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Isolation 5/18/08 4:24:38 PM
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Novice Member
Joined: 2/24/08
The god of man is a failure. |
So, I wrote several poems for Creative Writing class for a project. I just thought I'd post them. I know alot of them are a bit cliche and boring, but I decided to wait until the last minute to write all of these, so I was up pretty late... I'd appreciate if people gave me their honest feedback, and make any negative criticism somewhat constructive. Thanks. If Only It Were Enough “I Am:”
The one itch on your back
That you can’t seem to reach.
The chip in your throat
That suffocates your lungs.
“That one depressed kid,” Whose voice isn’t audible. Held Captive By Your Eyes… by your voluminous gaze Trapped by the comfort you give me Sorrowful as I see your grief consume you Hopeful for I wish to be your cure Shameful at your rejection Broken as I yearn for your sweet embrace
This bread (your body)
has grown stale.
I taste nothing,
And I feel your light
does not shine upon me.
“Oh Lord,” I cry out in despair,
“Why have you left me here alone,
When I am in need of your guidance?”
No response is given,
So I’ll change my drinking habits,
From water to wine.
For every chapter
I read of your book,
The more discouraged I am
That I am reading between the lines,
Not fully knowing how to live
While trying to listen
To an answer I can’t see.
I feel there may be no hope for tomorrow;
Noah’s Ark will not save me
from this ocean of sorrow…
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Man1ac 5/18/08 4:57:10 PM
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Apprentice Member
Joined: 1/11/07 |
Uhm, I think your first one is sorta confusing but nevertheless you've done a pretty good job for a last minute job lol. The last poem may be offensive to some I think but thats just me. The main issue I think here is the subject all your poems are about, too much sorrow mate I feel depressed now |
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Isolation 5/18/08 5:00:02 PM
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Novice Member
Joined: 2/24/08
The god of man is a failure. |
Eh, I guess I'm not much of a happy person. What helps me cheer up is always a laugh I guess. Just watch something funny! :D |
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pyrofreak 5/18/08 5:11:35 PM
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Advanced Member
Joined: 7/01/04
Everything is better with explosions. |
Isn't this stuff meant for livejournal or myspace, not mmorpg.com? |
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Isolation 5/18/08 5:28:07 PM
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Novice Member
Joined: 2/24/08
The god of man is a failure. |
Originally posted by pyrofreak It's called "off-topic." Yes, normally this would be for websites such as that. But I'm free to post whatever I'd like on this board as long as it's not hateful or discussing illegal activities, which this is clearly neither of the two. |
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mike470 5/19/08 12:53:19 PM
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General Correspondent
Joined: 2/11/08
"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand" - Randy Pausch |
Isolation, we haven't seen your dark-sided posts in around a month. As long as you don't make me too depressed, it's good to have ya back lol |
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| “The contents of this post do not necessarily reflect the views of MMORPG.com and its management.” - The one quote I thought I would never have to say. In memory of Laura "Taera" Genender. Passed away on Aug/13/08 - Rest In Peace; you will not be forgotten |
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Techleo 5/19/08 4:36:41 PM
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Advanced Member
Joined: 7/25/03
Is it over yet... |
The last one is a wonderful reflection upon how so many people feel. Its ironic the same texts can inspire such a opposing reaction. Mind you the opposite poem is just as valid. |
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Rajai 5/19/08 5:08:05 PM
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Apprentice Member
Joined: 3/26/07
Dong, where is my automobile? |
I didn't think any of them were cliche or boring, i usually write the same kind of poetry but they're hidden deep in my myspace blog |
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| The most naive thing that I've ever heard is that we're alone in the universe. |
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Blomi 5/19/08 5:12:54 PM
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Novice Member
Joined: 3/26/08
President of what? |
Needs more cowbell, IMO. |
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| 98% of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% who hasn't, I bet you drink coffee/alcohol and take aspirin but think you've never done drugs. |
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Techleo 5/19/08 5:55:10 PM
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anyone got any happy poems to put me back on a neutral level?
