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Paragus Rants

Rants, reviews, and interviews from an MMO veteran and guild leader.

Author: Paragus1

Rant: Collector's Editions

Posted by Paragus1 Friday January 11 2008 at 5:50PM
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Rant: Collector's Edition

Who here is a dork or a nerd of some kind?   I'll be the first to raise my hand.  Chances are if you didn't raise yours, you are living in a world of self-dillusion.   You are on a video game website, reading Blogs about what other people think about video games, especially some jackass like me.   We aren't talking about any type of video game mind you, but one of the most stereotypical types of video games, MMORPGs.

 

 

Ah yes....the prestige of being one of the many who find satisfaction in persuing virtual domination in virtual worlds to inflate your virtual manhood.  We're the type of gamers that conjures up the mental image of a 300 pound fat man in his 40's, probably with some sort of a beard, who dwells in the castle dungeon (A.K.A your parents basement) with a sword hanging on the wall.  Now if that doesn't scream woman repellent loud enough for you, along comes the crafty marketing executive to make sure you will never see an unpixilated woman by introducing something known as "The Collector's Edition" of your favorite new game.

I know there are a lot of you out there.  You know who you are.   But how can you resist?!   For only another $30, they will give you that brand new MMO in steel box, with a cloth map, and even toss in a free item in-game to boost your exp by 0.5%, and something more visible so that everyone else in your virtual world knows how badass you are (like a useless pet)!

 

 

So what is the reality?

Given the trend of MMO's in the last 2 years, there is pretty good chance that the Collector Edition of that new MMO you bought is going to be the stamp of a true sucker.  How many MMO's that come out in recent memory actually end up being worth a sloppy pile of steaming crap?  Not that many.   So when people find out that not only did you buy that MMO that should have been reviewed on ratemypoo.com , but you also decided to pay $30 more then everyone else, you are looking like one dumb nerd bastard among your fellow dorks.

 

 

The steel box that pile of crap came in ends up storing something more important to you, like your "Klingon to English" dictionary.   That cloth map you paid a premium for will most likely find its way to your bathroom where you will hopefully run out of toilet paper and get the satisfaction of wiping your ass with a world that was ill-conceived by some idiot spouting about his "vision".

 

 

I also love how they use the word "Collector".   Seriously, when was the last time a video game was worth something, especially a bad one?  Is there some vast underground black market somewhere where people are paying top dollar for the collector edition?   I know some of you out there will flame me for this, but I would love to be enlightened on this.

A lot of the time I write these rants, I direct it towards the developers and marketing executives behind the madness.   This time its your fault,  yea you, Mr. MMO Video Game Collector Guy.   WTF are you thinking?!  Why do you buy this crap?   Are we ready to sell what's left of our dignity for a 0.5% exp bonus and a mini-diablo pet?    If you are ever lucky enough to convince some female to willing enter your parent's basement and ignore that sword on the wall.....will it be worth her fleeing from your dungeon when she truly realizes the severity of the situation?

 

 

What if she is an MMO player and you were that guy who got the Vanguard Collector's Edition?!  It's over for you my friend.   All I ask is that we as gamers learn to draw the line somewhere.  Just because you paid $30 more then the rest of us doesn't mean your game is going to be worth more.    If you buy video games as an investment you should seek some serious therapy, and if it was Vanguard, a little piece of us all just died on the inside for you ;)

 

Paragus

Co-Leader of Inquisition

www.inqguild.com

 

 

Arudanel writes: Actually, I get them for the tins and the music mostly myself. I got loads of junk in those tin boxes, my room looks like the storeroom for EBGames. But I live in an apartment, I shave, and I only weight 250 or so. But still, this was the funniest damn read I've had in some time, it's all too true. Every time I walk out of the store with my new tin, can almost see mothers pointing 'See there Timmy? That's what happens if you play those evil videogames!' Some days I just gotta laugh. Especially when the same kids laughing at my Vanguard CE box walk out with the latest new color Gameboy ;) Fri Jan 11 2008 6:42PM Report
rgmt writes:

i get your point  and good rant i dont know about the steriotype about the 300 lb  im about 180  and have several swords on the wall {all real not that crap you bought at the fleemarket or at one of those stupid websites} i am quite active in the mmo realm but i keep in shape though i do have a beard. every now and then i sugest to the gamers to step into the light and listen to the music wile running you will live longer so you can see the future of gameing

Fri Jan 11 2008 11:12PM Report
xenogias writes:

Love the read but I must admit I think you got burned on a CE and thats why your so pissed :)   On the other hand im 25, 350lbs and have a beard (till tomorrow its getting ichy). I however dont buy CE's and have a decent looking fiance. Works out well, I get to game while she sleeps or goes out with her friends ;) Games regardless of the type can be healthy for a releationship so long as you know when/how to spend time with that one woman who will put up with you :P

Sat Jan 12 2008 2:56AM Report
Panossian writes:

Very funny, and true in most cases.  When Im staring at the gaming shelf at the store Im always tempted to reach over and grab the big hulking collectors edition, whats an extra $30... But luckily I have yet to walk down that dark path.

I can only imagine what people feel like who purchased the VSoH Collectors edition.

Sat Jan 12 2008 10:22AM Report
Paragus1 writes:

I am proud of the fact that I have yet to get suckered in by the Collector Edition.  This rant spawned from a conversation I was having with one of my guild members yesterday who was tempted to buy a CE for an anticipated upcoming MMO.   I felt compelled to write this to try to restore some sanity :)

Sat Jan 12 2008 12:11PM Report
Sornin writes:

When it comes down to it, there are far worse things that people spend their money on.

For example, last night I went to the pub (well, two), and went home with about $100 less to my name. Everything I purchased that night lasted a few minutes, then it was gone forever.

A CE is at least something concrete that lasts forever. That $30 gets you an in-game thing or two that may be useless, but at least is something, and a bunch of out-of-game stuff you may enjoy.

Anyway, while I acknowledge it is not necessarily money well spent, I also acknowledge that for fans, it is not money poorly spent, either. A better rant would be about people who spend money on things like gourmet coffee and cigarettes, habits that often cost $10+ per day and also end in someone having nothing to show for it, except a fat ass and black lungs.

Sat Jan 12 2008 4:21PM Report
Windrider30 writes:

Hey I am not 400 pounds im 399 and half thank you, gotees look good on big men, and im sexy....ok so i have bought one or two CE's in my lifetime, *watches the pile of tins and "special" boxes fall all around him and shrugs and stuffs another cheese burger in his mouth* its my money what else am i suppose to do with it, and the sword on my wall makes me uber who needs a girlfriend!!!

Sat Jan 12 2008 5:55PM Report
Jamkull writes:

I definately know how you feel tho, as a really nice thing for a friend of mine that is a Star Wars fanatic for whom has read all the Timothy Zhan novels and all the extended universe stuff.  I'm a pretty big fan myself but outside the movies i've read very little except the occasional extended universe tidbit.  But nonetheless i decided to buy him the Collector's Ed. of SWG on pre-order.  We both were in the beta and felt it would eventually become better.  Only if i had some sort of ESP at that moment :P  The extras he still likes and he keeps up with but still for the most part the software is nothing but a paper weight.  

Sat Jan 12 2008 11:16PM Report
Kordesh writes:

I like how for the remainder of the rant you go on to simply perpetuate that stereotype and seemingly randomly bash MMO players, specifically Vanguard players. As for "when has a video game been worth anything" well, for one, theres sentimental value, entertainment value, oh and monetary value. Try to find an original copy of a rare classic and see if you're not paying bare minimum twice what it cost when it was released. I'll grant that those are few and far between, but you're the one who decided to bitch about "worth".

And as for what this article was supposedly about, yes, there are quite a few collectors editions that have sucked noodles, but

A: I don't think I've ever seen one that has been more than $20 than the original TOPS and

B: There are a few that are actually pretty damn good.

You ruined your own argument by posting the WoW collectors edition as an example. It came with a hardbound art book which was worth it in itself (I can hear it now "lol art is for fags!" right?) and a DVD version of the game as opposed to swapping the 8 or so CDs it took otherwise. And as a little bonus there was the soundtrack and the pets.

Theres a rant, and then theres whining. Try to guess which yours is. I'm going to take a wild guess that A: You play MMOs because you heard about them from one of your buddies B: You got burned buying a game you hated and C: Now you're trying to act superior and go "Oh yeah! well you all suck! And your games suck! And your suckers! lol that taught them!"

In summation, enjoy your fail. I'm going to go have fun. You can sit at your computer and continue to fume that you're not part of it.

Sat Jan 12 2008 11:17PM Report
Ragnaven writes:

See my girl made me buy her the collectors ed of hellgate london, then she crawled out of bed, took the collectors ed I bought for me, installed it and usurped my computer and game and told me to go get my own.

Sat Jan 12 2008 11:47PM Report
siegedelux writes:

I never found wasting money on collectors editions any fun, it's all hype...

Sun Jan 13 2008 9:07AM Report
todeswulf writes:

Personally I love collector editions. I purchased Ten WoW Collector  editions and Fifteen Burning crusade collector’s edition.  I made Fifteen grand off those from eBay from a Fifteen hundred dollar investment. I always buy a Box of the TCG because I'm guaranteed loot cards and Mount loot cards go from 500.00  to 875.00  on eBay.  People who are stupid enough to pay for this  stuff  keep me in top of the line PC’s and  games.  People that are into this stuff will literally do or pay anything to get there hands on the latest shiny 

Sun Jan 13 2008 10:45AM Report
Crose writes:

You seem to be under the impression that your comments are witty and you make an intelligent point.  Let me clear that up for you:  you're an idiot.  Who comes to an MMORPG site and attempts to spread the stereotype that all MMO players are D&D fanatics that weigh twice as much as they should?  And what exactly is your point?  That collectors editions are full of crap you don't need?  Of course they are.  All collectors items are crap you don't need.

Sun Jan 13 2008 11:26AM Report
Paragus1 writes:

LOL! Some of you people need to lighten up and learn the meaning of the word satire.  I can see the local community coming for me with torches and pitch forks.    If you can't see the humor in it then the community is even worse off then I originally thought.

Kordesh, take some Zoloft and re-read it.   I admit to being a total nerd.   WTF do you think I am writing Blogs on a site about video games?  Let me guess, you were that guy that paid $70 plus dollars for the collectors edition of an MMO that is considered to be a flop.   Laugh it off and move on with your life, and try not to take a satirical rant so personally, or you may find yourself taking everything in life a bit too seriously.

Sun Jan 13 2008 12:42PM Report
grimfall writes:

1. That wasn't a satire.  A satire would be, for example, saying that you can't understand how anyone doesn't buy collectors addtiions, and went on and on, sarcastically, about how you don't undertand how anyone can live without them... Unless you really were writing a satire, in which case it was poorly done. 

2. What do you care if other people by the collectors additions? How does it negatively impact your life at all?  If it puts more money into publishers' pockets, and makes them more willing to publish MMO's, they're a good thing, and you should support it.

Sun Jan 13 2008 1:37PM Report
NecroHelium writes:

First, off, I don't buy collector's editions unless they're less than 10 dollars extra... and I do that for the larger case.  Second, CE's put more money into the pockets of the publishers, therefore more money into developing your game.

And I'm NOT 300 pounds and a D and D fanatic.  In fact, I weigh 180 pounds with 2 percent body fat and stand at 5 feet 9 inches, am 20 years old, have had my fair share of girlfriends, am in a rock band that makes over 300 dollars a piece per show (which happens to be about twice a month) and make a living as a massage therapist... but of course this can't be true because I play mmo's, huh???

This would have been an alright blog had it been centered more around your dislike of CE's than the fact that playing video games makes you a fat, useless piece of crap that resides in their parent's basements.

Sun Jan 13 2008 10:23PM Report
Paragus1 writes:

WTS Sense of Humor PST!

Sun Jan 13 2008 10:55PM Report
Panossian writes:

Stereotypes come from truths, I don't understand why people take offense to them, I used to play D&D in my youth, I don't weight 300 pounds, I am a successful person who still enjoys mmorpgs. Its funny stuff which in a lot of cases is absolutely true.

Reeeelaaaaax.

Mon Jan 14 2008 9:57AM Report
Tekin writes: I personally think it funny how some of you are getting worked up over this blog. He obviously attempted to bust his friend’s balls on this one. The simple fact that some of you are getting so upset means he hit the nail right on the head and now you feel the need to lash back at him. I laugh at your misfortune at being hurt and hope he puts up another blog that ticks you off Mon Jan 14 2008 12:15PM Report
Mitnal writes:

what is this E-harmony? stop posting your weight

Tue Jan 15 2008 5:30PM Report
ivan50265 writes:

First off welcome back I have truly missed your unique take on this industry, and Amen friend CEs are complete money sucking crap. I want to find the jerk off who decided to call these viedo game versions of Creacker Jack boxes and slap him repeatedly.  One glimmer of hope remains for me though as I see tons of CEs of mmos out there on the shelves which means they are not getting bought so hopefully the retailers will stop ordering the damn things.

Sun Jan 20 2008 2:42AM Report
Smity writes:

LOL know what you talk about ,I bought a CE once got a realy neet ,useless coin an something useless in game.                             I'm 200lbs married 22yrs an yup have a sword on the wall  LOL have fun play on

 

Mon Jul 21 2008 5:32PM Report

MMORPG.com writes:
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