General Discussion

Ok, first off, I am not married and do not have children and do not have any plans to do either at this point in my life. This thread is to discuss the reasons behind marriage and having  kids. Why? Well why not? :)

I'm trying to find the truth, without letting regret, bad decisions, or people trying to convince them selves they  "made the right choice" get in the way.

I am currently 20 years old. I was born in Tampa florida, Bodybuilding is my hobby, I am not to my knowledge unnattractive, so my view on this might be someone different then someone elses., And for the record I am perfectly content to have everchanging girlfriend status. I moved to a rural town in S.C.( at age 15)( am moving to the city with in a month ) .The first thing I noticed was how early people get married here, I mean litteraly its unusual to see anyone above 20 who is single. Then I began researching marriage online for a school report( and partially because I thought I was "odd" Not caring about getting married or having kids. What I found greatly suprised me. Statisticly and of all ages, Singles apparently are happier in almost all aspects. It seems singles/no children are Happier with there freedom, achive greater success in there chosen career, More often to do spontaneous/adventurous activities,and to my surprise stayed in better physical shape ( Wanting to stay attractive for the opposite sex ) and have a better sex life. While over half of the newlyweds under the age of 30 get divorced, And if they happen to have a child the percentage of divorce rises a considerable amount. And seem to be much less happy with the things I mentioned above.

With all these statistics, I wanted to find out WHY people got married and had kids. What I dug up was comments like "Being in love is a beautiful thing, Having my child was the best thing that ever happened to me, We all have to grow up sometime.) While there words seem to be sincere that they are very happy, and confident in the decision they've made everything else points the the opposite. So why do they get married/settle down? Personally I think most of them begin to feel stale in a sense and think marriage is"the next step" in there lives. Or they feel like marriage will make them complete as a person. Is it the way we were brought up? In my honest opinion, for whatever its worth, Times have changed....for the better or worse they have changed, Society no longer frowns upon the singlet. In fact most movies are about single people falling in love, No one seems to care about a movie where a married couple of 30 years lives there lives. One reply  on the reasons FOR getting married said, Would you rather be alone for your entire life? And wake up one day and realizing your going to die with no one beside you. Well i'm not alone at all for one. And for the other unless you and your spouse plan on dying at the exact same minute, dying alone will probably happen anyway. Other people have asked the question "why do people get married" on various websites, and a lot of the replys I've seen, although answer the question with  there opinion, also seemed to be attacking the asker.

And children, One kinda idiotic reason for not having kids is the world is overpopulated, althought I think that might be a good reason NOT to, it doesent answer my question. Kids in this day and age on average after they graduate college the total cost of having that child is around $100k( If they go to certain colleges, more then that . Not to mention your freedom ( I know some will say " I have a child and I still have freetime") well like or not, with or without regret, you have lost some of your freetime. Career in mind, If you get an greatly improved job offer in a different country, first thought is "Are we going to put our kids through this?" Not to sound onesided or anything, But the single person can pack up and move at any time for any reason ( even for simply just feeling like it.). I also get the feeling a lot of births are accidental, and the parent(s) seem to try to convince them selves that "ii'm actually better off now, or "I'm very happy with my child", " I still have the same amount of free time as before and i'm still do all the things I used to". I'm curious to find out how many births a year are accidental.

Now some may ask what is the alternative to settling down? Well the obvious other choice is...dont. Being a bodybuilder I certainly feel confident in the way I look, I love going to parties/nightlife ( wich is where I meet a lot of likeminded people ). Being the year 2008 I see nothing wrong with this lifestyle. I saw where someone said ( everyone has to grow up sometime ) If you need a spouse/child to help let grow up, then you need to grow up =).

And of course there are exeptions to everything I mentioned, As there are exeptions to just about EVERYTHING in life. Mabey some people feel forced to get married as means to get out of a bad homelife with there parents. Or people get married for financial reasons. Mabey they were raised with certain religous or family beliefs. Or mabey they got pregnant and had to get married, Or yes, mabey they wanted to get marred from the bottom of their heart.

I absolutley love my life style and I love the type of person I am and who I am. I wake up everyday and love every minute of it. Mabey i've reached a point in my life where I can say something most people can never say, I'm happy to be me. this thread was not intended to make me sound self conceited, I simply let you know how I felt about myself. and my views.

Open for replys! the one thing I ask is, as i've seen with other post, someone quotes a certain sentance in a thread and then attacks it, this thread is meant to be read as a whole, each paragraph is in relation to the others, each sentance adds to what i'm trying to express as a whole thread.

LONG LIVE MMORPG.COM!!!!!!

And please, no self defending flames, I'm not attacking you, I'm just expressing my views.

I got married last month at 25. We were together for 4 years prior.

People are different. People can change. You're only 20. I look back at the person I was at 20 with a mix of embarassment and humor.

While you can imagine yourself forever staying dedicated to weight-lifting and your appearance, you may find yourself growing tired of it. Or maybe not. You just don't know the future. Your priorities may change in 5 or 10 years.

As to why, I think you'll only understand why people do it when/if you meet a person that you can't imagine your life without. You haven't met that person yet, which is perfectly understandable at 20.

There's also the aspect of how friggin tough the world can be. It will throw a lot of curve balls at you, ones you can't possibility see coming. At those times, it can be a great comfort to have someone with you that fully appreciates the emotional impact because they have been through it to and they share the burden. Its not really a romantic notion, but having someone to contribute financially to the household doesn't suck. Signing car loans and mortgages is scary stuff. Knowing it isn't all on you alone makes it a little easier. Splitting up the responsibilities helps, too. You might not have a full idea yet of all the crap there is to juggle as an adult, but you'll get there. You gotta be knowledgeable about insurance policies, investments, loan contracts, managing credit and debt, home maintenance and repair, and at all times be your own advocate in everything.

My husband commented the other day that he feels like he's a different person since we've been together. He's found a reason to care about his job, to learn more about retirement plans and investments, to be more responsible with money and credit, to drive more safely. It's helped him mature now that there is another person his choices will impact. Those aren't things he aspired to care about when he was 20, either. He's really proud of himself for making those strides and it's that much more fulfilling to know that I notice and appreciate it.

For me, somehow, just knowing that my husband is going to be going through life with me makes the world seem less daunting and lonely. Someone to lean on that doesn't have one foot already out the door can make a big difference in your life. Its hard to appreciate that until you've been through that situation. It's especially meaningful for me coming from a family that wasn't particularly interested in each other's lives. When that person is someone you love and have a lot in common with, it's actually kind of exciting to go through challenges together.

And bluntly, sex is a lot more fun when you can shed the anxiety and nervousness of rotating partners. Everybody has something about their appearance that they are self-conscious about. The freedom that comes with knowing the other person isn't judging you, or even likes your flaws, is indescribable.

Yea, being able to relax and be comfortable with yourself because you aren't constantly having to prove you're the skinniest bitch in the room (or the most cut dude, whatever the case may be) does free up a lot of time and stress. Instead of dieting, I can play MMOs with my hubby and scarf down junk food without guilt.

In the name of full disclosure: I never was a typical teen or 20-something. I don't drink, smoke, or get high. Bars have never appealed to me. I did date, never cheated, but got cheated on. I always knew I wanted to get married eventually. Everyone is different, ymmv.

As for kids... neither of us want any. Our parents are all very upset about it, but we just don't. We kinda hate kids.

Good honest reply! =) I might have missunderstood but did the world seem like a daunting lonley place to you before you got married? Mabey thats because you never went out to bars/typical teen stuff ect :) Go out tonight and get hammered ass drunk!!! But seriously I do appreciate the honesty in your post.

I will never be married,

From what I have heard most people get married because of a combination of societal expectations and the whole concept that they feel that their life is somehow enriched.

Personally I detest the idea of marriage and relationships all together.  Maybe I am just too self important but I am completely unwilling to dedicate myself to another person, even in a temporary or casual sense.

I find relationships degrading, why should I have to go out of my way, curb my interests and thought to appease another person.

More importantly, I have a high opinion of myself, I am completely happy being with just myself, I find it sad that other people feel the need to seek some thing that will bring them happiness, also why I abstain from all drugs, alcohol, religion etc.  If the best thing in your life is outside of yourself then what does that say about your opinion of you.

Kids, I just hate them, their mere presence makes me angry, and they cost tons of money.  So why would I want to have something that I don't like and cost a fortune

I'm actually turning 25 in a few months and I've been engaged for a few months.  We've been together for almost 3 years, and I've known her since high school. We've been living together for 2 years.

No immediate plans for kids but we plan on a few before 30.  I'm not unattractive, in fact I would think myself much the opposite. 

That being said, there are difficulties to my decision to Marry.  I plan on a long engagement.  There are good and bad things about being married as I'm sure you're aware of.  Sexually, as a man, yeah variety is exciting, and I can't really say being with the same person for so long is considered exciting... and becomes less so the longer your together and sex takes a back seat to stability, exhaustion and the future.

If I wanted to base my entire happiness on sex with my partner, then of course I would end up in divorce.  I enjoy spending time with my fiance a great deal, and i always have.  Getting married is a healthy an legal medium to show her how much I appreciate and care for her.  Personally, getting married is nothing more then a legal formality.  I already know that we'll stay together for as long as we both see fit, and we'll both work to make our lives better together.  To find someone thats willing to put that much work into a relationship is someone you don't want to let go of... someone you know will be good to have children with, and spend your life with.

Yes I do sometimes miss the idea of having other partners.. especially when you know others are interested.. it's tempting... but really what that boils down to is just one night.  If you're truly happy with the person your with, then that happiness can extend to every night.... or at least 3 weeks out of the month for most men :)  .  So sure, I could be single and sleep around... but really.. to me.. it's just empty in the end... finding someone you love and care about enough to stay with is by far the more rewarding scenario for me.

Good post man, again i'm not attacking you, I just have a quesiton out of curiosity. Looking at the overwhelming stats of divorce, Dont you wonder how many of those divorced started off thinking exactly like you do? This is the one, I want to spend eternity with her ect.   That sounds harsh but i'm not intending it to  be, its just honesty :) I mean obviously they thought they would not get divorced.

Originally posted by CactusmanX

I will never be married,

From what I have heard most people get married because of a combination of societal expectations and the whole concept that they feel that their life is somehow enriched.

Personally I detest the idea of marriage and relationships all together.  Maybe I am just too self important but I am completely unwilling to dedicate myself to another person, even in a temporary or casual sense.

I find relationships degrading, why should I have to go out of my way, curb my interests and thought to appease another person.

More importantly, I have a high opinion of myself, I am completely happy being with just myself, I find it sad that other people feel the need to seek some thing that will bring them happiness, also why I abstain from all drugs, alcohol, religion etc.  If the best thing in your life is outside of yourself then what does that say about your opinion of you.

Kids, I just hate them, their mere presence makes me angry, and they cost tons of money.  So why would I want to have something that I don't like and cost a fortune

You are a funny funny guy.  Hey I totally agree with you though at least on one point. Happiness should begin with the contentment to be onesself and should never come from an outside source.  I don't drink, do drugs, and I'm not very religious, but those are all personal choices.  To find happiness in yourself is truly a gift.  The love of others is also a gift.  One that does not discourage your original position of being self-content. 

I don't need someone to be happy, but someone can make me happy.  That in itself is an accomplishment that has no societal traits put against it.  I think even a rock could use some moss now and then. 

Also, just a thought, if you're in an MMORPG forum you must like games.  Wouldn't you think a video game would constitute as a distraction of happiness that would just as easily substitute for drugs, alcohol, or a religion?   Just wondering...