Goldilocks and the Three Game Producers
Greetings fellow Zentians,
Let me tell you a story.
Once upon a time, there were three Producers who lived in a nice cottage in the woods. There was Papa Producer, Mama Producer, and Baby Producer.
One day, they were getting ready to release an update to their fabulous game. However, they were having trouble figuring out just how much information to tell their game community about this update. They each wrote down a list of features and updates at their desks and then compared their notes. After comparing, Papa Producer decided that he had written too much. Mama Producer stated she had written too little. And Baby Producer thought that he had written just the right amount but had eaten part of the paper, because afterall, he was a hungry baby. However, none of the Producers were convinced that any of the lists were the best solution. So they decided to take a walk in the woods to talk it over.
A few minutes after they left, who should happen upon the cottage but a young girl gamer by the name of Goldilocks. She was hungry for some new gaming content. She saw the big sign on the cottage front door that said “Games Made Here”, and she just couldn’t resist. Being a gamer, she barged right in, micro-trained fingers and smart retorts at the ready. She of course found the three lists of updates and poured over them for an hour, her emotions riding a roller coaster of reactions.
Finally, the three Producers returned to their cottage. Much to their shock and dismay, they found an irate little girl tearing up their papers, furniture, socks, bedsheets… everything she could get her perfectly agile fingers on. She was like a Tasmanian Devil, foaming at the mouth, spouting off chatcronyms (yes, I made up that word) left and right.
Upon seeing the three Producers, Goldilocks stormed up to them and began a tirade of nearly nonsensical gibberish. Fortunately, they had just the right tool: a GM. They called over their GM to translate and mediate. The GM listened and then related what she said to the Producers. Here is that dialog, as translated by the GM:
“Are you nuts? Do you guys have any idea what you’re doing? I read those three lists of updates. In that first list, the longest one, those changes are ridiculous! They’ll totally unbalance the game! My friends and I will totally leave if you make all those changes. And what about the ones we asked for?? And that second list, the short one, what the heck is that? How are we supposed to know what the update will be like or how it’ll affect our characters?? And that third one, that’s the worst of all! You THINK you’re doing us a favor by telling us about the most significant updates, but you leave out all of the really important details! What do you think we are? Lemmings who will follow you off the cliffs of insanity that is your game update?? Z.O.M.G.!!” (the GM just couldn’t translate that last chatcronym, because really, how do you say that out loud without following it with LOLZ, which just wouldn’t have been appropriate in this situation)
After hearing all of the complaints reiterated by the GM, the Producers said “Oh, is that all she’s angry about? We were just talking about that outside with the marketing team, and we have the perfect solution!”
The Producers gave Goldilocks a nice bowl of soup and then a plate of hot chocolate chip cookies. And all was well.
So what’s the moral of this story? I’m not really sure, but soup and cookies are always good to eat (though maybe not together).
Associate Producer Zentia