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The Fat, Happy Dwarf

The Fat, Happy Dwarf is a Lord of the Rings Online (LOTRO) blog. More humor than substance with the occasional gem of wisdom.

Author: SteelDeth

Sore Feet. Or “Who in their right-mind thought this would be fun?!”

Posted by SteelDeth Wednesday October 31 2007 at 1:41PM
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Well, after a brief hiatus, the fat, happy dwarf is back. I took a little time off to explore a game recently released from the shackles of recurring billing. I took a run a at playing a robot and an effeminate elf. You probably know what game I’m talking about.
But oh how the Misty Mountains call! I found myself logging into my stout dwarf last night to attempt to clean up some quests. Little did I know, however, that my absence was an offence to the game. An offence I was to pay for dearly.
I was hanging out around Ost Guruth when I decided to try to find a group and finish some fellowship quests. I had one taker for a quest to kill some orc warmaster. Well, for those of you know and for the benefit of those that don’t, this quest takes place north of Weathertop. I was in Ost Guruth, far to the east of Weathertop. No worries. I’m always up for a little run. That statement will have much more weight by the end of the article.
So, I trudge my way across the countryside, dodging the occasional and irritating blackbird. I’m trying to follow the bearing on the mini-map that shows my companions lovely green dot. After much cliff-diving, followed by a few moments of hobbling, I find the orc camp. My companion? He’s already at the top patiently waiting for me. A fact I appreciate.
Long story short, we dispatch the rather pathetic warmaster (Master? Really? War-apprentice maybe). I pause a moment to help my sick wife into bed. Yes, that’s right. The fat, happy dwarf is married and gots kids, too. I return to find that I’m abandoned on top of this mountain with no partner. A fact I didn’t really appreciate. No worries. This quest was a few levels below me so I should be ok.
So far, the evening has been acceptable. The quest, while a good distance from where I started, was simple. Now I have to wander and find some long ranger’s camp. Did I just say that? Sure enough. They should have named him Tonto. Get it? Tonto the lone ranger? Anyway, I wander for fifteen minutes heading to his camp only to be told that the next step in my quest was to travel all the way back to Bree to some other lone ranger’s cabin! He must he higher rank. He gets a cabin. This guy here apparently can’t translate orc. Why did you ask me to get the letter if you can’t read it? Are you even sure this is the right letter? Are you sure of anything? Must be why he doesn’t have a cabin.
Ugh. Another fifteen minutes later and I’m back in Bree. I’m short another fifteen silver pieces and my rear is sore from the pony ride but I’m here. Ok, off to the other ranger’s cabin. I’ve been there before so it is no worry. I get there only to be told by this lonely, sad, pathetic little man that I have to take this now translated letter back to the loser at the camp! Are you mad?! Ever hear of messenger pigeon? “Messenger dwarf” doesn’t work quite as well due to our short, stubby legs. What the heck is going on here? In a land of magic and ancient lore, the best these two can come up with is to send adventurers running across the countryside?!
Again, I’m left wondering who at Turbine got paid for coming up with this quest? Better yet: who approved it? Who said “Yeah, that looks like fun! Put it in there!” Both of them should be punished by being bathroom attendants at a Star Trek convention. Wearing Star Wars t-shirts.

I’m planning on taking a look at some housing next time I log on. I’m not sure why. It will only make me angry.

badgerbadger writes:

the " fed-ex express is fun gameplay" is a Sacred Cow I have as yet; failed to barbeque...

 But the underlying concept - that "content" (make them do anything) = gameplay value; well....  thats where all these discussions of grind and such come in.

  i often wonder what people are thinking when they decided this or that constitues entertainment.

 As an aside; i never figured ORKS for the literate types...

see? Thats your confusion RIGHT THERE.. it was a typo. IT was an orc WORD-master :)

Wed Oct 31 2007 1:49PM Report
Shoal writes:

Hell, you should be thankfull !  My Hobbit is delivering Mail !?!?!  Now, THAT'S Adventure !

Wed Oct 31 2007 3:58PM Report
Xix13 writes:

Actually, the amount of shear running around back and forth is what has soured me to LotRO.  I actually feel tired playing this one.  Immersion is one thing...

I delivered the mail.  I drew the line at the pies though.

A game based on questing for XP is fine.  It does good for stories and such.  And, yeah, there aren't a whole lot of different styles of quests, with the fed ex being a classic.  But, damn, at the pace you move in LotRO (or the added money sink of riding around, not that you need more money sinks with crafting and repair), it's just not right.  Auto Assault had the questing for XP style too, but at least you MOVED in that one, and got to blow stuf up along the way.

Wed Oct 31 2007 5:21PM Report
Salvatoris writes:

I agree with Xix... While I still love the game, what keeps me from playing more is all the travel time.  Especially in the 40+ game.  Me and normal group have plenty of group quests in our level range, but they are all over the map. 

Someone wants to do a quest in the Misty Mountains, but two are all the way in Angmar, one in Evendim and one a Sarnur.  It would take 20 minutes for us to all meet up for the quests, so we just skip it instead.

All classes need some kind of travel skill at high level.  Without a hunter (which is generally a detriment to the team once combat starts) the high level travel time is unbearable.  I already did the leg-work getting up to 50... Now I just want to be able to log in and play.  I wouldn't even mind paying for the trip, as long is it is quick travel.

Thu Nov 01 2007 10:16AM Report
labg11 writes:

Heh, one of the sweetness of being a hunter, i can go "freely" anywhere, and anyhow, you guys should try to kill some stuff in the process of doing your quests it adds a sense of "Make way, comming trough, i'm on an important errand here, DIE FILTHY ORC!!!" sort of stuff... if you know what i meant.

Thu Nov 01 2007 11:34AM Report
Flungmuk writes:

EQ pre PoK books was like that. But it took far far longer to run some places, if you couldnt get a wizzy or druid to port you. Or the beastly long boat rides. You could easily spend an hour running to get to a zone.

Thu Nov 01 2007 1:09PM Report
Croe writes:

this was a great read man i was amused the whole way, i dont even play lotr the event that happened to you sounds funny but i bet at the time it sucked.

Thu Nov 01 2007 2:40PM Report
Angelfire writes:

Different strokes for different folks. I prefer a large world that takes a while to get around in .. because ..well .. its supposed to be a world. One of the first things I hated about world of warcraft is how small it felt. its absurd you can be from any of the major cities to nearly any of the highest dungeons in the game in less time then it takes to have a bowel movement. All races have a instant travel to there home city, from there you can swift travel to other parts of the world for next to nothing. I dont disagree that they should concider reducing the prices of the horse routes, add a couple more swift travels, and maaaybe lowering the mount level from 35 to like 20 ..but one of the draws of LOTRO is Middle Earth .. it needs to be big. Personally I have never had a problem with the runs. *shrug*

Thu Nov 01 2007 3:21PM Report writes:
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