Rant: Collector's Edition
Who here is a dork or a nerd of some kind? I'll be the first to raise my hand. Chances are if you didn't raise yours, you are living in a world of self-dillusion. You are on a video game website, reading Blogs about what other people think about video games, especially some jackass like me. We aren't talking about any type of video game mind you, but one of the most stereotypical types of video games, MMORPGs.
Ah yes....the prestige of being one of the many who find satisfaction in persuing virtual domination in virtual worlds to inflate your virtual manhood. We're the type of gamers that conjures up the mental image of a 300 pound fat man in his 40's, probably with some sort of a beard, who dwells in the castle dungeon (A.K.A your parents basement) with a sword hanging on the wall. Now if that doesn't scream woman repellent loud enough for you, along comes the crafty marketing executive to make sure you will never see an unpixilated woman by introducing something known as "The Collector's Edition" of your favorite new game.
I know there are a lot of you out there. You know who you are. But how can you resist?! For only another $30, they will give you that brand new MMO in steel box, with a cloth map, and even toss in a free item in-game to boost your exp by 0.5%, and something more visible so that everyone else in your virtual world knows how badass you are (like a useless pet)!
So what is the reality?
Given the trend of MMO's in the last 2 years, there is pretty good chance that the Collector Edition of that new MMO you bought is going to be the stamp of a true sucker. How many MMO's that come out in recent memory actually end up being worth a sloppy pile of steaming crap? Not that many. So when people find out that not only did you buy that MMO that should have been reviewed on ratemypoo.com , but you also decided to pay $30 more then everyone else, you are looking like one dumb nerd bastard among your fellow dorks.
The steel box that pile of crap came in ends up storing something more important to you, like your "Klingon to English" dictionary. That cloth map you paid a premium for will most likely find its way to your bathroom where you will hopefully run out of toilet paper and get the satisfaction of wiping your ass with a world that was ill-conceived by some idiot spouting about his "vision".
I also love how they use the word "Collector". Seriously, when was the last time a video game was worth something, especially a bad one? Is there some vast underground black market somewhere where people are paying top dollar for the collector edition? I know some of you out there will flame me for this, but I would love to be enlightened on this.
A lot of the time I write these rants, I direct it towards the developers and marketing executives behind the madness. This time its your fault, yea you, Mr. MMO Video Game Collector Guy. WTF are you thinking?! Why do you buy this crap? Are we ready to sell what's left of our dignity for a 0.5% exp bonus and a mini-diablo pet? If you are ever lucky enough to convince some female to willing enter your parent's basement and ignore that sword on the wall.....will it be worth her fleeing from your dungeon when she truly realizes the severity of the situation?
What if she is an MMO player and you were that guy who got the Vanguard Collector's Edition?! It's over for you my friend. All I ask is that we as gamers learn to draw the line somewhere. Just because you paid $30 more then the rest of us doesn't mean your game is going to be worth more. If you buy video games as an investment you should seek some serious therapy, and if it was Vanguard, a little piece of us all just died on the inside for you ;)
Co-Leader of Inquisition