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Samhain's Zergwatch

Samhain's Zergwatch is a blog that started in 2006 on a different gaming community server and has since evolved into www.zergwatch.com, a place to gather my twisted thoughts on the whole mess. Explore the oozing underbelly of gaming with me.

Author: zergwatch

Forum Warz Review- Web based MMORPG for forum trolls

Posted by zergwatch Tuesday March 4 2008 at 8:44PM
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Crotch Zombie's Forum Warz is a web based MMORPG parody game.

In Forum Warz, character creation starts with avatar creation. Excre-Bot 5000 takes you through a series of questions to determine a suitable starting avatar. Avatar creation in Forum Warz is genius and spot on because each of the three times I  ran through the steps to create an avatar, it paired me up with Jimmy The Re-Re, a cross eyed, overweight cross eyed <censored> of a fellow with snot dripping out of his nose. Like I said, spot on.

You immediately start the game with a virtual support operator, Shallow Esophagus was designated to assist me through the opening walk through. It was almost like Mr. Esophagus was some long lost stalker, because he knew everything about me, he even knew about the animal porn.

So I create my Forum Warz avatar, stealing my name from the arrogant English <censored for MMORPG.Com>  Yahtzee, Garreth <censored>gobbler as a level 1 Re-Re.

My first mission was to infiltrate the Denture Chat message board. Unfortunately as a Re-Re, my only two abilities were Drool on Keyboard and Bash Keyboard with Helmet. I spot my target thread right away.. What’s a better Denture Adhesive? toxic waste or ejaculate? After a slight struggle, I pwned the thread, but my ego was hurt a bit, so I took the on screen advice and bought some drugs so I can be better prepared for my next mission.

After pwning the crap out of the Denture Chat forums, I leveled up. ZOMG, I pissed off the old farts. No longer am I a re-re, but I'm am not gracefully Less Retarded and now able to pick one of the three Forum Warz profession classes, Camwhore, EmoKid and Troll. I like to roleplay so I was thinking maybe EmoKid or Camwhore would have huge RP potential, but I went safe and chose the Troll class.

Troll Class Description:
The Troll’s limited (but seemingly unlimited!) secondary attribute is Douchebaggery. This can be replenished with an unhealthy or even — God willing — lethal combination of testosterone supplements, paint thinner and Norwegian grind metal.

Emo Kids Class Description:
The Emo Kid is exactly who you’d expect: a whiny little <censored> who takes over forums by making everyone so miserable they’re compelled to leave. Suffering from perpetual teen angst, the Emo Kid turns otherwise agreeable forums into dumping grounds for her depressing rants, false-alarm suicide notes and side-splittingly morbid poetry.

The Emo Kid’s lifeblood, fueling her anguished existence, is a steady flow of Tears. These are easily replenished with eyedrops, eye irritants, or just a good old-fashioned flogging.


Camwhore Class Description:
The Camwhore is an extreme narcissist who requires constant ego validation. She’s the girl who was called "pretty" one too many times as a kid, and now needs to reinforce her self-worth anytime something with a lens — webcams, human eyes, small municipalities in the Swiss canton of Valais (pop. 3,470) — is aimed at her overly made-up face.

With her secondary Sexiness attribute, the Camwhore derails forums with post after post of pouty, doe-eyed stares and exaggerated cleavage. And if she’s really feeling frisky, she can get your <censored> arrested on kiddie-porn charges.

At this point, you can also choose a new avatar. I gave up the snot dripping emo fag and chose a toilet bowl full of piss, but played it safe again and went with the middle finger.

This is where the fun part starts. Templating your Forum Warz character. I chose my free You Little Shit Starter Pack and complimented it with Text Atax, Level 1 Evil and of course Level 1 Douchebaggery.

Forum Warz is a browser game that emulates the traditional MMORPG we all love with an action bar, xp grind, repetitive quests and carrot chasing.

Anyway, if you can't see where Forum Warz is going then you should probably get back to leveling up your Runescape character and suckle mommy's <censored for MMORPG.Com> because you're obviously not ready for Forum Warz.

Like other MMORPG's, Forum Warz players can form and join Klans. At the time of this writing, the largest Forum Warz clan was the mighty Fruit Fuckerz while Team AWESOME had the most Forum Warz cred (xp), while Phlegmatic held the top player spot for Flamebaiters.

Forum Warz for the short time I played was a pretty fun alternative to my out of game past time of IRL forum trolling and a nice break from searching YouTube for things like "Man getting hit by car" and "Ghetto Girl Fights".

If you are a true forum troll, the only browser game for you is forum warz.  I found Forum Warz a very entertaining, funny and sometimes hysterical game that not only true forum trolls can appreciate, but those who have been trolled upon can also enjoy.

Jimmy_Scythe writes:

Finally!!!

A game for /b/tards and other inflamed, perpetually bleeding human orifices!!

Wed Mar 05 2008 2:53PM Report
Jacique writes:

Thanks for the info -- I signed up after reading it.

Actual forum trolling ain't my thing and yet I find the game v. entertaining, as described.

It has amusing content and is a lot more visually animated than most text-based browser mmorpg's.

Also, the RP section of its official forum (Flamebate) is wildly hilarious.

 

 

 

Thu Mar 06 2008 10:35AM Report

MMORPG.com writes:
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