Hello again my little ducks.
It has been a long time since I have updated my blog but there is a very good reason for that. You see I have been given superpowers that destroy all known computers. What's that genteel reader? You do not believe me ah? Well.......Read on and prepare to eat your respective hats because your uncle Spookydom is going to tell you the whole sordid story.
It began one dark and stormy night in November...........Ok, when I say dark and stormy it was quiet a pleasant day if not a little fresh, and when I say night I mean more like mid afternoon....just after lunch. There I was minding my own business when I received a text message from a friend of mine. "Why wont you talk to us on WoW?" I think the key and fundamental reason why I wasn't talking to him on WoW was because I wasn't playing it at the time. In fact I had been un-subed for a few months. "Cor blimey!" I exclaimed "I have been hacked!" So while my friend informed a Blizz G.M, I got promptly onto customer support, did a complete scan of my computer then changed my password, email e.t.c e.t.c. I didn't find any viruses but that means nothing. At this point I realised that I couldn't get into any of my email accounts either. It had to be a keylogger of some kind. I found it in my Java directory. Apparently it had come from a keylogger and exploit kit that I had picked up from the online streaming site T.v Shack. After cleaning it out I realised the nice hackers had left me some game time on the Blizzard Behemoth and decided to have a go. "There we are" I said to myself. "All is right in the world....Of Warcraft" I was wrong. The next day I was hacked again and this time my account had an authenticator on it. Phoned customer support who where very good and cleaned it all up instantly. But where in Satan's portion was the keylogger coming from? The Blizz customer support man sent me an email about how to clean up your system. Followed it all to the letter, bought or downloaded all the recommended cleaning software. Took hours. After I finished I rebooted my computer. Bang! Pop! "Fire!......Oh my god! Save the women and children first! I am to pretty and talented to be very badly burnt in a fire!" I overreacted a little maybe but the long and the short of it was that my computer exploded. I still do not know what caused it. Could have been the virus, could have been the registry cleaners, could have been the fact that I scrimped and saved for years to buy that computer. Built it myself and had to lovingly hand craft some of the parts from cheese or soap. This is what pisses me off with people who hack. Sometimes it really effects peoples lives. If I ever get hold of them they are in big trouble. Check this link. http://www.jack-the-ripper-tour.com/jack-the-ripper-suspect-montague-john-druitt.htm This guy is my direct ancestor on my fathers side and a major suspect in the Jack the Ripper murders. If it was him then I would say what I will do these guys will pale in comparison;)
BRAINS THE SIZE OF PLANETS!
After taking it round to some of my boffin friends who have brains the size of planets and all the social skills of a baboon on crack, I was told the prognosis was not good. The motherboard had blown up, the hard drive was shot and several important things on my graphics card where kind of crispy and smelt like bacon and the tower itself looked pretty damn post apocalyptic. All in all it would be much cheaper to buy a new computer. This is a bummer for several reasons. I had just started a new business that is souly reliant on me owning a half decent computer that works. I had everything riding on it and I didn't have any bloody money. To keep the business afloat and earn enough money to live I had to work all day and be seen to be working. Not to mention that I just lost about six months worth of work and was locked out of many of my business email accounts. I had no backup and I was in trouble. Then I had a brainwave....Oh! that could probably do with it's own headline.
As I was saying, I had a brainwave. A few years ago I had to return something to a catalogue that I never replaced. They did owe me a bit of cash. What I really wanted was something with a long guarantee and good customer support. What I got in the end was pretty good for the money and from a reputable high street brand. Quad core, 8 meg of ram and a half decent but dated graphics card and Windows seven. Also picked up a four year extended warranty. "Sweet!" I thought. Nothing can go wrong now. But yet again I was wrong.
So I had my new computer. Everything was going fine. I was playing WoW again and having not a bad time of it. Doing lots of work and even selling some of it. This lasted two weeks. One morning my new computer would just not boot up.I can not open it myself as it will void my expensive warranty. I phoned customer service and was put on hold. The call centre was outsourced and when I got through the conversation went a little like this.
Rep - "Hello you are through to &^%$ What is your name?"
Rep- "My name is Sam" (The guys name was clearly not Sam)
Me- "My name is Dom, Hello Sam....Listen I am on a pay as you go phone..."
Sam- "Hello Dom, how may we help you today?"
Me- "Listen Sam I am on a pay as you go phone and have been on hold for half an hour. I think..."
Sam- "You wan't to buy a phone?"
Me- "No Sam, I am just about to run out of phone credit, Can I give you my number and can you phone me back?"
Sam- "We do not sell phones"
Me- "I know Sam, I have a problem with my new computer and I need you to phone me back so that I can get it fixed"
Sam- "I'm sorry but I can not help you. We do not sell phones we sell computers"
Me- "I know Sam, I have one of your computers. I just bought it and it has a fault. Here is the serial number. (Give him serial number). I need you to phone me...."
Sam- "We do not sell phones"
Me- "I'm running out of...."
Credit on my phone runs out. That call just cost me £25 for just over half an hour. I am a little angry. But nonpulsed I scamper two miles to a friends house so that I borrow his phone as it only costs Ten pence an hour from his landline. I have never set great store by phones and have not really used them much over the last few years due to cooler things like Skype and Msn and the fact that I mostly hate talking to anybody. I really regret not owning one at this point. When I finally get through to customer service again they agree that I most definitely do have a fault and should send it in for repair at once. They give me details about how to contact D.H.L and arrange a pick up. I phone D.H.L who unfortunately because of the snow in my country and the fact that it is close to Christmas will not be picking up any parcels until further notice. I log my order and they tell me they will contact me when my order can go through. A very frustrating month passes where I have ninja'd myself into friends houses so I can use their computers to work and I have heard nothing from D.H.L regarding the waiting list I am on. I am loosing money and reputation hand over fist. I phone again and they tell me they have forgotten me and to make it up to me they arrange a same day pick up. So the computer go's into be repaired at last. There is no television in my house. Who needs one when you have a computer? I remember thinking. I catch up with a lot of reading in this time.
THE RETURN OF THE PRODIGAL COMPUTER
After a week and a half my computer is returned to me at 6am, Just as well I never sleep. Can't express to you all how relived I was to have it back. According to the repair report the attending technician had re-seated the ram and the c.p.u. That struck me as a bit strange. C.p.u's just don't fall out. Must have been a manufacturing fault. Anyway, for the next week I have fun catching up on work and playing all the games I have so missed. I installed my copy of Cataclysm that had been sitting on my shelf since December the 7th like an unwanted Christmas present. As it turns out it has ruined the game for me which I was already somewhat bored of. So now it has gone back to sitting on my shelf....Like an unwanted Christmas present. Everything was fine for that week. Then one morning I turned it on and it would not boot again. Just like before.
"HELLO MY NAME IS SAM"
This time I used my friends phone first time, Then I got back in touch with customer service and spoke to an old pal. It was Sam but he did not remember me. I was a little miffed but that's bye the bye.;) He assured me his most personal assurance that this time my computer would be repaired and I would not have any problems with it for the foreseeable future. I have to admit that when he got going he fully convinced me the smooth talking bar steward. So once again and a week later than it was returned to me to my computer went in for repair. At this point my housemate lent me his old laptop so so I could work. I have to say that this laptop is only slightly more powerful than A Sony walkman from out of the 1980's. I was grateful though. Also my bad run of luck continued as my housemates laptop's hard drive died. He blames me for it and want's me to replace it. At this point I am beginning to wonder if there is some kind of techno curse upon my personage. Maybe placed there by some kind of Techno-Witch. You have to wonder.
So I got my computer back yesterday lunchtime. Wicked Cool! This time the repair report stated that they had replaced the c.p.u and updated the bios. They had even given me a small upgrade free of charge. I was also given a steam key for Star Trek online by the boss of a website I work for to say thanks for all the hard work under difficult circumstances. What a nice thing to do. Things where looking up. I beta tested S.t.o from day one and really fu^&ing hated it. Have to admit I had a blast playing it last night. I thought I deserved one night of gameing freedom. Was looking forward to playing again today after work. Got up this morning and powered on my computer. You guessed it. Not booting again with the same fault. I have to say I am absolutely furious about it now. Two times is kind of understandable but three times with the same fault inside as many months? When I got through to customer service I gave them the wrath of Dom. (It was Sam I spoke to again by the way.) He assures me that time he will make sure a senior technician will work on the repair. Senior technician? What kind of retards had been working on it before? So I am kind of undecided as to what I should do next. If I send it back or make a big deal about them replacing the unit. Money back is not an option as there is no way I can afford a replacement to the same standard of parts and I am paying on instalments and in the meantime, my business is going down the toilet. Any advice you guys have would be appreciated as always.
THE MORALE OF THIS STORY
Never lend me your computer. Never buy a computer from Dell or Acer or any of them. They are built and maintained by total retards who odviously take no pride in their work.
So do you believe I have super powers of computer breaking now? I can't believe it is all down to bad luck. As a wise old Jedi once said; "In my experience there is no such thing as luck." Sorry about the big QQ as well. But sometimes it's good to let it all out and a blog is as good a place as any. And as always, I never expect anybody to read my entries anyway, especially a big wall of text like this one. But if you did manage to get to the end a big thank you for reading. Will be back for another one soon and hopefully with my own computer. There are much worse things going on the world than this inconvenience after all.
Stay out of trouble you crazy kids!:)