Spouse Aggro!

I blog at www.spouseaggro.com, write for www.ablegamers.com, run www.mmovoices.ning.com and post all over the net. HOWDY!

Author: beauturkey

I have always tried to predict where the developers of Darkfall might take the game, but they have done a nice job of throwing some curve-balls out there. Let me point out first that I am not currently subbed to the game and I want to wait for ataril to play it again. I had my time with the game, (a few months ago I spent a month in game) and enjoyed it to a point but was thrown off by the few bad apples that are allowed to be openly bad apples. If you have a party and allow fighting, maybe one percent of your visitors will fight. But, those very fewoccurrences of violence will ruin everyone elses good time.

 Having said that, it doesn't take a huge fan of the game to see that they are doing nice things, and are taking their time to do it right. Well, they are attempting to do it right, but mistakes will happen. But, like I always say, if they don't make mistakes they aren't trying anything new.

 My friend Jay Jay the Wonder Biscuit recently posted about new expansion talk for the DF world, and it looks awesome. More mobs out in the world? That would be good. The place was as dead as a doornail a few months ago.They are listing more improvements on top of that, but the out-in-the-world mobs turned my head the most. The game was so barren that traveling was an exercise in staying awake, and when you finally found a random mob, they acted so similar to each other that you would rather run away that fight another boring fight. So, the mobs in the world thing alone would bring me back.

 I think the developers are doing wonderful things, but let me list some things that I think will always stand in the way of Darkfall:

 1) The open PvP: This is not a bad thing, and in fact delivers exactly what the developers promised. It's not that PvE'ers will stay away because they are scared of getting pwned and looted (loot meant nothing when I played, and still means nothing. Players just run around naked in many battles.) but they are scared of being bothered. It's not more complicated than that. It's not scary when some kid jumps around in front of your vision in the hopes of being hit by you, or when his name "420NaziHumper420" or "GayTard34" is stuck on your screen, or when you might be in the middle of doing something actually fun only to be attacked and killed by a group of 3 other players, and it's not the "death penalty" because there is absolutely none (the game is a MMOFPS essentially, you die andrespawn/die respawn/die respawn) it's the simple annoying feeling that open pvp brings. While the game is beautifully rendered and has amazing lighting and shadow effects, your sense of immersion is immediately broken when a player named "BlackC*k" decides to follow you around. For an hour. There is nothing hardcore in a PvP system like this, it is actually about as hardcore as a hardcore rock show, meaning that it is really justa bunch of boys rubbing against each other.

 2) The system requirements: While it does not take a super-computer to run the game, it does take a pretty beefy one. The shadows and effects simply must be on to really see how pretty this game is, but that takes power. I ran it well enough on this larger PC, but my 2 and a half year old one didn't do it. It might seem obvious to require the latest hardware to run your game, but one look at how successfulWoW is (or Wizard 101 for that matter) will show you that lower system requirements means more machines that can run your game. More machines equals more players.

 3) The lack of a trial: This will probably come out at some point, but a simple 10 day trial will not only bring new players to the game but will bring the game out of the "indie" closet. More trial players means more reviews/blogs/podcasts about the game, and more buzz. I will promise you that the most common "buzz" around this game is about how most of the players listen to Nu Metal bands likeGodsmack and want to "rape" other players.

 The good news? The developers of Darkfall don't seem to care that anyone else thinks. They are making a game for this very small, very male community. That's fine to me, and in the end the game really deserves more praise than it gets. It is fantastic looking, is veryimmersive and so far the developers have proven that updates will be frequent enough and great.

 But, if you compare this game to EVE (another "pvp" game that is actually not a pvp  game) you can see why EVE is succeeding, and how similar the two games are.

 a) Both are "open PvP", but in EVE there are places you can go to get away from those annoying players.

 b) EVE looks great, but gives you options for graphic quality. Even on low settings, however, the game looks good. Darkfall on low settings looks...well, it looks like Darkfall on low settings.

 c) EVE has a trial, and a good one at that. While both games are accused of having a "big learning curve" (one of the biggest lies about both), EVE explains themselves and their game whileDarkfall can be clunky, with bloated controls. 

 So, good luck to Darkfall once again. I think the game developers are being smart in growing the game slowly and accurately. They are squarely pointing their sites on a very specific group of players (white boys, age 17-25,pvp'ers, fans of bad metal) but have been attracting players outside of that group. My friend Jay, for example, likes good music and doesn't even have a goatee! (Wait, do you?) It's nice to see a game doing what it said it would do, and I will be sure to play it some more in the future. I enjoyed it quite a bit when I played, and feel that it might actually be one of the closest games to come to a reallyimmersive experience, but I just don't feel like bothering with more annoying players.

 Beau

As if anyone could not guess as to how I feel about it.

First of all, WoW is far behind the times. They still have very few features that most games out there do have. This is another example of them catching up to 2005. Still, the game is fun and runs wonderfully, so congrats to them.

Here are the main problems players have with the pets being sold for 10 dollars:

1) They already pay for content, to the tune of 15 dollars a month and 50 dollars per expansion: For some reason, many think that this cost of 15 dollars a month and 50 dollars for an expansion should be the measuring stick for what all should value. Who are they to say? I am not sure why they think this. What about server transfers? What about sex changes, dual accounts or limited edition goodies? Are these somehow not "extra content" that they paid for?Expansions are not forced OR needed, they are OPTIONAL CONTENT.

2) They think that a mount or a new area to explore is real content, while a pet is not: An expansion equals real content, and should be paid for by all. A pet is not real content, and should be given away for free.

I actually DO agree with the idea that a pet is not EQUAL in value to an EXPANSION filled with new lands and new quests. But that does not mean that it does not hold that much value for SOMEONE ELSE. And, WoW knows this. That's why the expansion is 50 dollars while the pet is 10. Players seem to think that raiding is somehow included in the cost of the game, yet they are setting that cost to INCLUDE THE EXPANSIONS. The expansion were extra content (pets are too) that cost extra (just like pets.)

That's all there is to be said. This subject is so old that even I am tired of it, and I LOVE to argue about it. WoW players: the rest of the world is cool with this. The game will go on, and you will not unsubscribe. You will keep playing, and will probably break down to buy one of the pets. After all, unless I am mistaken, aren't they for CHARITY? No one will make fun of you if you buy it, and no one else's game will be effected, just like when you buy that extra account, that limited edition (to get IT'S pet) or when you spend an extra 400 bucks to make your connection AND your PC faster.... speaking of real money advantages.

You will continue to sub, I should say, until the expansion comes out. Then, guess what? You will spend an extra 50 bucks on that content (just like the pet collector did.)

So, you spend money, you get some fun.

They spent money on a pet, and got some fun.

There is absolutely no difference. Nothing game-changing or destroying.

Ok, I need to shower.

Beau

First things first.

Is Free Realms no longer going to be completely, totally and absolutely 100 % FREE? It never was in the first place. And if you made your CHARACTER (not account) before Nov 1st, nothing will change for you: you can mostly play for free but would need to subscribe to gain access to all the other stuff. Same deal as before.

Second things second: go read the official post. Carefully.

Now, what does this mean? Basically, all players new to the game after this update will have to pay a sub to play the jobs above level 4. Erm, 5. You know what I mean. How many of us, though, have already not only made a character before November 1st, but also have played the game? Heck, I still play the game. In fact, I will bet that most protests come from people that never really played the game, called the game "kids stuff" and laughed at it, or thought that the game sucked. In other words, the SOE bashers will have another reason to use the letters "NGE". I have already witnessed it.

But, read the blog carefully, and you will see that two of the jobs will remain 100% free till the end: "Characters created after November 1st, 2009 will be able to play all jobs up to level 5 and Adventurer and Card Duelist all the way to level 20. These characters will also be able to advance through all of the Pet Trainer trophies and earn the exclusive pet."

This means that Free Realms is about as free as many "freemium" games. I don't like it, but I think that they might, JUST MIGHT, be looking at sub numbers and player trends from sources that we are not. SOE has made a lot of dumb decisions in their life-time, but HOW dumb? Nothing so insane that it stopped the company from producing high-quality games, with more coming out? How many years do they need to be around before people recognize that even surviving, mush less doing well, in the MMO world is hard enough to qualify you as a success? And like I said on one of our shows: if they aren't messing up once in a while, that means they aren't trying anything new.

But, to the point: Free Realms, semi-misleading name or not, is fun as hell. It's a great collection of games, activities and "things-to-do." And look at the updates! All of the new items and activities blend so well into the world that it seems as though they had them made before the game ever came out. The costumes for Halloween were incredible! The 4th of July fireworks brought nostalgia to my stomach!

Free Realms, with it's brand tie-ins and "schemes" to get you to pay money (as though they are fooling your feeble mind with Vampire "glamouring") is what it is: a high quality game that can be enjoyed for very, very low costs.

That's it. A super cheap, fun game. Like Wizard 101, Mabinogi, or many other games that actually still give you a ton to do for free, but give you options to pay. Kind of like that expansion or downloadable content with the games that are actually making you pay 15 dollars a month.

Personally, I am so thrilled about the housing. The mini-games can kind of take you out of the world a bit, and housing will give it a depth that other MMO's have, that "living in another world" type of depth. Congrats, SOE, consider me excited.

Beau

I haven't played Vanguard: Saga of Heroes in a few months. To be honest, I have missed it for quite a while but had to take some time to reset my main character, Rikoo, after he "died" a perma-death and was deleted. It was a fun chapter in my "Immersion Project", but not one I want to repeat again. Perma-death would work in a game that had it built in from the very beginning, and even then it would have to be something less of a permanent death, and would leave some traces of your character behind. In other words, it would really be just another kind of temporary death, and one that allowed the passing of skills or gear on to another character.

But I did re-roll Rikoo with the exact same look and class as the original. He is around level 12 or so and will be back to his original level 32 in no time. I am not sure if I will continue to level him after that or will stop the leveling by using the "no XP" spell that Vanguard provides, but I will cross that bridge when I come to it.

I joined the "National Novel Writing Month" when I saw a Twitter friend mention it, and for the last few weeks I have been writing a rough draft of the story in my head while on dog walks. Dog walks are one of the best places to write or to conceive a story! I plan on writing about Rikoo and his further struggles with his feelings on death, using his friends and adventure buddies as sounding boards. There will some adventure, and some violence, but I am mostly looking forward to writing about characters that I have had floating around in my head for a long time. There will be Burtimus: the ageless humanoid that helps Rikoo admit his feelings, Luperza: the mage that dabbles in some dark matters, Lealah: the Goblin that kicks a lot of butt, and Grup: the healer that snaps Rikoo back to reality.

I will be using the Vanguard universe as my back-drop, but will not be mentioning any in-game names or places. I will use more vague descriptions as to avoid being sued-as-Hell by SOE, but to any player of the game it will be obvious what I am talking about. To those that don't play, I hope it will be entertaining.

Anyway, I need to write near 1500 words per day, which equals most of my blog posts, so I need to get writing.

Wish me luck, and although I will be blogging it will not be at the normal rate, I think. Instead of 5 or 6 per week, it might get cut down to a few per week. NOTE: I decided after posting this to make a category for the writing in this project, and if you click on the "novel" category, you will be able to follow my writing as it goes along. It is November 1st as of this writing, and I will be posting my first part today. I will edit it as I go along, and I am open to any suggestions! Thank you for reading, and thank you for your patience during this not-so-normal month fro Spouse Aggro.

*pulls out pen and paper*

Beau

 As I prepare for writing a 50,000 word novel in November, I am considering what kind of speech my characters will use. I am setting the story in the Vanguard: Saga of Heroes universe loosely (no copyright infringement or ripping off text from the game) but I want the story to have my own touch to it.

 Spouse Aggro #90 "Random Good Stuff"

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Ah, the coming Winter. Times of chimney smoke, crinkling wrapping paper, late nights with coffee. And gaming, too. Go hang out in a snowy area of your favorite game, go make a virtual snowball and kiss someone with a blast of ice to their arm.

We talk about gaming, True Blood, and Twitter. We have been so busy yapping about so many games, and working on many gaming projects, that we felt like doing a fun show. That's right, a fun show. Tell us what you think!

Write us, or send in a segment. Call the phone line and leave a comment: 972-535-8867

Enjoy!

Send emails to spouseaggro at yahoo dot com.

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The Turkeys

 Something has happened to me lately, and I am not sure why. I have started to play many of these browser based/low-system requirement/"kids" games more and more lately, to the degree that I played games like Ryzom or Vanguard. I started to wonder if I were having the same kind of fun as I did with the more "serious/adult" titles as I did with the "kiddie" games like Mabinogi, Wizard 101 or Faunasphere.

I am fascinated with how people perceive their gaming. Hell, I am fascinated with how people perceive anything being that life is filled with conflicting examples of something that is "serious" (Star Wars) compared to something that is "for children" (Where the Wild Things Are.) But gaming is such an integral part of my life, as well as the communities surrounding gaming. Actually, I am more into the community aspect of these games than the games themselves a good deal of the time.

So, I just wanted to list some different games and consider why they might be considered a "kids game" or not. I am sure that in the comments I will get conflicting opinions (Star Wars is NOT kids gaming!) about what I write:

1) Star Wars Galaxies: Considered an "adult" game. Why? The graphics, at one time, were considered pretty state-of-the-art. Also, Star Wars is considered "adult" science fiction (I think?) while a movie like, say The Labyrinth, is considered "for kids." In my opinion, the setting of Star Wars is more of a fairy tale than almost anything out there. If you want "adult" science fiction, at least go with Star Trek. That universe is more based in the "science" part than Star Wars. Star Wars is really pretty silly, when you look at the races and main characters. The game had some allure to more "adult" players possibly because of the complexity of some of the systems, and the choices the game provided (and still provides. )

2) Wizard 101: Within one year, Kingsisle gained 5 million players to this game! I can see why, it's a fun game with a surprising depth to it. The story is fun and the action is intense even though it is turn-based. When I visited Kingsisle a while ago, I was so happy to see such talented adults working on such gloriously "childish" things. I watched (and you can see in that video) as animators brought cartoony mounts to life while on the walls hung Fan-Art done by 7 year olds. I know more adults that play this game, although I admit to not exactly corresponding with children on a regular basis. Still, the developers are very aware of their player-base, and it's nice to see everyone having such a good time with the product no matter the ages of the players. What makes it so sticky with adults? I am not sure. The graphics would normally scream "kids game" wouldn't they?

3) World of Warcraft: I am going to wager that this game is played mostly by players over 18. I don't play it, mainly because it is a game with some of the least "to do" out there. In fact, WoW is about as basic as gaming comes, and even the raiding is not more complicated than a good boss fight on a console game. The graphics are actually more childish and cartoony than many F2P games, and the customization is very limited. Why does this game spark such raging passion in it's adult community, then? If it's not that complex, not that deep and not that hard, then why? My guess is that, for most, it is just really really fun. It IS a fun game. Hell, it's a BLAST. The raiding is easy to get into, and the game runs on anything. In a word, it just works. This has attracted many gamers that never would have played before, and with those large numbers you get many more types/different ages of players. Also, the game is popular and has built on it's own popularity. If you have ever downloaded new music to listen to, it more than likely happened because your friend said it was good.

4) Mabinogi: Almost everyone I show this game to thinks it is a kids game, even after seeing how deep the game is. This game has more depth and more things "to do" than pretty much any game out there. I think the graphics turn off many from this game, yet many of them will gladly go right back to WoW which has the graphics of a Cartoon Network show. It's so strange that graphics, or certain styles, can turn off some players because they are just a smidge different than what they normally like.

5) Faunasphere: When asked, the developers told me that the game was played by mostly females between 25-50 years of age. Yet, look at the graphics. It is a flash based cartoony game that allows you to control little animals that destroy pollution with beams of light. The more I play this game, the more I am surprised not only with how much they have achieved with Flash, but by how much the game asks you to do. The other day I was asked to go do (what I thought was) a routine mission, and found myself within a rainy instance fighting a giant monster! It was thrilling! The players of this game probably wouldn't consider this a "kids game" or an "adult" game, and I can see why. This is one of those unique games that floats between genres, play-styles and age ranges.

This blog was fired off by someones comment on one of my blogs. (I can't remember which one.) They said they were in their 40's, and talked about games with "annoying kids." That's strange, being that there is no way to tell someone's age in game, and that there are plenty of jerks from all age ranges. Still, attaching "kids game" to a title can be pretty harmful or can say the wrong thing about the game.

After all, I got news for all of us over 20-something: we are adults. Complaining about kids in an MMO is like complaining about kids at Disney World. Gaming, while not restricted to "young people" only, is something that children do. If your hobby (as mine is) is gaming, then you need to consider it the same kind of hobby as collecting beanie babies, playing dolls or having dirt clod fights. There is nothing "adult" about gaming, minus material that is not suitable for children.

This is not a bad thing, though. During my visit to Kingsisle, I got to see how glorious it really can be when adults have a little fun and be creative. Also, it is always nice to see adults not worrying so much about what genre their game might fit in. As adults, there is nothing funner than letting go of our adult worries and vices for an evening of playing house or playing adventurer. I would love to see all games weighed on the same level playing field, despite being considered for different age ranges.

Now, before anyone comments, I might be seeing these divisions more because I am deeply involved with many communities. I am sure that my vision might be a little clouded by what I read everyday. And I am not interested in these divisions simply because of some need to break them down. In fact, I am fine with calling certain games "kids games" and considering some games "adult games." I am interested in these divisions because many times the math doesn't add up, there is no one measure (besides adult content) that consistently shows if a game is "for kids" or not. Some of the most popular games in the world, casual games, are played by adults yet are nothing more the on-screen equivalent of a colorful, interactive mobile.

Taking "Where the Wild Things Are" as an example again, isn't it considered one of the most successful "childrens books" ever because of adults that still enjoy it and buy it for their children?

Beau

I have been involved in the gaming community/communities for several years. I have become very familiar with many developers, have become friends with some, and have been able to travel and write for many good people. I am telling you, if there is one hobby/part-time job that will allow you access to it's inner-workings, it's playing MMORPG's. Needless to say, after these years I have a pretty good feel as to what the community, spread throughout hundreds of games, does and feels. I am not claiming to be anything but a good estimator, but I pull from quite a few sources. And let me tell you, game to game to game, the community acts in pretty general ways.

Here are some myths that, if judging only by certain game sites/forums/blogs, spell out doom for the MMO industry. First of all, let me say that a good general rule (one that most community managers know about) is the 1 in 10/ 10 percent rule. That rule says that only about 10 percent of your population visits forums, writes about your game, or gets involved with the community. You will find variations on this rule, but it's usually about the same everywhere. A site like mmorpg.com represents that 10 percent, spread throughout many games.

1) A game has failed once it has reached a certain number of players: No, it hasn't. A game has failed when it cannot be played. As long as a server is open, that game is doing more than thousands of games that never got to the point of release. Also, if the game had a several year run and then got down to 10k players, consider the entire history of the game or you are only looking at a small part of the picture.

2) MMORPG's are less innovative than the games of the past: Actually, they are more innovative than ever. If you do not think so, you are only familiar with a few or several larger games. Saying this would be like judging a genre of music based solely on it's most popular artists. I would like to say that Hip Hop, for example, does not innovate. But that would be stupid, considering all the garage-practicing Indie Hip Hop bands that will be the next generation or are busy playing live.

3) MMORPG's are less fun now-a-days: This usually comes from some blogger or podcaster that...get this..does not play those older games anymore and instead plays games that are out now. It might sound cool to call yourself a "vet" (despite MMO's short, short, short history) and to think of the original EQ as the best game ever, but I for one do not want to go back to one hour loading times and bug ridden horror-fests.

4) Loot didn't matter back then, and communities were closer: If you think that a player that spent 2 DAYS raiding after a nice sword was freer with his love and his gold than a player that was able to get his in several hours in a less buggy game, then you either very naive, very naive or very naive. Just because we had to sometimes rely on other players for buffs or transportation does not mean that every time you went up to a player providing a service he or she went: "Hi there! I hope all is well, would you like an absolutely free teleport?" The transaction DID go that way many times, but nice things happen these days as well, I assure you.

5) RMT/Cash Shops/Micro-Transactions have ruined MMORPG's: No, they haven't. It didn't happen in EQ2, WoW, EVE, LotRO, or any other game (almost every single one of them) that has had some form of  "You give me money, I'll give you something extra." Players that say that games have been ruined were fine with RMT when they bought an extra account (RMT) extra character slots (RMT) XP Potions (Cash Shoppery) Server Transfers (RMT) Hairstyle/Name changes (RMT) or that shiny limited edition box-set that gave you (you know what's next) special items in exchange for your real life money.

Here is the truth:

Most players are playing. Most players are not writing blogs, posting on forums or hosting podcasts.

Game are more innovative, trying new things and adding more functionality all the time.

There are more games that run on cheaper systems and need lower system specs then there were in the past.

There are more choices as to how to pay, and for how long, than there ever were.

Connections are faster, and computers (even cheap ones) are faster. This has made for better looking games that can be downloaded within hours, if not minutes.

Communities are larger, so the proportion of bad-talk is larger. Also, you have a more-varied playerbase that didn't grow up on PC's like we did, and are still discovering forums, blogs and podcasts.

In other words, the land of MMORPG's IS all sunshine and rainbows. Things are freaking WONDERFUL. I think well all get burned out once in a while, and we all get a little angry (well, some VERY angry) once in a while. Most of us are very passionate and intelligent people. Nerds are wonderfully tolerant of others, and come in all shapes and sizes. But one glance at how much money MMOs made last year will tell you that we are all pretty happy in this community. So next time you are visiting some popular forum or gaming site, and it seems like every post is a complaint or whine, remember that while those players are writing their complaints, most are simply having fun in a game.

Now, I need to go log in. This writing stuff is taking me away from my game!

Beau

I don't draw or paint like I used to. First of all, it hurts more now than it ever did. I used to be able to draw for hours and hours, filling up entire grade school days with pages of monsters and then moving on to more emotional artwork in high-school, to the point that my teachers would not even hand me my work and would glance over my shoulder with the other students to see what I would draw. I was a "gifted" student throughout most of my years in school, in advanced classes where we would learn other languages and would perform creative tasks all day for most of the school week. Remember that show "Head of the Class?" That was my classroom experience, but with art. Always with art.

But as I have become a full fledged grown-up, with bills, worries and the staple fear of death that we all share, my art has become too slow of a vehicle for my ideas. I can't work on a piece for days  and  days anymore. My ideas aren't that slow, my thoughts don't wait for the perfect line. So, I started to just take a brush and ink and some bristol board and now will just spit out an image and hope it seems like something good. I might construct it more if it seems cool, but usually I set it down and go on to another drawing, or off to read a book. I try to make a stack of 100 or so pieces of board and can do these quick pieces for quite a while until I have 50 or more.

I really, really miss that time of intense, detailed drawing though. Literally I would just sit there in my room, drawing, drawing drawing. I have a copyright that I filed when I was 12 for a character named Kit Krazy. I filled up my entire bedroom with drawings on standard paper, stapled or taped to the wall.

But I can't do it. I still think creatively, if not more so than I ever have, but my mind just doesn't sit still long enough to allow my body to sit still long enough to do the same.

My gaming is the same. I don't just play a game, usually. Usually I am trying to play a character, but not as in role-play. (I have covered this more than a few times on my blog.) I am trying to imagine what I would do if I were that character, or try to imagine his back-story. I try to put my own stamp on the game, or else I am just playing in someone elses world, and in someones elses artwork. But I can't sit still in one game, in one world, for too long. I have to keep looking and keep exploring, discovering new details about my character and adding all these details to the character at the core of all of them, the character of me. I have actually used Second Life as a "world" for my "main" character, where he is fully aware of all the other me's floating around in a billion different worlds. I know, I know, it's kind of a "god" move and not really a good thing to do in role-play, but all my characters are me, I can't help it, they have to be connected somehow.

When I was a kid, I would stop and roam around one single idea or story for hours, days or months. I would explore every nook and cranny of a character or an artwork until I decided to try another. But that is, in a way, boring as Hell to me now. It's not like I wouldn't rather work on grand masterpieces that take me a year to complete, it's just that I don't have the stomach or the one-track mind to do it anymore.

This is why, I think, free-to-play games have resonated with me so well. I can roam all I want, adding new worlds to the list that my "main" has explored. Just like all my artworks tell of some part of me (or at least of some part of me that existed at the time), all these characters have me stamped somewhere on them. The "main" that is me is composed of a million different character, some not even made yet, and has the collected memories of a million different digital experiences.

I had to be honest with myself and ask if it were simple laziness that has stopped me from sitting still for long to draw or to play games, and there is some small bit of that there. But if you look at the thousands of posts I have made (I have almost 4k on the Vanguard forums alone) or the videos I have made (near 70 at last count) and all the podcasts I have been a part of (over 140 episodes or something?) you will see that laziness is not really it. My physical pain from using my arms too much has the most to do with it, that ache that I get within 30 minutes of playing games with certain controls. As I type this my wrists hurt and will need to be soaked in icewater.

So, I really am pretending, playing or creating just as much, if not more, than when I were younger. I just do it in smaller chunks, dedicated to smaller bits of grand ideas. I slowly build up a character, story or drawing rather than try to push it out within an evening or three. And actually, this feels a little more like real life to me, for my characters to be built up slowly, sometimes very slowly. None of us "succeeds" at anything in life overnight, unless it was handed to us, and it should be no different for my characters.

I'm proud to be a mosaic. I'm proud to put my own creative stamp on my gaming and my life. And I'm happy to say that art will always be there for me, and I am sure I will return to it, stronger than ever, soon enough. For now I just want to explore a little bit at a time.

Beau

 This is a sample of everyday conversation that me and my wife have, this particular one done over text message:

Leala: I want the 7-11 pet

Beau: Find me a 7 11

Leala: You are going to have to do some calling

Beau: K

Leala: Or blockbuster

Leala: They have dragons

Beau: K ill look

(At this point Leala tries to sweeten the deal for me. After 10 years with me she still does this)

Leala: If we get a $20 card I can gift you a broom

At this point I went to a local Blockbuster to get her a Wizard 101 ten dollar gift card, one that gave her a blue dragon pet as well. Luckily, they had them. Once Leala is set on her cash shop item, I might as well give in. This is just a typical day for us, playing games or chatting about them. Reading books or talking about what books we read. We watched "Where the Wild Things Are" yesterday, both of us cried. (Well, I did anyway. I think she did.)

And as I played the games during my 24 hour gaming session yesterday (for charity, the mass of which raised over $140,000) I noticed the games that I had the most "fun" in were: Mabinogi (Dragon fights on hot-air balloons!) Faunasphere (building my 'sphere and going to my first "instance") Wizard 101 (killing Halloween bosses!) Free Realms (soccer RULES) and Fusion Fall (platforming, customization and shooting giant monsters, Tabula Rasa style!)

That's not to say that I didn't have a blast in the other games, but just a different kind of blast.

I mean, playing Ryzom is a different experience than playing Mabinogi, and while both are deep experiences, they are different. Many players I know don't even spare a glance to certain "kids games" like Wizard 101 or Fusion Fall. Many people consider those games to be "kids games" and think that the experience they provide is too basic, or too easy for them to enjoy themselves.

Strange thing is, the older I get, the more silly I feel while playing "adult" games like Vanguard or Ryzom. Now, I am not saying in any way that it IS silly, just that I feel a little bit....like I am faking it more?...when I play a game made for "adults."

This is hard to explain, but let's see if I can.

When you play a game like Vanguard, it is an immersive experience, you feel surrounded by the world, you feel that same way you do when you are reading a great book. The music stirs you, you get lost in the "play session." And while I think role-play is the ultimate form of play, I do not mean "pretend" role-play. I mean role-play as in "asking yourself what you would do in that situation." That is different than "pretending that you are someone else in a situation," which can more often than not be the definition of role-play.

When I play like I am totally someone else, instead of myself (not this world myself, but if I was that character myself) I feel sillier. I feel that playing completely as someone else, like acting, inside a videogame brings out the fact that the game-world is not real at all. That's something I don't want to do. What I want to do is remember small details about me, for example my real-life allergies, and place those attributes on my character while keeping them in-line with the rules of the pretend world.

At this point I might have lost you. I hope not.

So, playing in a game that is admittedly "pretend", a game with vibrant colors or with absolute wackiness is still very immersive, and possibly more so, because it speaks directly to my real-life self and directly to my FUN which is at the core of the real-life me. In fact, I think most humans have a fun-loving-child at their core, which would explain all of our imaginations and need for gaming and escaping.

Maybe that's why I solo most of the time in "adult" MMO's like Vanguard or Ryzom. I like to role-play, but ironically I find less role-players in those "adult" games, which drives me crazy. One of the most immserion-breaking gaming sessions come from those that are spent with gripey players that "clock-in" to play, or treat it like a job, screaming in chat or acting as though this game is, literally, a second job for them. The best way to make your group-mates feel silly is to take the game too seriously.

Keep that in mind, and ask yourself why you play. Why DO you spend hours running around virtual landscapes? Is it out of some kind of dedication to your online friends? Is it to show off to other players? Or is it to have fun? I imagine for many players it is a combination of all those things some of the time.

I am finding, like I said, that the most fun I have is when I am making sure..to have fun. The immersive qualities come out of the game not because of fancy graphics or amazing loot, they come out of my games because of my interactions with other players and with shrugging, giving everything a try, and by keeping a smile on my face most of the time.

So, go act like a kid. I mean, aren't we all just children pretending to be adults? If you want an immersive experience, or at least a very powerful one, have a really fun experience. To me, that is closer to reality (which is what immersion is supposed to feel like) than almost anything I have come across.

Beau