A MMORPG Holiday Dinner
World of Warcraft: Ok, I have everything ready. The guests should be arriving soon.
EverQuest II: Merry Christmas!
WoW: EQII! You look like you're wasting away - how'd you lose all the subscribers...err, weight?
EQII: Yeah, I've been on the SOE Diet, its great! Hey, I brought my dad, EverQuest Live. Is it ok if I sit him in a corner? No one pays attention to him anyway.
WoW: Sure, there is a chair over there. Oh, I think I hear the doorbell. Welcome, EVE! How have you been?
EVE: Not bad, you know, just mining ore, and hauling ore. Then warping a lot. Then mining more ore. Hey I just got a facelift, what do you think?
EQII: Looks good. Was it a difficult procedure? My plastic surgery made me look...well, like plastic.
EVE: Not too bad, just ruined a critical file. But it was "free" so I couldn't complain.
Lord of the Rings: Knock, knock! Hi everyone. Woah! Hey, my wallet! Stop that EVE!
WoW: EVE, please don't gate camp the door.
EVE: Sorry. Old habit.
EQII: LotRO, could you leave your hat on - you look a lot like WoW without your Hobbit clothes.
LotRO: Sure. Nice spread you have here WoW. All my favorites!
EQLive: Oh sure, WoW has everything, but none of it is very good.
EVE: Who said that?
LotRO: I dunno.
WoW: Hey everyone, Tabula Rasa is here!
Tabula Rasa: Please, call me Richard Garriot's Tabula Rasa. Hi everyone!
EQII: Hello TR, what have you been up to?
TR: We just moved in not too long ago - they've been building our house for, like, 6 years! But look at all we have to show for it: combat, half-assed crafting, and an auction house!
EVE: ...impressive, do you charge full price for all that?
TR: Of course, my parents need to take more 20 million dollar space trips after all. Hey, who's that at the door?
Age of Conan: Shh, no one can see me yet, I'm in BETA!
WoW: Oh hi, Conan. What did you bring?
AoC: BOOBS AND BLOOD AND PVP! A brutal barbarian world with lush jungles and big weapons! (TM)
EQII: Oh, ok, the kiddie table is over there. *points*
WoW: Hey, City of Heroes is here! CoH, you look exactly the same as you did three years ago! How DO you do it?
CoH: My parents dropped me a lot when I was little. But I have new foster parents and they promise not to abuse me. Hey, nice place you have here, WoW. It's different. I'm not used to different things. Is there a warehouse or sewer I can sit in?
LotRO: Sewers? That's a good idea. I think I'll use that.
TR: Hey there old fella, I'm Richard Garriot's Tabula Rasa. Some family members of mine used to work with Ultima Online...
EQLive: Buzz off, rat-tail. Don't you have more gaudy crap to put in your house?
EQII: Look who's here - its Star Wars Galaxies! What did you bring?
StarWars Galaxies: Hi everyone. I was thinking that all this familiar, traditional stuff is really boring. We should change it up! Pine trees are so hard to get. How about a nice new maple?
CoH: I don't do new and different.
SWG: ...I figure we could call it the NHE - New Holiday Experience!
EVE: Hey WoW, a big bus just pulled up outside.
WoW: Oh no, its the Korean grind games! They're all three-quarter views!
Lineage 2: Hi all, I hope you don't mind - I brought some friends. Anyone want to buy some gold?
WoW: Sure! I mean, no! Woah, what are your friends doing, Lineage 2?
L2: They're in your kitchen, grinding your foods. Hi, Conan, how's it going?
AoC: BOOBS AND BLOOD AND PVP!
Vanguard: Hey guys, sorry I'm late. I was busy selling my VISION to some hardcore players. They didn't get it, so I made fun of them. Damn carebears.
L2: This is a nice spread, WoW. How long did it take you to make?
WoW: It took a while. I had to camp the store for 3 hours getting some base materials. Then I had to grind speciality stores for some rare spices. After that, I had to schedule a raid to get enough people here to cook all the food. I had to bid all my DKP to get the turkey!
VG: That's nothing, my VISION is a dinner that takes a week just to get the ingredients for. Sure, my VISION may be unpopular to 99.5% of people, but I can't be bothered by such facts.
LotRO: Can you give me the recipe for that stuffing? I want to copy it for my subscribers...errr, my family.
TR: Where's my seat? I don't see a place card with my name.
WoW: Its right there. It says, "Tabula Rasa".
TR: Oh, haha, well, if it had read, "Richard Garriot's Tabula Rasa", then I would have known. Quite a lot of stuff here. It would take me at least three years to add this stuff to my spread.
EQLive: Back in my day, games were released with more FEATURES! Not just combat and crafting!
VG: Combat and crafting are enough if they are difficult. Our VISION is to make everything hard so that only true gamers play our game. And by true gamers, I mean people who have nothing better to do but grind for 6 hours a day.
CoH: I wish I had good features. Are costume pieces considered features?
AoC: Pixelated knockers are features!
L2: Forgot to mention, that's a huge driveway you have out there, WoW.
WoW: Yeah, its for all my subscribers. It could be bigger, but most of them ride bikes or work in sweatshops. All right everyone, dig in!
EQII: That was pretty good, WoW. But somehow I feel...empty.
EQLive: You were always pretty shallow.
TR: Are you talking about me?
WoW: Well, that dinner was just to prepare you for the next dinner. And once you consume the next dinner, you need to move on to the 25-man dinners. After you've spent 100 hours eating dinner, I'll put out expansion dinners which will make all of your old dinners obsolete.
CoH: Sounds like more of the same to me, and I know a lot of about "more of the same".
VG: This dinner wasn't nearly hardcore enough. You guys clearly don't know what true dinner is about. Its about challenge, grinding, and lots of grouping. Screw enjoyment, I want to chew LEATHER for my dinner.
TR: You should have people call you, "Brad McQuaid's Vanguard: Saga of Heroes", that way people know what kind of ego maniac you are.
CoH: I know some ego maniacs.
WoW: All right everyone, thanks for coming. Clear your calender for the same time next year - you know us, we never do anything differently! Happy holiday