Gordon’s right, MMOs are a lot like women and, *stretch*, you might say that I’ve been around the block once or twice. Yes, I’ve tapped on many a keyboard and wiggled a fair share of mice in my day. But, when we’re talking gaming, it’s all about the risk. Before we can get sweaty at our keyboards, there’s something that must always come first. The introduction.
First dates are usually a little awkward. You order the steak before finding out that she’s a vegetarian. She picks her teeth when she thinks you’re not looking. The works. But, if all goes well, you might find yourself a love to last you the through the night. Or at least the next year.
Only a few of these firsts stand out to me now. Let’s see…
World of Warcraft: Ah, sweet lady WoW, how you vex me. Spoiler of other
women games. Like a limbo stick, you set the bar low. But…. you dressed up all pretty and made me like it that way. You came on strong pulling kobolds from your cave but it was your look that really hooked me. Sure, you wore a little too much make-up and your mascara was a little smeared but you wore it with style. And when you let me into you Ragefire Chasm on the first night, WoW, you turned a boy into a nerd through and through.
Warhammer Online: Now here’s a game that really makes you wonder. A party girl, she was, and at her best in big groups. The first night, she hooked me with her humor. What with her dwarves in barrels and catapulted orcs, she was the life of a party filled with drunk people. When the people left and daylight hit, the night before’s beauty left and I was left with an old woman that smoked one too many cigarettes. Just like Seinfeld, WAR was a beauty in one light and a hag in the other.
Lord of the Rings Online: LotRO was a big woman. I mean, this chick had an expanse you couldn’t belt a boom-a-rang around. Still, she had a kind of beauty about her. The first time I scaled her mountain, I did it as a dwarf. Except, I kept running into the same three goblins over and over again. Sure, she talked too much the first date when all I wanted was a little action but I got a story that made me come back for another date the next night. LotRO’s the kind of date where you think you’re done and decide to go back for one more later in the week. Thankfully, this baby got back and makes it worthwhile.
Aion Online: Before I met Aion, I spent a lot of time getting ready. I wanted to look my best, but I admit, part of me wanted to look really bad too since I’d just come off a rocky string of game-ationships. There was something about her that reminded me of WoW. Too much makeup, maybe. Or maybe that she wore the same damn dress as her. Either way, Aion had class. She didn’t let me down her boss the first night. She made me wait and at the end of it, baby, she gave me wings. Yeah, sure, maybe I just used them to eye her up a little better on the next couple dates but still. You don’t turn down the milk when you’re holding the cookie. She’s on a trip right now but when she comes back, she’s coming back for good and we’re talking about getting an apartment together. The only problem is what to do about that third faction…
So, there’s a few to last you through the long night. Me? I’ll be going back to LotRO. She’s got the girth to earn her worth and that’s enough for me. Besides, we’re not monogamous. I bought the lifetime with her and it’ll keep me coming back until that weight problem gets to her. You know the sad thing? I don’t even want to help her with it. I like my games big.
How about you, do you remember any of your first dates?