we don't know.  I know may people think they know, but the reality is that they don't.  Not for sure.  Here lies the reason for so many failed marriages, particularly once children enter the mix.  Children can literally kill your inner-self if you let them.  Once you see this happen, you feel like there is nothing you can do to save your "self".  Once again, you either adapt or your marriage and parenting experience fails.  I can say that you can be happy, married, do things you love, have good sex, and have crazy children.

First of all... don't let ANYONE pressure you by saying "You need to marry..."  Anytime someone starts a sentence at me with "You need to..." I shut them out right there. 

You know what you want in life...

Now on a side note...  One day you'll see her...then BAM, Love at first sight...  You won't be able to stop it.  So... Enjoy life while you're single, and enjoy it when/if you find your true love.  Both are just fine.

Originally posted by Shadowhand

Ok, first off, I am not married and do not have children and do not have any plans to do either at this point in my life. This thread is to discuss the reasons behind marriage and having  kids. Why? Well why not? :)

I'm trying to find the truth, without letting regret, bad decisions, or people trying to convince them selves they  "made the right choice" get in the way.

I am currently 20 years old. I was born in Tampa florida, Bodybuilding is my hobby, I am not to my knowledge unnattractive, so my view on this might be someone different then someone elses., And for the record I am perfectly content to have everchanging girlfriend status. I moved to a rural town in S.C.( at age 15)( am moving to the city with in a month ) .The first thing I noticed was how early people get married here, I mean litteraly its unusual to see anyone above 20 who is single. Then I began researching marriage online for a school report( and partially because I thought I was "odd" Not caring about getting married or having kids. What I found greatly suprised me. Statisticly and of all ages, Singles apparently are happier in almost all aspects. It seems singles/no children are Happier with there freedom, achive greater success in there chosen career, More often to do spontaneous/adventurous activities,and to my surprise stayed in better physical shape ( Wanting to stay attractive for the opposite sex ) and have a better sex life. While over half of the newlyweds under the age of 30 get divorced, And if they happen to have a child the percentage of divorce rises a considerable amount. And seem to be much less happy with the things I mentioned above.

With all these statistics, I wanted to find out WHY people got married and had kids. What I dug up was comments like "Being in love is a beautiful thing, Having my child was the best thing that ever happened to me, We all have to grow up sometime.) While there words seem to be sincere that they are very happy, and confident in the decision they've made everything else points the the opposite. So why do they get married/settle down? Personally I think most of them begin to feel stale in a sense and think marriage is"the next step" in there lives. Or they feel like marriage will make them complete as a person. Is it the way we were brought up? In my honest opinion, for whatever its worth, Times have changed....for the better or worse they have changed, Society no longer frowns upon the singlet. In fact most movies are about single people falling in love, No one seems to care about a movie where a married couple of 30 years lives there lives. One reply  on the reasons FOR getting married said, Would you rather be alone for your entire life? And wake up one day and realizing your going to die with no one beside you. Well i'm not alone at all for one. And for the other unless you and your spouse plan on dying at the exact same minute, dying alone will probably happen anyway. Other people have asked the question "why do people get married" on various websites, and a lot of the replys I've seen, although answer the question with  there opinion, also seemed to be attacking the asker.

And children, One kinda idiotic reason for not having kids is the world is overpopulated, althought I think that might be a good reason NOT to, it doesent answer my question. Kids in this day and age on average after they graduate college the total cost of having that child is around $100k( If they go to certain colleges, more then that . Not to mention your freedom ( I know some will say " I have a child and I still have freetime") well like or not, with or without regret, you have lost some of your freetime. Career in mind, If you get an greatly improved job offer in a different country, first thought is "Are we going to put our kids through this?" Not to sound onesided or anything, But the single person can pack up and move at any time for any reason ( even for simply just feeling like it.). I also get the feeling a lot of births are accidental, and the parent(s) seem to try to convince them selves that "ii'm actually better off now, or "I'm very happy with my child", " I still have the same amount of free time as before and i'm still do all the things I used to". I'm curious to find out how many births a year are accidental.

Now some may ask what is the alternative to settling down? Well the obvious other choice is...dont. Being a bodybuilder I certainly feel confident in the way I look, I love going to parties/nightlife ( wich is where I meet a lot of likeminded people ). Being the year 2008 I see nothing wrong with this lifestyle. I saw where someone said ( everyone has to grow up sometime ) If you need a spouse/child to help let grow up, then you need to grow up =).

And of course there are exeptions to everything I mentioned, As there are exeptions to just about EVERYTHING in life. Mabey some people feel forced to get married as means to get out of a bad homelife with there parents. Or people get married for financial reasons. Mabey they were raised with certain religous or family beliefs. Or mabey they got pregnant and had to get married, Or yes, mabey they wanted to get marred from the bottom of their heart.

I absolutley love my life style and I love the type of person I am and who I am. I wake up everyday and love every minute of it. Mabey i've reached a point in my life where I can say something most people can never say, I'm happy to be me. this thread was not intended to make me sound self conceited, I simply let you know how I felt about myself. and my views.

Open for replys! the one thing I ask is, as i've seen with other post, someone quotes a certain sentance in a thread and then attacks it, this thread is meant to be read as a whole, each paragraph is in relation to the others, each sentance adds to what i'm trying to express as a whole thread.

 

LONG LIVE MMORPG.COM!!!!!!

Hmm ok ill bite.

I see you like to party and date a lot thats cool i did too.It also sounds as if you never want it to end.

Next time you go to a club or bar or whatever find the guy who is mid 40's or so and is talking to all the pretty young girls.Look at the reaction of the girls towards they guy old enough to be their father.

You do NOT want to be that guy.

All i can say is that if you WANT to be single the rest of your life have at it.

BUT you better be making a lot of money and SAVING it because NOBODY is going to watch out for you if your 80 years old and single.

It isnt about growing up its about being responsible for yourself and not having regrets.It is also about having a GOOD  life full of meaning.

When you get older and look back at this time in your life will you regret it?I regret most of my 20's the only thing good about it was meeting my wife(married 15 years).All my socalled friends at the time are all but gone to me as i dont talk to them anymore whatsoever.

Currently loving life and loving watching my daughter grow up and spending as much time with her as i possibly can.

Sounds to me like your looking for a reason to stay single.Only you can really answer that 1.

When you meet a girl and feel you want to have babies with her, you will understand. Or she will convince you

I live alone, that's not a good way to live, trust me. edit: I mean at an older age, you are still too young to form a family. Wait 7-10 years.

Marriage and children work for some people

For others not so much

I don't think their is a real right and wrong with either, just a choice, and either can lead to a happy life.

To the OP...

I'm 42, and I've never been married.      The longest I've been in a relationship is 2 years.  

At your age I was convinced that I wanted to remain single for a very long time (if not forever) .   I subscribed to the adage "variety is the spice of life".   

Meet a girl be on your best behavior, convince her you were the best thing since sliced bread... shag her and then conjure up some crazy story on why you can't see her anymore.   I think you are looking for some kind of validation for your life style.  But as a middle aged man looking back, let me warn you about one thing.  Regret.   It has a way of stalking you like nothing else.   Regret builds up over time and eventually it feels like you are dragging a wet mattress behind you, the rope attached to your neck.  On that mattress is every callous remark and broken heart that you have left behind.   You'll forget  names of girls who wanted to spend the rest of your life with you.   Oh sure you'll have fun.    You'll have great stories to tell at bachelor parties, and every man in a crappy marriage will envy you, but one day you'll wake up and all you'll have to choose from is the 30 gigs of porn on your hard drive and a bottle of lubriderm or the woman who was married to that unhappy man you met at the bachelor party  (and her 4 kids from 2 separate marriages).   

So from my perspective, I can't recommend the single lifestyle for the long term.   My advice:  If you must sow your wild oats try to do so without being a prick to women.    Go clubbing to get laid, the girls there expect one night stands.    But don't stop looking for the real thing, and give it plenty of time.    Don't worry about children.   If you are ever lucky enough to find the girl of your dreams that question will answer itself.

When I was 20 I left the only girl I ever loved because the temptations of the single life consumed me.    I've regretted that decision every day of my life for the last 22 years.

Originally posted by ValiumSummer

To the OP...

I'm 42, and I've never been married.      The longest I've been in a relationship is 2 years.  

At your age I was convinced that I wanted to remain single for a very long time (if not forever) .   I subscribed to the adage "variety is the spice of life".   

Meet a girl be on your best behavior, convince her you were the best thing since sliced bread... shag her and then conjure up some crazy story on why you can't see her anymore.   I think you are looking for some kind of validation for your life style.  But as a middle aged man looking back, let me warn you about one thing.  Regret.   It has a way of stalking you like nothing else.   Regret builds up over time and eventually it feels like you are dragging a wet mattress behind you, the rope attached to your neck.  On that mattress is every callous remark and broken heart that you have left behind.   You'll forget  names of girls who wanted to spend the rest of your life with you.   Oh sure you'll have fun.    You'll have great stories to tell at bachelor parties, and every man in a crappy marriage will envy you, but one day you'll wake up and all you'll have to choose from is the 30 gigs of porn on your hard drive and a bottle of lubriderm or the woman who was married to that unhappy man you met at the bachelor party  (and her 4 kids from 2 separate marriages).   

So from my perspective, I can't recommend the single lifestyle for the long term.   My advice:  If you must sow your wild oats try to do so without being a prick to women.    Go clubbing to get laid, the girls there expect one night stands.    But don't stop looking for the real thing, and give it plenty of time.    Don't worry about children.   If you are ever lucky enough to find the girl of your dreams that question will answer itself.

When I was 20 I left the only girl I ever loved because the temptations of the single life consumed me.    I've regretted that decision every day of my life for the last 22 years.

 

 

I think you missunderstand me :) I'm not living this life style to "sleep around" as it were, or have "variety" , as if my whole goal in life is to have random sex,I was simply pointing out studys have shown singles have better sex, Thats not my life tho, My lifestyle is about unprecedented freedom ( with anything ) if I want to move to Japan tommorow, I can. You said you thought It sounded like I needed some sort of validation to my life style. That defeats the whole purpose of my post, I think people should breakaway from needing validation from others for what you truely want. Even the extremely small and pointless things, like what kind of music to listen to because its "normal" ( yeah its off topic but you get the point )

From what i've seen most of the people who have replied to my thread ( and to my surprise in PM's ) who have agreed with me were single, and those that have other opinions, are / have been or intend to  get married in the near future.

I totally appreciate the honesty in your post, From what I'm seeing newlyweds seem to be flooded with young girls getting married because their friends are doing it and they don't want to be left behind ( Is'nt this the future generation of single Moms?). Also :) Of course the circumstances might be unknown to us. Since I made this post last year, A friend of mine has gotten married and divorced.  Now, contrary to popular belief, this may sound corny as hell, But I do believe in "true love" as it were....yeah that did sound corny. But I also think its so extremely rare 99% of people never find it. Is it worth pursuing? Thats up to the individual. Do I wanna be "that" 89 year old guy with a cane hunching over while hitting on 24yo girls at clubs? Yeah I'm in a band now, but do I wanna be the 89 year old bald rocker still pumping devil horns taking excedrin during breaks? Of course not, at that point id rather be dead ( no i'm not joking haha ). But in my eyes its just as sad to see old men going out to "hang out with the guys" just to get away from their wives. Both sides of this story essentially end the same to me, its up to us to choose the path. I'm not saying anyones wrong, I was just expressing the way I viewed it. You see long-term singles as people who end up being sad lonely people riddled with regret. I see married people as I've stated. I guess I'm living in the "now" Not living my life so I'll be happy when I'm 85.

I'm sorry if I came off as a "prick" to you, I was never trying to. It just it seems "Taboo" to talk about what we REALLY think, not what other people want to hear. So I'm saying what I really think hehe. Its the whole cookie cutter lifestyle choices ( including marriage ) , doing it just because its normal. Thats part of the point I was trying to get across. To the comment way up the page, Asking me if I would regret not getting married when I was older, finding out my choices only left me wallowing in regret, I can pop that question back, if your marriage goes bad, and you then feel like you wasted your youth, will you regret it? What I've learned from this thread, is there seems to be no definitive answer to the question, to get married or to not. Also, I loved the comment by you Faxxer, "You know what you want in life....." This can be said on behalf of someone getting married, or not.

heh.. sounds like me when I was 20.  In a band, juggling multiple girlfriends, never wanting to be married.  Funny how much 18 years later will change a persons attitude.  I didnt start feeling old until I was 33, came right after I ruptured a disk in my neck.  I guess I felt invounerable for most of my life, that injury was a slap in my face.  Not to mention, seeing many of my friends only a few years older than me getting ill with cancer or suffering different flavors of lifes hardships.  Im 38 now, and Im nothing like I was when I was 20.  I know I had too much of punishing myself, so I turned my life around and started thinking more of other people in my life than myself.  I think life would be a wasted journey to travel alone.

Unlike most people I see in this thread, I dont regret anything I did in my life.  The countless drugs Ive taken, the 3 times I overdosed, or waking up passed out in strange apartments after partying.  As I got older and have seen 4 of my close friends pass away,  one from cancer, 2 suicides and one car wreck, I asked myself the question "if I died today, what would I regret".  My answer was always having children.

With that said, I got pretty lucky 2 years ago.  I met someone.. after I thought I was that creepy older guy trying to pick up younger girls at night clubs or whatever she came out of nowhere.  She's much younger than me, but we're both gaming freaks and share a lot together.  We plan on starting a family this year.  Her parents are young enough to enjoy grand kids for a good portion of their lives.  My parents, they live quite a ways from me but will also be extremely happy to see our lineage grow. 

enjoy whatever life is throwing at you, just letting you know that you'll change.  In some way, you'll change.  20 years old, thats too damn young to think about marriage or kids anyway.  You need to be going out, experiencing ..."things" and having fun :)

I do have something to say though, your post is laced with the fear of failure.  You're right, divorce rates are high.  I think the chances of you dying are a bit higher though.  If you're avoiding relationships because you're afraid of failing at them, I  guess thats one way not to become a statistic.