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r1ft Gaming Blog

A mirror of my gaming blog at r1ft.com. The jaded game designer turned corporate lackey. Feedback is always welcome.

Author: Daedren

Daedren's Guide to Living with Deathknights

Posted by Daedren Monday January 26 2009 at 11:13AM
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I don't like writing about Warcraft. I consider the game unchallenging, frightfully unimaginative and terribly addicting - but in the same time, I'm drawn to it for its familiarity. It's the familiar and user friendly cornerstone of draining our lives away, escaping into the bosom of our treasured alternate reality. We find comfort in the gear treadmill and bitch about the inevitable dysfunction of PVP. Other games come and go, hopes are dashed - and WoW is still there, persisting like the Family Circus of MMO's, something we secretly hate but read anyway . The centralized servers eagerly await our inevitable return into their carefully categorized and never changing world before they merge and become WoWNET and kill us all.

Enough waxing intellectual - I'm here to bash Deathknights. Like everyone else in the free world, I tried one of these babies out from the get-go and thought to myself "Nice! It's almost like they took all the abilities they wanted to give other classes over the last 3 years and gave them to DK's! Sweetness!" Early days as a DK were tough, as you were just another face in the crowd of ever-growing Deathtards. You laughed at DK's that were stacking +spellpower gear and chuckled when General Chat had people arguing if you could use maces.

 

Aww... that's not me. Thank God.

 

To differ from the herd, I chose the route of tanking  - and also because I'd never played a tank before. It also helped that 98% of all DK's didn't even know they could tank and preferred to *nnaaahhh* "hit stuff". Level 80 and a couple thousand gold later and I was decked out in full tank gear and was tanking every Heroic in the game, patiently trying to convince people that Frost wasn't the only (or even best) spec for tanking and that Unholy Aura is an Aura and I'm also able to use Frost Presence at the same time to tank. (WTF DK! USE FROST AURA TO TANK NOT UNHOLY AURA!) It was fun to play a new class in a new role. It was also fun to completely dominate everyone in PVP.

PVP, of course, has never been a strong point of Blizzard's. Some of their decisions have been downright delusional, from Warlocks and Druids pre-3.0 to Paladin / DK's and general burst damage in Season 5. Not that PVP has ever mattered too much in a PVE oriented game - and, with the  unofficial "Death of the Arena" (some would argue that Arena was never really alive anyway) in the latest 3.0.8 patch - or "Winning is the New Losing" system that was put in place - we can almost start discussing PVP in WoW as something purely past tense. Maybe they should have stuck with the Forrest Gump of PVP systems instead of going full retard.

Deathknights aren't the sole cause of this, of course. In fact, DK's had a short reign of just over a month, from the start of Season 5 until 3.0.8 where they truly dominated in the 2vs2 and 3vs3 bracket. They still do dominate, of course, but the stupid new Arena "Spooky Ghost Rating" system has thrown all logic out of determining who is actually winning or doing well in the Arena. It's also not so much that DK's are stupidly overpowered - but, partnered with a Paladin - they have really no weaknesses. It's a bit ironic that the two classes would compliment each other so well as by lore they should be at polar opposites. In any case, I stopped playing my DK for the same reason I stopped playing Quake with godmode on - it just wasn't fun. After facerolling properly specced and geared PVP players as I wore full PVE gear, it just lost its appeal for me. In short, the current state of PVP can be summarized by one simple image:

After, in a move of epic sadomasochism, I decided I'd play my Druid in PVP. As a healer. Keeping the Quake analogy, that's like going from Difficulty: Easy with Godmode on to Difficulty: INSANE and playing with no monitor. This did allow to me to gain a proper perspective on the current state (or past state, as I should say) of PVP and Arenas in WoW as a punching bag. Running around with 800 Resilience and 21K HP, I've even modified an addon to record the shortest amount of time I've gone from full Hit Points to 0. Current 2vs2 record is 3.5 seconds by a Rogue / Mage combo, and my fastest 1vs1 death was by a DK in 4.1 seconds in Orgrimmar. (In his defense, he did precast Army of the Dead. I was fishing.)

To finish the long-winded prelude - I'm back to being a non-DK. Like most other non-DK's, I'm hoping that they will dissapear or be "retuned" to make less people want to play them. It seems the new "scourge" of Azeroth isn't the Scourge but the retard Deathknight's they've spawned upon us. AHAH! Maybe Arthas is a smart guy. Learn from Illidians mistakes and send upon us a plague of overpowered glowy-eye freaks. I just hope that in the final fight with Arthas himself, he exerts his power over the Deathknights and turns them against the raid. That would be cool.

Anyway, until then, that means I have to live with Deathknights being part of the world. So I bring you:

Daedren's Guide to Living with Deathknights!

Deathknight Races / Gender Choice

Race and gender choice says a lot about a Deathknight! Here is a quick summary:

Human Male / Female - I have no imagination.

Night Elf Male - I'm the only one who thinks my character looks cool.

Night Elf Female - Officially I'm a NE for the 2% dodge and Shadowmeld, but I also enjoy watching my character fight with no clothes on.

Dwarf Male - I hate rogues.

Dwarf Female - I am a beautiful and unique snowflake.

Gnome Male / Female - I am evil incarnate and disregard any sense of logic when it comes to choosing a character.

Draenei Male / Female - I hate the world because my DK looked great at the creation screen with a skirt on. Now I have to look at stupid hooves! Need more plate kilts!

Undead Male / Female - Am I alive or dead? I'm all sorts of confused. Added WotF bonus incase I have to kill 17 Warlocks at the same time.

Orc Male / Female - Our racials are awesome, we look good in plate, and my +5% damage to my ghoul(s) and gargoyle will justify me speccing Unholy for the rest of my life.

Troll Male / Female - Our lack of boots makes up for how clearly awesome we are.

Tauren Male / Female - I need Warstomp to suceed and I enjoy flattening horses in my spare time.

Blood Elf Female/Female - I am the embodiment of everything wrong in this world. I also love penis.

Deathknight Names

What about names? Names say a lot about a person, especially if they are a Deathknight! If their name contains:

*death*, *dk* or *deathknight*

-- They are just testing out the class. Another possibility is that they are incredibly stupid.

Example:

[1]General: Orcdk: Cool quests!

[1]General: Deathstabber: STFU NOOB

[1]General: Bobdk: [Dirge]

If their name is a variation or similar to:

Arthas, Sepiroth, Sauron, Lucifer or any other evil character, god, demi-god or celestial being:

-- They have delusions of grandeur, lack imagination, and should be punched in the cock.

Example:

[1]General: Arrthas: bowz to me minion dkz lolz
[1]General: Deathstabber: STFU NOOB
[1]General: Saurondk: Wrong, they are MINE!
[1]General: Lucyfer: lol at your names
[1]General: Separoth: i know

If their name contains any special characters like:

Æ È Œ Ð Ö å é è

Hopefully they have a macro for telling you what ASCII alt code to use to invite them to a group. They should also be beaten with a keyboard and preferably have it stuffed down their throat.

Example:

From Ðèåthknight: invite me
To Ðèåthknight: get a new name
From Særon: hi DPS here
To Særon: Frodo fucked you up, get over it
From Hán: hi use alt 0225 to invite me
To n: hi use alt 0182 to go fuck yourself

In the end, a name is just a name. Sometimes... actions speak louder than words!

Deathstabber has earned the achievement [Merrymaker]!

Translation: I'm doing the seasonal achievements! TAKE ME SERIOUSLY. THIS IS MY NEW MAIN.

Ðèåthknight has earned the achievement [Grand Master Fisherman]!

Translation: I have far too much time on my hands. My dedication to the art of fishing, while borning, implies that THIS IS MY NEW MAIN.

Bloodknight has earned the achievement [Swift Zulian Tiger]!

Translation: I have now obtained a mount that most other people don't have because I can solo the boss with my overpowered class. THIS IS MY NEW MAIN.

Bloodknight has earned the achievement [Traveler's Tundra Mammoth]!

Translation: I have spent 16,000 gold on a mount to show everyone how serious I am about playing a Deathknight. SRS!

Dklol has earned the achievement [Amani War Bear]!

Translation: HAHA DK's you can't have this mount! Nothing you will ever do can amount to the pure awesomesauce of an Amani War Bear. Oh, and your eyes look stupid.

Darknight has earned the achievement [40 Exalted Reputations]!

Translation: Ok, you win. This IS YOUR NEW MAIN.

I feel all dirty now. So, anyone else up for some Darkfall?

-- Daedren

Original article is here.

SXRchosen1 writes:

lol, funny read, and i dont even play the game xD

+1

Mon Jan 26 2009 11:20AM Report
Coldren writes:

Wonderful read. Makes me want to play my Deathknight now. :D

Mon Jan 26 2009 12:14PM Report
xbellx777 writes:

lol great article

Mon Jan 26 2009 1:29PM Report
Sargoth writes:

Good read.  I hate WoW and miss it all at the same time. 

Mon Jan 26 2009 1:47PM Report
Death1942 writes:

those names really did it for me.  I cannot believe people are that retarded...

Mon Jan 26 2009 3:19PM Report
Antarious writes:

I'm going to reactivate WoW just to make a death knight now.  Along with makign sure they are never nerfed since they are a "hero class".

Oh no I'm not really serious.. it just seemed like the kind of comment to make to retain balance in the cyberverse...   Personally I see a lot worse name wise on my supposed RP server in EQ2.

 

Mon Jan 26 2009 5:03PM Report
Zayne3145 writes:

Haha, nice read. I can certainly identify with your disdain toward the naming conventions that seem to plague WoW. Anything along the lines of Mikedruid or Lolkillah and the like makes my skin crawl. My DK is named Necrosia, and I'm pretty proud of that. She's a NELF - but not because I like to fight naked. xD

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